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Substance Abuse
Oh boy, decided to hash it out with difficult child and it is NOT going well. I walked away+
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 499325"><p>Well, in the fifteen minutes it took me to write that, things turned dramatically.</p><p></p><p>H just came up here, red-eyed hands shaking and asked me to rejoin the conversation. I said I wasn't comfortable doing so. difficult child and I tend to wind each other up and I was not opening myself up to that again. He said he had finally peeled back the layers - like an onion - and that difficult child came clean.</p><p></p><p>I asked him for the details. Bear with me here -it's convoluted and 2nd hand. And h isn't great with reporting. </p><p></p><p>Apparently:</p><p></p><p>1) difficult child claims to have fallen into a depression mid semester. Until that point, he had been doing well in class. But things with "Andy" finally caught up with him and he was unable to cope. difficult child believes Andy's parents blame him for what happened with Andy since difficult child was with him? (see below)</p><p></p><p><em>Andy is a friend he made his freshman year - Andy was the dorm roommate of difficult child's bestie "Al" during freshman year. Apparently, the 3 of them were thick as thieves. ("Al" and difficult child have known each other forever. "Al" is a huge partier and difficult child's current roommate. ) Something happened to Andy in difficult child's presence in the spring of 2011-freshman year. As far as I can tell, Andy had some sort of paranoid schizophrenic break in the middle of the day while they were walking to class. And talked about killing himself. It was a sudden jump into the deep-end; medical help was enlisted, he was hospitalized and his parents withdrew him from school. Whatever it was difficult child witnessed - it shook him up tremendously. I have no details. Except that Andy was to be their 3rd apartment roommate and did not attend the fall semester. I believe he was planning to attend the upcoming semester & perhaps living with them. Supposedly off medicine and under control-which I find frightening.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em>2) He did not finish the semester either because he was in arrears or because he was failing. He did not take a student loan. He is in credit card debt because he charged his living expenses to a Visa. He owes the school $2000 or so. He is not registered for the upcoming semester because he is in arrears. He has 4 "fs", I guess. H was hazy on the details. </p><p></p><p>I told H that I didn't buy the Andy claim necessarily. Last year he blamed his second semester grades on the episode with Andy. I am not saying that it isn't true - just feeling like it is a scapegoat for difficult child. So he can't blame himself - Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>I told him there is NO WAY we can send difficult child back to college town. That we can sort out and take care of the debt - but that difficult child needs to stay home. And go to counseling. H said he broached the idea of counseling but that difficult child doesn't want to go. H agrees that difficult child needs it 100% and will go with him if necessary and change counselors but he isn't going to push it right now. Not while difficult child is talking...he doesn't want him to shut down over this. </p><p></p><p>He asked me to join the conversation. I said I didn't want to be a part of the conversation- that I knew difficult child and I would get too emotional and it could get heated. But that I wanted difficult child to know that I love him and he could trust us and that we would figure it out. So I went downstairs and hugged him and told him it would be OK and that I had been in exactly his shoes at his age (true). And that it felt like the end of the world at the time. And it wasn't. That in retrospect it was and still is one of the best things that ever happened to me. And it was just a blip in the road. And that by sharing his sorrow with H and me, he had effectively reduced it by three. </p><p></p><p>My mommy heart tells me a lot of this goes back to when difficult child was assaulted his first week on campus and some sort of trauma response (maybe complicated a bit by post concussive issues) and plus a whole lot of self medicating. </p><p></p><p>So wish me strength in the days ahead. And in the year ahead, since it seems as though difficult child will be home. EEP</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 499325"] Well, in the fifteen minutes it took me to write that, things turned dramatically. H just came up here, red-eyed hands shaking and asked me to rejoin the conversation. I said I wasn't comfortable doing so. difficult child and I tend to wind each other up and I was not opening myself up to that again. He said he had finally peeled back the layers - like an onion - and that difficult child came clean. I asked him for the details. Bear with me here -it's convoluted and 2nd hand. And h isn't great with reporting. Apparently: 1) difficult child claims to have fallen into a depression mid semester. Until that point, he had been doing well in class. But things with "Andy" finally caught up with him and he was unable to cope. difficult child believes Andy's parents blame him for what happened with Andy since difficult child was with him? (see below) [I]Andy is a friend he made his freshman year - Andy was the dorm roommate of difficult child's bestie "Al" during freshman year. Apparently, the 3 of them were thick as thieves. ("Al" and difficult child have known each other forever. "Al" is a huge partier and difficult child's current roommate. ) Something happened to Andy in difficult child's presence in the spring of 2011-freshman year. As far as I can tell, Andy had some sort of paranoid schizophrenic break in the middle of the day while they were walking to class. And talked about killing himself. It was a sudden jump into the deep-end; medical help was enlisted, he was hospitalized and his parents withdrew him from school. Whatever it was difficult child witnessed - it shook him up tremendously. I have no details. Except that Andy was to be their 3rd apartment roommate and did not attend the fall semester. I believe he was planning to attend the upcoming semester & perhaps living with them. Supposedly off medicine and under control-which I find frightening. [/I]2) He did not finish the semester either because he was in arrears or because he was failing. He did not take a student loan. He is in credit card debt because he charged his living expenses to a Visa. He owes the school $2000 or so. He is not registered for the upcoming semester because he is in arrears. He has 4 "fs", I guess. H was hazy on the details. I told H that I didn't buy the Andy claim necessarily. Last year he blamed his second semester grades on the episode with Andy. I am not saying that it isn't true - just feeling like it is a scapegoat for difficult child. So he can't blame himself - Know what I mean?? I told him there is NO WAY we can send difficult child back to college town. That we can sort out and take care of the debt - but that difficult child needs to stay home. And go to counseling. H said he broached the idea of counseling but that difficult child doesn't want to go. H agrees that difficult child needs it 100% and will go with him if necessary and change counselors but he isn't going to push it right now. Not while difficult child is talking...he doesn't want him to shut down over this. He asked me to join the conversation. I said I didn't want to be a part of the conversation- that I knew difficult child and I would get too emotional and it could get heated. But that I wanted difficult child to know that I love him and he could trust us and that we would figure it out. So I went downstairs and hugged him and told him it would be OK and that I had been in exactly his shoes at his age (true). And that it felt like the end of the world at the time. And it wasn't. That in retrospect it was and still is one of the best things that ever happened to me. And it was just a blip in the road. And that by sharing his sorrow with H and me, he had effectively reduced it by three. My mommy heart tells me a lot of this goes back to when difficult child was assaulted his first week on campus and some sort of trauma response (maybe complicated a bit by post concussive issues) and plus a whole lot of self medicating. So wish me strength in the days ahead. And in the year ahead, since it seems as though difficult child will be home. EEP [/QUOTE]
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Oh boy, decided to hash it out with difficult child and it is NOT going well. I walked away+
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