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Oldest Adult ODD starting problems
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 246862" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I highly recommend posting on Parent Emeritus. All of the parents there are dealing with grown kids who are still problematic and they have fantastic advice. I am really sorry you are going through this with both of your young adult girls. There does come a time when one has to say, "Enough! I matter too!"</p><p></p><p> I think I can tell you in advance that most who post on Parent Emeritus, including me, would tell you that you need to detach from your daughters--both of them--and stop giving them money. If your one daughter is disabled she is getting SSI and that's some money and she should be able to try to get a job for people with disabilities. There are organizations that place disabled adults in jobs that they can do. If she can drive and party hard, she doesn't seem maybe totally unable to function. As for GM, that is really sad that the adult girls are taking advantage of her, but she is making the choice to allow it. When she was pushed, she should have called the police and told your daughter to pack her bags, even if that meant she'd have to spend a few nights in a homeless shelter (or more than a few nights). NOBODY should treat her GM that way and in my opinion she shouldn't be giving her a place to stay, whatever her situation. There is really nothing YOU can do to make GM throw them out or to change your daughters. They are too old. But you can cut off the money while they are behaving so irresponsibly (I personally wouldn't give money regularly to any child that age unless he was truly totally doing the best he could and had a good attitude). It doesn't sound like they are trying--sounds like they are still stuck in the younger party years and they won't grow up if they aren't forced to do it. Too bad GM can't lay down the law--any violence and they are gone. If daughters use drugs, they are gone. If daughters don't help, they are gone. If daughters dont take their medications WITHOUT also drinking or using recreation drugs, they are gone. She is letting them abuse her, and making you be her rescuer. As for not having to listen to you because of their age, when they are both 100&#37; independent of you and your money and never call you to bail them out of bad situations, then they can do whatever they want. Not until then. JMO--again, I'd post on Parent Emeritus. They will teach you Detachment 101 <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Any substance abuse involved here?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 246862, member: 1550"] I highly recommend posting on Parent Emeritus. All of the parents there are dealing with grown kids who are still problematic and they have fantastic advice. I am really sorry you are going through this with both of your young adult girls. There does come a time when one has to say, "Enough! I matter too!" I think I can tell you in advance that most who post on Parent Emeritus, including me, would tell you that you need to detach from your daughters--both of them--and stop giving them money. If your one daughter is disabled she is getting SSI and that's some money and she should be able to try to get a job for people with disabilities. There are organizations that place disabled adults in jobs that they can do. If she can drive and party hard, she doesn't seem maybe totally unable to function. As for GM, that is really sad that the adult girls are taking advantage of her, but she is making the choice to allow it. When she was pushed, she should have called the police and told your daughter to pack her bags, even if that meant she'd have to spend a few nights in a homeless shelter (or more than a few nights). NOBODY should treat her GM that way and in my opinion she shouldn't be giving her a place to stay, whatever her situation. There is really nothing YOU can do to make GM throw them out or to change your daughters. They are too old. But you can cut off the money while they are behaving so irresponsibly (I personally wouldn't give money regularly to any child that age unless he was truly totally doing the best he could and had a good attitude). It doesn't sound like they are trying--sounds like they are still stuck in the younger party years and they won't grow up if they aren't forced to do it. Too bad GM can't lay down the law--any violence and they are gone. If daughters use drugs, they are gone. If daughters don't help, they are gone. If daughters dont take their medications WITHOUT also drinking or using recreation drugs, they are gone. She is letting them abuse her, and making you be her rescuer. As for not having to listen to you because of their age, when they are both 100% independent of you and your money and never call you to bail them out of bad situations, then they can do whatever they want. Not until then. JMO--again, I'd post on Parent Emeritus. They will teach you Detachment 101 :) Any substance abuse involved here? [/QUOTE]
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