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OMG. Parents of pre-teen girls, I NEED ADVICE!
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<blockquote data-quote="neednewtechnique" data-source="post: 53523" data-attributes="member: 3527"><p>I am what you could call a "REFORMED" queen bee, I guess....I am only 23, so my reign of terror only ended a few years ago. I am not proud to say it, but in this case, I may be able to offer some advice. </p><p></p><p>It is sad to say, but your daughter is faced with an incredibly difficult situation, and the fact that she refuses to invite herself into an event that she wasn't invited to CLEARLY shows that she recognizes one of the WORST AND TOUGHEST TRUTHS of MIDDLE SCHOOL DRAMA. It isn't right, but the girls that "invite themselves along" are the ones that get the bad reputation and start getting picked on. They won't do it to her face, and most of the time they would still allow her to come, and would even be nice and have a good time with her, but then the minute she turns away, they will talk about her behind her back....not to mention they will try to secretly plan things so that she doesn't find out about them, which will FURTHER make her feel left out. </p><p></p><p>As sad as it is to say, by refusing to insert herself where she wasn't invited, she really has made a wise choice. As for how to fix the problem......</p><p></p><p>My first suggestion would be for her to be the one to take control and do the inviting. As you mentioned, there is always something going on, and things seem to get in the way, but if you can plan a special event for her and a friend, a few weeks in advance, she can start to build her relationships with her friends back up, one at a time. Once she is comfortable with them again, try inviting a few at a time for group activities. After a while, things will go back to the way they were, and she will forget the whole thing ever happened, and so will her friends. That IS ONE OF THE GOOD THINGS about that age...these things don't last very long (at least not normally). </p><p></p><p>Another suggestion, which SORT OF relates to what your daughter was asking of you about calling her friend's mom..... I would not call and ask if she could come over, but if you and the girl's mom have somewhat of a relationship with each other, you could always make a friendly phone call and just explain that your daughter is feeling like her daughter might not want to be her friend anymore, and ask if she knows whether something happened or see if she would be willing have a friendly chat with her daughter about their relationship and see what's going on. Then give them a few days, and give her a call again. Maybe by then, her mom will be able to convince her to take some one on one time with your daughter and they can work on their friendship.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully, this makes sense and sounds like it might work for you. I know this is a rough age and a tough time for your daughter, so tell her to just hang in there!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="neednewtechnique, post: 53523, member: 3527"] I am what you could call a "REFORMED" queen bee, I guess....I am only 23, so my reign of terror only ended a few years ago. I am not proud to say it, but in this case, I may be able to offer some advice. It is sad to say, but your daughter is faced with an incredibly difficult situation, and the fact that she refuses to invite herself into an event that she wasn't invited to CLEARLY shows that she recognizes one of the WORST AND TOUGHEST TRUTHS of MIDDLE SCHOOL DRAMA. It isn't right, but the girls that "invite themselves along" are the ones that get the bad reputation and start getting picked on. They won't do it to her face, and most of the time they would still allow her to come, and would even be nice and have a good time with her, but then the minute she turns away, they will talk about her behind her back....not to mention they will try to secretly plan things so that she doesn't find out about them, which will FURTHER make her feel left out. As sad as it is to say, by refusing to insert herself where she wasn't invited, she really has made a wise choice. As for how to fix the problem...... My first suggestion would be for her to be the one to take control and do the inviting. As you mentioned, there is always something going on, and things seem to get in the way, but if you can plan a special event for her and a friend, a few weeks in advance, she can start to build her relationships with her friends back up, one at a time. Once she is comfortable with them again, try inviting a few at a time for group activities. After a while, things will go back to the way they were, and she will forget the whole thing ever happened, and so will her friends. That IS ONE OF THE GOOD THINGS about that age...these things don't last very long (at least not normally). Another suggestion, which SORT OF relates to what your daughter was asking of you about calling her friend's mom..... I would not call and ask if she could come over, but if you and the girl's mom have somewhat of a relationship with each other, you could always make a friendly phone call and just explain that your daughter is feeling like her daughter might not want to be her friend anymore, and ask if she knows whether something happened or see if she would be willing have a friendly chat with her daughter about their relationship and see what's going on. Then give them a few days, and give her a call again. Maybe by then, her mom will be able to convince her to take some one on one time with your daughter and they can work on their friendship. Hopefully, this makes sense and sounds like it might work for you. I know this is a rough age and a tough time for your daughter, so tell her to just hang in there!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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OMG. Parents of pre-teen girls, I NEED ADVICE!
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