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OK Warrior Moms - I Need to Devise a Plan...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 435349" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I sort of have two opinions. One is that you should do everything possible to keep difficult child gone. She clearly is NOT healthy to have around your son, or in your home. Offer the other mom custody. Make it clear that if she wants your kid, she takes her for good. Not for minivacations, for good. No back and forth. You live in one home. Period. If you are well behaved you get to go on sleepovers for one or maybe two nights on non-school nights. If you aren't? You do not go anywhere and you have a ton of chores.</p><p></p><p>Make sure that home rules are clearly posted, they include LOTS of chores, only wearing clothing mom likes, not shopping with those who are not family because you shoplift (if that is one of her habits), whatever. Make home very uninviting. I remember we gave a lady who lived in NY this advice because there parents MUST provide a home if a child under the idiotic age of 21 chooses to live with them. they have to provide a roof, food, etc... but can make any rules they want. Make those rules tough and enforce them. So the kid in MY was able to move out from age 16 to 21, but couldn't get food stamps or other support. If they needed that support they had to go home to parents, who legally had to provide it. But with the strict rules, few kids chose to stay (put in place because the difficult child behavior was abusing the family and out of control, of course, not just to drive a kid out if the kids was a easy child).</p><p></p><p>Keep the rules that are in place that difficult child hates. Strip the room so she does not WANT to come back. Not of everything, just everything that isn't hers, that you didn't buy her and you think/know she stole from someone/somewhere. Take out luxury items like ipods, tv, computer, whatever. Get rid of things that are dirty and collect dust - she moved out so she does NOT have the right to store her junk there. </p><p></p><p>Or, force her to come home, let the mom know she is a runaway when she goes there and you will call the police and go and drag her home. Mom will then likely sympathize mroe with difficult child and let her come there more. Or mom will not want legal trouble and will kick her out.</p><p></p><p>Think about it, but I would NOT make easy rules just to get this mom to think you are reasonable. You know how far difficult child will push you if you give her a smidge of an inch, so make sure the rules will keep her in line if she comes home. </p><p></p><p>If the ohter mom wants to pay her way, have her live with them, then as long as she isn't allowing difficult child to do things like drugs, stay out all night, whatever, do what you can to encourage this mom to keep her and to encourage difficult child to not come home. THere is no benefit to the family to have her at home, is there? Make SURE that when difficult child goes to this house that she knows she MUST call before she comes over (keep the door locked - if they come and say why did you ;lock her out, tell the cops that difficult child told you she was moving out and not coming back because she didn't like the rules. You cannot lock her in her room, or the house, and she terrorizes everyone.</p><p></p><p>Whatever happens, I would NOT allow the disney mini vaca when she is upset with something at your place. She can come home, or she can be gone, but she cannot do both. If she wants to be gone, and this other person wants her, sign over custody. Give a note taht says that this lady can take her to the doctor, sign school stuff, do whatever with her and that this woman now has custody of difficult child. Then let her terrorize the other house. Soon enough, if they have to have her all the time, not just for a day or five here and there, they won't want her. Esp when she drops her honeymoon act and does to them what she does to you. The dirty clothes/no underwear changes would gross out the parents of most of my kids' friends.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 435349, member: 1233"] I sort of have two opinions. One is that you should do everything possible to keep difficult child gone. She clearly is NOT healthy to have around your son, or in your home. Offer the other mom custody. Make it clear that if she wants your kid, she takes her for good. Not for minivacations, for good. No back and forth. You live in one home. Period. If you are well behaved you get to go on sleepovers for one or maybe two nights on non-school nights. If you aren't? You do not go anywhere and you have a ton of chores. Make sure that home rules are clearly posted, they include LOTS of chores, only wearing clothing mom likes, not shopping with those who are not family because you shoplift (if that is one of her habits), whatever. Make home very uninviting. I remember we gave a lady who lived in NY this advice because there parents MUST provide a home if a child under the idiotic age of 21 chooses to live with them. they have to provide a roof, food, etc... but can make any rules they want. Make those rules tough and enforce them. So the kid in MY was able to move out from age 16 to 21, but couldn't get food stamps or other support. If they needed that support they had to go home to parents, who legally had to provide it. But with the strict rules, few kids chose to stay (put in place because the difficult child behavior was abusing the family and out of control, of course, not just to drive a kid out if the kids was a easy child). Keep the rules that are in place that difficult child hates. Strip the room so she does not WANT to come back. Not of everything, just everything that isn't hers, that you didn't buy her and you think/know she stole from someone/somewhere. Take out luxury items like ipods, tv, computer, whatever. Get rid of things that are dirty and collect dust - she moved out so she does NOT have the right to store her junk there. Or, force her to come home, let the mom know she is a runaway when she goes there and you will call the police and go and drag her home. Mom will then likely sympathize mroe with difficult child and let her come there more. Or mom will not want legal trouble and will kick her out. Think about it, but I would NOT make easy rules just to get this mom to think you are reasonable. You know how far difficult child will push you if you give her a smidge of an inch, so make sure the rules will keep her in line if she comes home. If the ohter mom wants to pay her way, have her live with them, then as long as she isn't allowing difficult child to do things like drugs, stay out all night, whatever, do what you can to encourage this mom to keep her and to encourage difficult child to not come home. THere is no benefit to the family to have her at home, is there? Make SURE that when difficult child goes to this house that she knows she MUST call before she comes over (keep the door locked - if they come and say why did you ;lock her out, tell the cops that difficult child told you she was moving out and not coming back because she didn't like the rules. You cannot lock her in her room, or the house, and she terrorizes everyone. Whatever happens, I would NOT allow the disney mini vaca when she is upset with something at your place. She can come home, or she can be gone, but she cannot do both. If she wants to be gone, and this other person wants her, sign over custody. Give a note taht says that this lady can take her to the doctor, sign school stuff, do whatever with her and that this woman now has custody of difficult child. Then let her terrorize the other house. Soon enough, if they have to have her all the time, not just for a day or five here and there, they won't want her. Esp when she drops her honeymoon act and does to them what she does to you. The dirty clothes/no underwear changes would gross out the parents of most of my kids' friends. [/QUOTE]
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