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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 407321" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Beth,</p><p></p><p>ok, here's an honest "been there, done that" - I personally feel the first year is the most difficult when it comes to moving through those family memories. Christmas mornings of past come to haunt, etc... Once you begin to create new traditions with your changing family things become better. </p><p></p><p>I would have given cards and chocolate from mommy - let daddy do his own thing. You can't be responsible for his relationship with his children - that's on him. If you continue to do that kind of stuff, he will not become an independent father. I know it seems such a little thing, but trust me, you have to stop thinking like a wife and start thinking like a single parent - he probably is. You have to begin separating mommy and daddy for the kids' sakes. Yes, you are still their parents, but it will give the children an honest picture of life.</p><p></p><p>Just a little "been there, done that" advise.</p><p></p><p>Sharon</p><p></p><p>P.S. Beth - I know this thread was starting with a little sadness and melancholy on your part, but I just saw something in you that used to be me. Doing my best to make sure that daddy looked so good in their eyes. It was not enough that I never said anything negative about him, I had to cover for the things he forgot. But after awhile, I realized my energy need to be used for me and the kids. He needed to step up to the plate and be the father I made him look like while we were married! He was happy to sit back and let me do just like when we were husband and wife. I realized that he needed to foster and independent relationship with his children and I was being a crutch to that. I thought to save you some of the stress of feeling you had to "cover" all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 407321, member: 805"] Beth, ok, here's an honest "been there, done that" - I personally feel the first year is the most difficult when it comes to moving through those family memories. Christmas mornings of past come to haunt, etc... Once you begin to create new traditions with your changing family things become better. I would have given cards and chocolate from mommy - let daddy do his own thing. You can't be responsible for his relationship with his children - that's on him. If you continue to do that kind of stuff, he will not become an independent father. I know it seems such a little thing, but trust me, you have to stop thinking like a wife and start thinking like a single parent - he probably is. You have to begin separating mommy and daddy for the kids' sakes. Yes, you are still their parents, but it will give the children an honest picture of life. Just a little "been there, done that" advise. Sharon P.S. Beth - I know this thread was starting with a little sadness and melancholy on your part, but I just saw something in you that used to be me. Doing my best to make sure that daddy looked so good in their eyes. It was not enough that I never said anything negative about him, I had to cover for the things he forgot. But after awhile, I realized my energy need to be used for me and the kids. He needed to step up to the plate and be the father I made him look like while we were married! He was happy to sit back and let me do just like when we were husband and wife. I realized that he needed to foster and independent relationship with his children and I was being a crutch to that. I thought to save you some of the stress of feeling you had to "cover" all. [/QUOTE]
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