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Oh boy
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 468955" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I just wanted to say a word more about this, if I may (rhetorical question, of course...)</p><p>To speak of something I rarely speak about, in the past I have had pregnancy losses. I experienced and still experience deep sadness, grief and loss over these. When I came to adopt a child I had such a feeling of longing to give love, to be a mother... and still do. And when he is (as he often is) so sweet, funny and affectionate, it is easy to love J. When he is challenging, like any child is challenging, it is less easy but still it is done because of course it must be done. But when he is outright aggressive, rude and nasty, in a sense, it feels like nothing makes sense any more and as if it is very hard indeed to love him properly. I am sure that everyone here is familiar with that feeling in some form.</p><p>Tonight I found myself thinking,I don't think my baby would have been like that... I fear also what it does to our bonding, this thing in his brain that doesn't work as it should... I turn away from him in those moments when he most needs my love. And I know again we all know what that's like. I do it just because I'm human and flawed. I want to love him as he deserves, as an innocent child who has come to me and sometimes it is just so... damned... hard. You know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 468955, member: 11227"] I just wanted to say a word more about this, if I may (rhetorical question, of course...) To speak of something I rarely speak about, in the past I have had pregnancy losses. I experienced and still experience deep sadness, grief and loss over these. When I came to adopt a child I had such a feeling of longing to give love, to be a mother... and still do. And when he is (as he often is) so sweet, funny and affectionate, it is easy to love J. When he is challenging, like any child is challenging, it is less easy but still it is done because of course it must be done. But when he is outright aggressive, rude and nasty, in a sense, it feels like nothing makes sense any more and as if it is very hard indeed to love him properly. I am sure that everyone here is familiar with that feeling in some form. Tonight I found myself thinking,I don't think my baby would have been like that... I fear also what it does to our bonding, this thing in his brain that doesn't work as it should... I turn away from him in those moments when he most needs my love. And I know again we all know what that's like. I do it just because I'm human and flawed. I want to love him as he deserves, as an innocent child who has come to me and sometimes it is just so... damned... hard. You know. [/QUOTE]
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