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Parent Emeritus
Oldest's Spiral, again.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 366161" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Though no one wants to admit it, we don't love our kids the same way. Our feelings for them are not "equal". They just aren't. Our relationships with them are based on them, not on each other. When they are children it makes sense to give them different things. You would not usually give a son a pink ruffled mini skirt or tampons, just as you would not buy a jock strap for a son. You might attend a dance recital and a football game, one for each kid, and only really enjoy one of them. It is just reality.</p><p></p><p>Do not let the guilt over not letting Oldest stay even though you let Youngest stay. Youngest has not done what Oldest continues to do over and over. Youngest will eventually get on her feet and take care of her life and move out again. Oldest will not ever do these things. Help given to her is pointless. You can teach her to fish a thousand times but if she will still go hungry if she refuses to get out the pole and go down to the river and bait the hook and fish. Until Oldest hits whatever abyss her bottom is under the "help" you give will be useless. The best way to help Oldest is to refuse to give in to the guilt. It will help her by pushing her another inch toward her bottom. Sooner or later she will run out of people to burn.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry it has to be his way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 366161, member: 1233"] Though no one wants to admit it, we don't love our kids the same way. Our feelings for them are not "equal". They just aren't. Our relationships with them are based on them, not on each other. When they are children it makes sense to give them different things. You would not usually give a son a pink ruffled mini skirt or tampons, just as you would not buy a jock strap for a son. You might attend a dance recital and a football game, one for each kid, and only really enjoy one of them. It is just reality. Do not let the guilt over not letting Oldest stay even though you let Youngest stay. Youngest has not done what Oldest continues to do over and over. Youngest will eventually get on her feet and take care of her life and move out again. Oldest will not ever do these things. Help given to her is pointless. You can teach her to fish a thousand times but if she will still go hungry if she refuses to get out the pole and go down to the river and bait the hook and fish. Until Oldest hits whatever abyss her bottom is under the "help" you give will be useless. The best way to help Oldest is to refuse to give in to the guilt. It will help her by pushing her another inch toward her bottom. Sooner or later she will run out of people to burn. I am so sorry it has to be his way. [/QUOTE]
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