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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 374788" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Well, one good thing about no longer being the person I was all those years ago.......I can be blunt with K these days.</p><p></p><p>It's not up to me whether she stays with her husband or not. That alone has to be her decision. That was the mistake I made the last time and I won't repeat it. It would only backfire anyway.</p><p></p><p>Fran, she surprised me for a 2nd time. I asked her to be completely honest, that I needed to know what she was thinking/feeling what she wanted/hoped for her future. Because I can't read her mind and I'm not there to judge the situation, her behavior/body language, all the tell tale clues. </p><p></p><p>She's fed up. She doesn't want to come live with family to put more strain on us. She just misses us and wants moral support and to stop feeling like she's completely alone in the world. All she's really asked for is if I would call around and see if one of the shelters in the area would hold a spot for them if they could get here. If the program that helped her get her GED was still available to help her husband get his. She doesn't expect us to fix the problem, doesn't really expect it to be much better than where she's is at except that she'll be near people who love and care about her and the kids.</p><p></p><p>And she did come out swinging in this last mail. She wants to go back to school and she doesn't care if she has to work fulltime while she does it. She is fed up with just barely surviving and wants to try to give her kids the life they deserve to have. </p><p></p><p>Well there was more to it.........but it's been a long day and I'm exhausted. lol But she finally sounded like the K who used to spend her summers with us before she met the man who altered the course of her life. She is not ready to give up on her husband because this situation has him finally acting like a man. She doesn't know if it will last, but she's not ready to give up just yet. So be it, like I said, not my decision. I don't have to live with the man, she does.</p><p></p><p>If she comes here she will go into a shelter. She will be near the family who love her and will support her and attempt to help her in small ways that can make life more tolerable, but not to the point that she doesn't have to do to get. That much I can do for her. I would do it for any of my other kids. The rest is up to her and if he comes with her, her husband. She will have to make her own way here. husband and I can't afford to go get them.......and we don't have vehicles that would even survive the trip. Same for Nichole. And easy child just plain would not do it with the new baby coming ect.</p><p></p><p>I don't hesitate to help someone who is trying to help themselves, but I don't do squat for someone who isn't. If she thinks I'm just singling her out, her sibs will set her straight. lol Because I do the same with them. </p><p></p><p>Her migraines won't gain her much sympathy around here. I don't mean to sound callous as I know first hand how horrid they are......but there are times when you just go on anyway because you simply don't have a choice. She is going to have to work. He is going to have to work. It's not going to be easy, and I've made clear. </p><p></p><p>It sounds as if she's reached a turning point. If I attempt to make things easy........she's going to slide right back into the groove she's been riding in all these years and she will never change. If she wants it, she's going to have to work hard to get it.</p><p></p><p>We're making calls and gathering some information, which is all she's asked us to do. At 30 years old........that desire to swoop in and rescue isn't very strong. I just have to keep reminding myself she is 30, soon to be 31. lol And I'll be fine.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p></p><p>We can do that much, then the ball is in her court and we'll see how serious she is. I've decided if I have no expectations then there is no reason to be disappointed.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I have finally passed detachment 101?? lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 374788, member: 84"] Well, one good thing about no longer being the person I was all those years ago.......I can be blunt with K these days. It's not up to me whether she stays with her husband or not. That alone has to be her decision. That was the mistake I made the last time and I won't repeat it. It would only backfire anyway. Fran, she surprised me for a 2nd time. I asked her to be completely honest, that I needed to know what she was thinking/feeling what she wanted/hoped for her future. Because I can't read her mind and I'm not there to judge the situation, her behavior/body language, all the tell tale clues. She's fed up. She doesn't want to come live with family to put more strain on us. She just misses us and wants moral support and to stop feeling like she's completely alone in the world. All she's really asked for is if I would call around and see if one of the shelters in the area would hold a spot for them if they could get here. If the program that helped her get her GED was still available to help her husband get his. She doesn't expect us to fix the problem, doesn't really expect it to be much better than where she's is at except that she'll be near people who love and care about her and the kids. And she did come out swinging in this last mail. She wants to go back to school and she doesn't care if she has to work fulltime while she does it. She is fed up with just barely surviving and wants to try to give her kids the life they deserve to have. Well there was more to it.........but it's been a long day and I'm exhausted. lol But she finally sounded like the K who used to spend her summers with us before she met the man who altered the course of her life. She is not ready to give up on her husband because this situation has him finally acting like a man. She doesn't know if it will last, but she's not ready to give up just yet. So be it, like I said, not my decision. I don't have to live with the man, she does. If she comes here she will go into a shelter. She will be near the family who love her and will support her and attempt to help her in small ways that can make life more tolerable, but not to the point that she doesn't have to do to get. That much I can do for her. I would do it for any of my other kids. The rest is up to her and if he comes with her, her husband. She will have to make her own way here. husband and I can't afford to go get them.......and we don't have vehicles that would even survive the trip. Same for Nichole. And easy child just plain would not do it with the new baby coming ect. I don't hesitate to help someone who is trying to help themselves, but I don't do squat for someone who isn't. If she thinks I'm just singling her out, her sibs will set her straight. lol Because I do the same with them. Her migraines won't gain her much sympathy around here. I don't mean to sound callous as I know first hand how horrid they are......but there are times when you just go on anyway because you simply don't have a choice. She is going to have to work. He is going to have to work. It's not going to be easy, and I've made clear. It sounds as if she's reached a turning point. If I attempt to make things easy........she's going to slide right back into the groove she's been riding in all these years and she will never change. If she wants it, she's going to have to work hard to get it. We're making calls and gathering some information, which is all she's asked us to do. At 30 years old........that desire to swoop in and rescue isn't very strong. I just have to keep reminding myself she is 30, soon to be 31. lol And I'll be fine.:raspberry-tounge: We can do that much, then the ball is in her court and we'll see how serious she is. I've decided if I have no expectations then there is no reason to be disappointed. Maybe I have finally passed detachment 101?? lol [/QUOTE]
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