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Oh boy...trouble in my family
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 611533" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hon, I see you're in your mid-40's and that was about the time I realized I had to let go of my fear/horror of the things my DNA family said about me. Why does it even matter if they spew nonsense to you about you, as if you don't know you??? I made things even worse by engaging my mother and my husband got mad and called her and told her in a stern voice not to call my children (that was the final straw). She acted like a victim and ramped up her trash talk about me to fever pitch, but also included my husband in it and she had never even met him. Oh, yes, and my children, who were minors at the time and she didn't really know them either.</p><p></p><p>After that, I forced myself to calm down and be the rational one and I simply stopped listening to phone messages from her or anyone who could be abusive. I had caller ID back in the day and did not pick up their calls or any "Private Phone" calls. Basically, that's when regular contact ceased because I had listened to how horrible I was for some 42 years (I'm guessing here...it's about that time) and I was done. I did not go to family affairs, which used to stress me out so much before hand that I used to be shaking and in tears and usually the pack rats did turn their wrath on me and my kids. I could handle when it was me, but not when it was my kids. It would take weeks to recover.</p><p></p><p>You have to ask yourself if it is worth it to angst over silly, untrue allegations about yourself? You can't change how they feel about you. If they want to see you in a distorted way that makes them feel better about themselves, you can't make them feel differently. Been there. Tried. Useless. </p><p></p><p></p><p>We started having nice little holidays without the drama and NO FIGHTING!!!!!! Sure, the gatherings were and still are small, but they are cozy and loving. </p><p></p><p>There is no reason...NONE...for them to abuse you that way and there is no reason...NONE...that you should ever listen to them doing that again. You did what you felt was right at the time and it's over. I'm a bit intolerant of drinking and I'm sorry if I sounded harsh about your two drinks. Two drinks is no big deal. I was talking about obviously super-drunk brother in law who is probably no prize when he is sober either! You can move on even if they can't. Let them rant to each other. You don't have to give them your ear. </p><p></p><p>You can't control other people, even by being nice. Hugs to you. I hope you find peace and learn to detach from these mean folks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 611533, member: 1550"] Hon, I see you're in your mid-40's and that was about the time I realized I had to let go of my fear/horror of the things my DNA family said about me. Why does it even matter if they spew nonsense to you about you, as if you don't know you??? I made things even worse by engaging my mother and my husband got mad and called her and told her in a stern voice not to call my children (that was the final straw). She acted like a victim and ramped up her trash talk about me to fever pitch, but also included my husband in it and she had never even met him. Oh, yes, and my children, who were minors at the time and she didn't really know them either. After that, I forced myself to calm down and be the rational one and I simply stopped listening to phone messages from her or anyone who could be abusive. I had caller ID back in the day and did not pick up their calls or any "Private Phone" calls. Basically, that's when regular contact ceased because I had listened to how horrible I was for some 42 years (I'm guessing here...it's about that time) and I was done. I did not go to family affairs, which used to stress me out so much before hand that I used to be shaking and in tears and usually the pack rats did turn their wrath on me and my kids. I could handle when it was me, but not when it was my kids. It would take weeks to recover. You have to ask yourself if it is worth it to angst over silly, untrue allegations about yourself? You can't change how they feel about you. If they want to see you in a distorted way that makes them feel better about themselves, you can't make them feel differently. Been there. Tried. Useless. We started having nice little holidays without the drama and NO FIGHTING!!!!!! Sure, the gatherings were and still are small, but they are cozy and loving. There is no reason...NONE...for them to abuse you that way and there is no reason...NONE...that you should ever listen to them doing that again. You did what you felt was right at the time and it's over. I'm a bit intolerant of drinking and I'm sorry if I sounded harsh about your two drinks. Two drinks is no big deal. I was talking about obviously super-drunk brother in law who is probably no prize when he is sober either! You can move on even if they can't. Let them rant to each other. You don't have to give them your ear. You can't control other people, even by being nice. Hugs to you. I hope you find peace and learn to detach from these mean folks. [/QUOTE]
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Oh boy...trouble in my family
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