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OK Warrior Moms - I Need to Devise a Plan...
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 435319" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>I don't think friend's mom set a bad precedent, but she certainly doesn't know what she's gotten herself into. Does difficult child EVER like the rules at your house? She might calm down and come home for a night, but knowing she's got and "easy" out now, she will probably be gone more than home, untill friend's mom decides it's not working for her.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think it's a great idea. Only leave the necessities, and maybe stuff she bought herself, or got as gifts from others. I think this is definitely a project for you and Ms Ally this today. Wonder what she's gonna think about all this?</p><p></p><p>This reminded me very much of a situation I had with a 15 y/o that was staying with me for a while. (his mom, my friend, was in prison, and we agreed to take him in to keep him out of the system. He was NOT a difficult child - well, maybe a cultural one 'around the edges' - and we agreed t take him to offer him a view of more "stable" family life.) Anyway, I don't even remember what the real issue was but, it was 'normal' teenage stuff, and he screwed something up royally, so I grounded him for two weeks. Of course he wasn't happy at all, and discussion led to argument, and argument led to him deciding to just walk out and go to a friend's. He was grounded, so if he left, he was doubly in trouble and husband told him not to come back. Well, friend's mom was totally OK with it, and we talked and worked out a plan. (so much more to the story but totally not relevant here). Needless to say, about 3 days later, I got a call from this boy. He wanted to go to a theme park with friends. He had asked friend's mom for permission to go. She wasn't comfortable granting that permission because her kid wasn't going, and this was a "pretty big deal" and she had no legal power/responsibility for him, s she made him call me. That was one of the few times that I thought REALLY fast 'on my feet'. I told him that I had grounded him for two weeks, and if he actually had the nerve to ask my permission to go, the answer was NO, because as far as I was concerned, he was still grounded, even though he was not living in my house. YAY me! Friends' mom thought it was brilliant! Again, this boy was not a true difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, on further reflection, I would reach out to difficult child's friend's mom, and thank her for 'helping' out difficult child, and while I don't think you have to give her any gory details, express legitimate concerns, and keep lines of communication open. The bad side of this is if difficult child if filling her with lies, and she is a "good" mom, difficult child may no longer be welcome there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 435319, member: 11965"] I don't think friend's mom set a bad precedent, but she certainly doesn't know what she's gotten herself into. Does difficult child EVER like the rules at your house? She might calm down and come home for a night, but knowing she's got and "easy" out now, she will probably be gone more than home, untill friend's mom decides it's not working for her. I think it's a great idea. Only leave the necessities, and maybe stuff she bought herself, or got as gifts from others. I think this is definitely a project for you and Ms Ally this today. Wonder what she's gonna think about all this? This reminded me very much of a situation I had with a 15 y/o that was staying with me for a while. (his mom, my friend, was in prison, and we agreed to take him in to keep him out of the system. He was NOT a difficult child - well, maybe a cultural one 'around the edges' - and we agreed t take him to offer him a view of more "stable" family life.) Anyway, I don't even remember what the real issue was but, it was 'normal' teenage stuff, and he screwed something up royally, so I grounded him for two weeks. Of course he wasn't happy at all, and discussion led to argument, and argument led to him deciding to just walk out and go to a friend's. He was grounded, so if he left, he was doubly in trouble and husband told him not to come back. Well, friend's mom was totally OK with it, and we talked and worked out a plan. (so much more to the story but totally not relevant here). Needless to say, about 3 days later, I got a call from this boy. He wanted to go to a theme park with friends. He had asked friend's mom for permission to go. She wasn't comfortable granting that permission because her kid wasn't going, and this was a "pretty big deal" and she had no legal power/responsibility for him, s she made him call me. That was one of the few times that I thought REALLY fast 'on my feet'. I told him that I had grounded him for two weeks, and if he actually had the nerve to ask my permission to go, the answer was NO, because as far as I was concerned, he was still grounded, even though he was not living in my house. YAY me! Friends' mom thought it was brilliant! Again, this boy was not a true difficult child. Anyway, on further reflection, I would reach out to difficult child's friend's mom, and thank her for 'helping' out difficult child, and while I don't think you have to give her any gory details, express legitimate concerns, and keep lines of communication open. The bad side of this is if difficult child if filling her with lies, and she is a "good" mom, difficult child may no longer be welcome there. [/QUOTE]
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