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Parent Emeritus
OH THE SHAME - I'm done.
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<blockquote data-quote="Genny" data-source="post: 193241" data-attributes="member: 95"><p>Star,</p><p></p><p>My heart is breaking for you. As I read all the replies here, I've been thinking about what I would do in your shoes. After everything you've been through with Dude - all the placements, the couseling, the second, third, and fourth chances you've given him - I keep hearing Witz's words in my head: </p><p></p><p>Putting yourself and DF in debt isn't going to change Dude. You can spend tens of thousands on the best lawyer, get Dude off scott free (or not), and chances are he'll end up right back in the same place a year from now, if not sooner. </p><p></p><p>Maybe prison will be his personal bottom. Maybe not. Maybe he'll get 15 years and get out in 5. Maybe the public defender is wrong, and he won't get convicted at all. I don't have a crystal ball, and I learned long ago that worrying about what might happen is guaranteed to wreck my physical and mental health - and accomplish nothing.</p><p></p><p>My advice? (from personal experience with a train-wreck of a kid who refused to let us help her) - be there for emotional support and emotional support only. No finacial support, no letter writing or intervening on his behalf. It's time for Dude to man-up and face the music. Yes, it stinks that he's being accused of something he didn't actually do. But as we always told difficult child, if you associate with bad people, you're going to get blamed. Not to mention the times he's gotten away with crimes. If he's innocent, he need to advocate for himself, pay his fines, prove that he's a hard-working, upstanding citizen. </p><p></p><p>Nobody can "save" Dude but Dude. Not you, not a lawyer, not the judge, not God...only Dude. HE needs to decide if he's going to fish or cut bait. YOU need to try and move on with YOUR life. Take a weekend getaway with DF, take a class, start a new hobby, <em>anything </em> - as long as it's something YOU want to do, just for yourself. </p><p></p><p>You, DF and Dude remain in my prayers. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/praying.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":praying:" title="praying :praying:" data-shortname=":praying:" /></p><p></p><p>Genny</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Genny, post: 193241, member: 95"] Star, My heart is breaking for you. As I read all the replies here, I've been thinking about what I would do in your shoes. After everything you've been through with Dude - all the placements, the couseling, the second, third, and fourth chances you've given him - I keep hearing Witz's words in my head: Putting yourself and DF in debt isn't going to change Dude. You can spend tens of thousands on the best lawyer, get Dude off scott free (or not), and chances are he'll end up right back in the same place a year from now, if not sooner. Maybe prison will be his personal bottom. Maybe not. Maybe he'll get 15 years and get out in 5. Maybe the public defender is wrong, and he won't get convicted at all. I don't have a crystal ball, and I learned long ago that worrying about what might happen is guaranteed to wreck my physical and mental health - and accomplish nothing. My advice? (from personal experience with a train-wreck of a kid who refused to let us help her) - be there for emotional support and emotional support only. No finacial support, no letter writing or intervening on his behalf. It's time for Dude to man-up and face the music. Yes, it stinks that he's being accused of something he didn't actually do. But as we always told difficult child, if you associate with bad people, you're going to get blamed. Not to mention the times he's gotten away with crimes. If he's innocent, he need to advocate for himself, pay his fines, prove that he's a hard-working, upstanding citizen. Nobody can "save" Dude but Dude. Not you, not a lawyer, not the judge, not God...only Dude. HE needs to decide if he's going to fish or cut bait. YOU need to try and move on with YOUR life. Take a weekend getaway with DF, take a class, start a new hobby, [I]anything [/I] - as long as it's something YOU want to do, just for yourself. You, DF and Dude remain in my prayers. :praying: Genny [/QUOTE]
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OH THE SHAME - I'm done.
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