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OK Warrior Moms - I Need to Devise a Plan...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 435425" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Let natural consequences play out. I know you don't want her to come back, but you do need to not make home too deliberately unattractive or you give her ammunition to use against you in false accusations. "See? I TOLD you my mother was mean! She stripped my room!"</p><p></p><p>If there is stuff of yours or anybody else's that she nicked, take it back. I would treat her room as I would any child who left home under pleasant circumstances (say, to go to college). The room is there for when the child comes back home for a visit perhaps. It also has to become a spare room at some point, but I think it is still a bit too soon. Remember the circumstances where she left - she got literally tossed out the door. So her coming and going now, and giving you attitude - ignore it or refuse to accept it, but don't react to it. The world will do your job for you very soon.</p><p></p><p>This other mother is about to learn, fast, why difficult child is a problem for you. If she does not learn fast, it will be because for whatever reason, difficult child is able to behave better for her. And that also would be good for difficult child, even if for a while at least, it makes you look like the ogre difficult child claims you to be. If difficult child is still honeymooning at her friend's place, then she is demonstrating an ability and awareness of the social rules required. The question is - can she keep it up? What happens if she fails to keep it up?</p><p></p><p>If YOU do the right things, the appropriate things and even the generous things (within reason, don't let yourself look like a doormat) then whatever difficult child says about you will be seen to be a lie. But if you strip out her room to the level of a jail cell, she will complain about you and get away with it.</p><p></p><p>In summary - if miracles are happening and difficult child is able to behave in this other home - good. Let them take over from here and enjoy the tranquility. But I'm sceptical of this miracle, and feel it's just a honeymoon that won't last. In which case, all you have to do is put your feet up while you wait.</p><p></p><p>That is when you strip her room - when she wants to come back. That is when you give her the rules and make them as strict as you want them to be - when she has worn out her welcome elsewhere. Not before. in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 435425, member: 1991"] Let natural consequences play out. I know you don't want her to come back, but you do need to not make home too deliberately unattractive or you give her ammunition to use against you in false accusations. "See? I TOLD you my mother was mean! She stripped my room!" If there is stuff of yours or anybody else's that she nicked, take it back. I would treat her room as I would any child who left home under pleasant circumstances (say, to go to college). The room is there for when the child comes back home for a visit perhaps. It also has to become a spare room at some point, but I think it is still a bit too soon. Remember the circumstances where she left - she got literally tossed out the door. So her coming and going now, and giving you attitude - ignore it or refuse to accept it, but don't react to it. The world will do your job for you very soon. This other mother is about to learn, fast, why difficult child is a problem for you. If she does not learn fast, it will be because for whatever reason, difficult child is able to behave better for her. And that also would be good for difficult child, even if for a while at least, it makes you look like the ogre difficult child claims you to be. If difficult child is still honeymooning at her friend's place, then she is demonstrating an ability and awareness of the social rules required. The question is - can she keep it up? What happens if she fails to keep it up? If YOU do the right things, the appropriate things and even the generous things (within reason, don't let yourself look like a doormat) then whatever difficult child says about you will be seen to be a lie. But if you strip out her room to the level of a jail cell, she will complain about you and get away with it. In summary - if miracles are happening and difficult child is able to behave in this other home - good. Let them take over from here and enjoy the tranquility. But I'm sceptical of this miracle, and feel it's just a honeymoon that won't last. In which case, all you have to do is put your feet up while you wait. That is when you strip her room - when she wants to come back. That is when you give her the rules and make them as strict as you want them to be - when she has worn out her welcome elsewhere. Not before. in my opinion. Marg [/QUOTE]
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