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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 284844" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry this is a really rough time. It is sad that she is so scared. Hopefully there is someone at the ALF that can work to get her more interested in the activities there.</p><p></p><p>It took quite a few months for my Gma to adjust to the ALF and she was always a social butterfly type of person. Can you call the staff at the home and ask them to help her integrate into life there? I am sure they see this stuff frequently.</p><p></p><p>As to mother in law knowing what is involved, she may have done it for years but also may be forgetting or getting foggy brained from the disease or the medications. You may need to address her being forgetful or whatever with the doctor.</p><p></p><p>You are exactly right about the AD if she is turning the waterworks on and off like a faucet. She surely doesn't need any unnecessary medications - older people often have more interaction problems with medications than younger people do.</p><p></p><p>You may have to set some firm limits on either the number of calls she can make to you and the home (unlimited calls to husband if he has his own cell phone! Price he pays for being her son) and even tell her to call her other kids and their families about stuff they are handling. Is there ANY way you can dump the bill paying on the sister in law? They do the financial stuff and you do the inperson stuff? Seems like a fair trade to me. And if you just keep sending teh stuff and the phone calls to them I am not sure they would be able to stop you. </p><p></p><p>You might prefer setting up "calling hour" for a certain time that you will be available each day. Answer her calls ONLY during that time. If it is an emergency the facility will call you. Otherwise she can call husband on his cell or another family member.</p><p></p><p>Detachment phrases we memorize and use on our kids might also fit here. "I am sorry you feel that way." "What a shame. What are you going to do about it?" seem to fit, as with others.</p><p></p><p>It is a tough adjustment for everyone to make. You do her no favors by permitting her to be a pest. Just as kids need boundaries, anyone else we take care of also needs them. If she can't reach you all day then she will at some point HAVE to turn to the staff around her to help and to other residents (sorry, inmates was the first word that came to mind. My mind has been tossing out all the wrong words lately.) for social things.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you decide to do, even if it is just to vent, I support you!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 284844, member: 1233"] I am sorry this is a really rough time. It is sad that she is so scared. Hopefully there is someone at the ALF that can work to get her more interested in the activities there. It took quite a few months for my Gma to adjust to the ALF and she was always a social butterfly type of person. Can you call the staff at the home and ask them to help her integrate into life there? I am sure they see this stuff frequently. As to mother in law knowing what is involved, she may have done it for years but also may be forgetting or getting foggy brained from the disease or the medications. You may need to address her being forgetful or whatever with the doctor. You are exactly right about the AD if she is turning the waterworks on and off like a faucet. She surely doesn't need any unnecessary medications - older people often have more interaction problems with medications than younger people do. You may have to set some firm limits on either the number of calls she can make to you and the home (unlimited calls to husband if he has his own cell phone! Price he pays for being her son) and even tell her to call her other kids and their families about stuff they are handling. Is there ANY way you can dump the bill paying on the sister in law? They do the financial stuff and you do the inperson stuff? Seems like a fair trade to me. And if you just keep sending teh stuff and the phone calls to them I am not sure they would be able to stop you. You might prefer setting up "calling hour" for a certain time that you will be available each day. Answer her calls ONLY during that time. If it is an emergency the facility will call you. Otherwise she can call husband on his cell or another family member. Detachment phrases we memorize and use on our kids might also fit here. "I am sorry you feel that way." "What a shame. What are you going to do about it?" seem to fit, as with others. It is a tough adjustment for everyone to make. You do her no favors by permitting her to be a pest. Just as kids need boundaries, anyone else we take care of also needs them. If she can't reach you all day then she will at some point HAVE to turn to the staff around her to help and to other residents (sorry, inmates was the first word that came to mind. My mind has been tossing out all the wrong words lately.) for social things. Whatever you decide to do, even if it is just to vent, I support you!!! [/QUOTE]
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