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Oh boy
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 469134" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thank you all again for your input and supportiveness. What helps in these moments is not really "advice" it's just the understanding and the validation...</p><p>I think you are right, buddy - I think these kids do understand and see things. Last night for his bedtime story, J asked for "Zak has ADHD", a book we have for children about a zebra (!) with ADHD. He has dozens of books and we rarely read this one - so why this, out of the blue? It was as if he was telling me, reminding me, that his difficultness is not his fault... </p><p>This morning we had a damage limitations exercise. I talked about last night and what had happened, how I had felt and how I had not wanted to hurt him but had felt so frustrated and angry. I asked him how he had felt and he talked a bit about that. We talked about the rule of coming in when I ask and the rule of talking to each other nicely. Some of the hurt was healed and he was clearly trying so hard to please and to "listen". But I do feel diminished and depleted by these episodes - I also feel like I need more input with J than I am getting. For me to try to organise it... I feel he needs help with social skills. He has friends and makes friends but there are always these incidents of him upsetting other children by saying hurtful things. Again, all children of his age do that, but he will do it more intensely than others, and probably more often. I do feel going to school has helped him <strong>tremendously</strong> in terms of socialisation. No way he would have absorbed all the social rules he has by just staying at home with me... </p><p>As for being invited to birthday parties, buddy, he could hardly not be! His whole school was invited (just 20 children!), so he could not be left out. Also the boy concerned is his best friend, though like I say they have an on-off kind of relationship (which slowly seems to be becoming more on than off). But... the boy in the village who lives near us and who J sometimes plays with outside - and who is <strong>such</strong> a sweet kid, really your dream 7 year old - has told me, with that disarming childish honesty, that his mother does not want J inside their house because she finds him too irritating (because of all the hyperactivity and shouting as he rushes about, I presume)... So there will be this kind of thing in the future... I think J is actually high-functioning hyperactive, to coin a phrase <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> He could be a lot worse. But we don't live in a world that's geared up to difference and his differences, in a society that has almost no popular understanding of ADHD, are of course not assimilated. </p><p>I would like a very gifted and experienced therapist for him... Wouldn't we all...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 469134, member: 11227"] Thank you all again for your input and supportiveness. What helps in these moments is not really "advice" it's just the understanding and the validation... I think you are right, buddy - I think these kids do understand and see things. Last night for his bedtime story, J asked for "Zak has ADHD", a book we have for children about a zebra (!) with ADHD. He has dozens of books and we rarely read this one - so why this, out of the blue? It was as if he was telling me, reminding me, that his difficultness is not his fault... This morning we had a damage limitations exercise. I talked about last night and what had happened, how I had felt and how I had not wanted to hurt him but had felt so frustrated and angry. I asked him how he had felt and he talked a bit about that. We talked about the rule of coming in when I ask and the rule of talking to each other nicely. Some of the hurt was healed and he was clearly trying so hard to please and to "listen". But I do feel diminished and depleted by these episodes - I also feel like I need more input with J than I am getting. For me to try to organise it... I feel he needs help with social skills. He has friends and makes friends but there are always these incidents of him upsetting other children by saying hurtful things. Again, all children of his age do that, but he will do it more intensely than others, and probably more often. I do feel going to school has helped him [B]tremendously[/B] in terms of socialisation. No way he would have absorbed all the social rules he has by just staying at home with me... As for being invited to birthday parties, buddy, he could hardly not be! His whole school was invited (just 20 children!), so he could not be left out. Also the boy concerned is his best friend, though like I say they have an on-off kind of relationship (which slowly seems to be becoming more on than off). But... the boy in the village who lives near us and who J sometimes plays with outside - and who is [B]such[/B] a sweet kid, really your dream 7 year old - has told me, with that disarming childish honesty, that his mother does not want J inside their house because she finds him too irritating (because of all the hyperactivity and shouting as he rushes about, I presume)... So there will be this kind of thing in the future... I think J is actually high-functioning hyperactive, to coin a phrase :) He could be a lot worse. But we don't live in a world that's geared up to difference and his differences, in a society that has almost no popular understanding of ADHD, are of course not assimilated. I would like a very gifted and experienced therapist for him... Wouldn't we all... [/QUOTE]
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