OK this is just kind of bugging me.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Apr 26, 2013.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    So I had lunch with an old friend today who I have known for a long time. She knows my kids and has always been supportive. I dont see her very often so she has not been in on the day to day blow by blow situation with difficult child. The last time I saw her he was travelling around the country but had not been homeless for very long. This friend does not have children herself although she loves kids.

    So I was brining her up to date... and was telling her about the night he got back to CA, lost his ID and was not sure he would get into treatment. She just said "well that is not your problem, you cant keep rescuing him". I was like wait I let him be homeless for 5 months.... I cant turn my back on him when he is wanting help!!!!

    She did back off and we went on to have a nice lunch.... but the ending felt weird. And for some reason this interaction bugs me. I felt so darned defensive and misunderstood and darn it you all know I have hung tough and let him be on the streets for 5 long months in the middle of winter.... and I will let him be homeless again if I have too. It does not seem like the time to turn my back on him would be when he has the flu, is coughing up blood, lost his id while he was waiting til the next day to get into treatmen!

    Sometimes I am surprised at peoples reactions who have not been there done that!!!

    On another note I have been and listening to the book on tape "Clean" by David Sheff. Very interesting, very well researched and gives some food for thought. It puts what we have been through into perspective... our treatment system for addicts is truly messed up!!

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry it was so uncomfortable. I think it is truly impossible for anyone who hasn't been in our situations to understand at all. My own extended family doesn't understand so how can I expect others to. I think that's part of why this walk is so lonely. I don't even try to discuss it with anyone anymore except my support friends.
  3. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member


    thats why I love this board and my Alanon friends. These people get it like most don't.

    my sponsor heard an NPR interview about that book. Recommended I read it.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I read his first book and the one his son wrote. REAL close to home for me...

    I talk way too much and am way too open about my daughter's issues. I need to stop because others truly don't understand....and then I get annoyed when they say something stupid...

    Love this board....just don't know how I would survive without it!!!
  5. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    I am very careful about who I talk to - mostly only those in recovery themselves or who have experienced this with a member of their direct family. Before I was so careful, I too would hear "advice" that was WAY too simplistic or something I had tried months back and if it was that easy to fix - it would have been fixed. That type of advice is frustrating to hear and often given in a judgemental way. After our recent crisis many people asked me 100 times if I wanted to talk or what they could do - this time I chose not to talk to almost any of them - it just too painful and they don't understand and certainly would not understand how it happened AGAIN. Most people assume that if a difficult child has gotten in trouble once, they would of course change their ways because WHO wild want to put themselves in that posits again. Unfortunately - it doesn't work that way usually.