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Oh boy
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 468933" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I HEAR you. Really, it is hard to put into words because with these stories, people outside of difficult child world will say, my kid does that too. You are so right, it is the degree, the frequency, the intensity, etc. And it does push one to the brink. Hard not to feel that way when you sometimes feel like you have so LITTLE control. Last night when difficult child just walked off calling me names (right in front of other parents and kids he is trying to desperately to have a relationship with) I just sat down right there in the middle of the court yard, I said, well...you know what will have to happen then tomorrow. He said, yeah yeah, I don't care. Now, I KNOW that is not true because as soon as this moment of getting his way is over he is going to be begging for relief from the anxiety of not seeing friends (now it would be tonight). Sure enough he finally comes in, asks if he can switch the tv show I was watching to his show...HA! Now I am feeling like I want to give him every punitive consequence I can think of so no tv, no staying up, no friends, no bus to school, no dinner...Not that I would do all that but inside...arrgggg.... So I reminded myself of the logical consequence and how he could earn some of it back. Sure enough he was too anxious about it during school to function so had to say again, if you can show you can follow directions first at school and for a while after school with me then we will see. He is fine with that. (would drive other kids over the edge not to know but it is worse for him for me to say one thing and have to switch it). When they are that defiant, what to do? i have to pick and choose so carefully. Why did I really want him to come in? well, because I thought he was a little revved up and was worried about it going to far but also because I have to sit out there supervising constantly and was tired of it, and the gnats so....was it worth trying to force the issue? I just dont know sometimes. We try an try and 20/20 hindsight tells us if we screwed up too badly but sometimes we just have to give ourselves a break.</p><p></p><p>Can I tell you what is so impressive? 1. he is invited to birthday parties 2. you can leave him there 3. he can play outside without you right there 4. you did not cross a line (ok you are not proud of getting angry but it is not abusive in my opinion) and you came here and vented it</p><p></p><p>Hope you can steal a sweet moment out of the evening with him. stories or something he likes (so tempting not to give him one, right?). </p><p></p><p>Would you ever be able to do a "social story" of sorts about coming in when called? He seems to have responded to a warning before coming in--even though he was not happy to comply--, can the story include a "rule" that you will give 15 then 10 then 5 minute warnings that time is up? Maybe you have already done this kind of thing?? If you make it a little story then he can read it over and over (if he doesn't rip it). smile. This play thing for us is new...but once we have routines in our rules it makes life much easier. He then complies without all of the fuss and anxiety. I wrote a one page "social story" today about coming in. I have LOTS of copies because he will rip them but will read them too. I am going to give one to theILS worker to review while they are out.</p><p></p><p>Take care, love buddy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 468933, member: 12886"] I HEAR you. Really, it is hard to put into words because with these stories, people outside of difficult child world will say, my kid does that too. You are so right, it is the degree, the frequency, the intensity, etc. And it does push one to the brink. Hard not to feel that way when you sometimes feel like you have so LITTLE control. Last night when difficult child just walked off calling me names (right in front of other parents and kids he is trying to desperately to have a relationship with) I just sat down right there in the middle of the court yard, I said, well...you know what will have to happen then tomorrow. He said, yeah yeah, I don't care. Now, I KNOW that is not true because as soon as this moment of getting his way is over he is going to be begging for relief from the anxiety of not seeing friends (now it would be tonight). Sure enough he finally comes in, asks if he can switch the tv show I was watching to his show...HA! Now I am feeling like I want to give him every punitive consequence I can think of so no tv, no staying up, no friends, no bus to school, no dinner...Not that I would do all that but inside...arrgggg.... So I reminded myself of the logical consequence and how he could earn some of it back. Sure enough he was too anxious about it during school to function so had to say again, if you can show you can follow directions first at school and for a while after school with me then we will see. He is fine with that. (would drive other kids over the edge not to know but it is worse for him for me to say one thing and have to switch it). When they are that defiant, what to do? i have to pick and choose so carefully. Why did I really want him to come in? well, because I thought he was a little revved up and was worried about it going to far but also because I have to sit out there supervising constantly and was tired of it, and the gnats so....was it worth trying to force the issue? I just dont know sometimes. We try an try and 20/20 hindsight tells us if we screwed up too badly but sometimes we just have to give ourselves a break. Can I tell you what is so impressive? 1. he is invited to birthday parties 2. you can leave him there 3. he can play outside without you right there 4. you did not cross a line (ok you are not proud of getting angry but it is not abusive in my opinion) and you came here and vented it Hope you can steal a sweet moment out of the evening with him. stories or something he likes (so tempting not to give him one, right?). Would you ever be able to do a "social story" of sorts about coming in when called? He seems to have responded to a warning before coming in--even though he was not happy to comply--, can the story include a "rule" that you will give 15 then 10 then 5 minute warnings that time is up? Maybe you have already done this kind of thing?? If you make it a little story then he can read it over and over (if he doesn't rip it). smile. This play thing for us is new...but once we have routines in our rules it makes life much easier. He then complies without all of the fuss and anxiety. I wrote a one page "social story" today about coming in. I have LOTS of copies because he will rip them but will read them too. I am going to give one to theILS worker to review while they are out. Take care, love buddy [/QUOTE]
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