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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 665451" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh boy Seeking Peace, I think we can all relate to how your are feeling right now. I'm sorry. </p><p></p><p>Where you are is a really crummy place to be, to be hanging there wanting to help, recognizing how helping hasn't "helped," knowing what the consequences will be when she doesn't realize or doesn't care what they are.......in a typical parent/child connection, we would likely step in to help........but, with our kids, that often becomes part of the problem. It's so hard to negotiate that reality.</p><p></p><p>It is a hard place to be. I paid and paid and paid for my daughter's mishaps for a very long time......until I got to a place where I could finally see that none of it changed anything, and she also treated me badly too. As I stopped doing that, she faced the consequences of her own choices and our relationship improved. That doesn't always happen, but it can happen. </p><p></p><p>I also have mental illness in my family and my daughter exhibits similar behaviors, although she has not been diagnosed. That makes it more difficult sometimes to stop the helping. I had to get to the place where I realized that my ''helping" was in truth, hindering both of us, regardless of her mental health. </p><p></p><p>Only you can decide the best course of action based on your experience and your willingness or unwillingness at this point. We know how challenging it is to be where you are, no easy answers, only our hard won ability to make one choice at a time, take one step at a time until we come through and start to see some light at the end of this long tunnel.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there SP, we're all here for you.......we get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 665451, member: 13542"] Oh boy Seeking Peace, I think we can all relate to how your are feeling right now. I'm sorry. Where you are is a really crummy place to be, to be hanging there wanting to help, recognizing how helping hasn't "helped," knowing what the consequences will be when she doesn't realize or doesn't care what they are.......in a typical parent/child connection, we would likely step in to help........but, with our kids, that often becomes part of the problem. It's so hard to negotiate that reality. It is a hard place to be. I paid and paid and paid for my daughter's mishaps for a very long time......until I got to a place where I could finally see that none of it changed anything, and she also treated me badly too. As I stopped doing that, she faced the consequences of her own choices and our relationship improved. That doesn't always happen, but it can happen. I also have mental illness in my family and my daughter exhibits similar behaviors, although she has not been diagnosed. That makes it more difficult sometimes to stop the helping. I had to get to the place where I realized that my ''helping" was in truth, hindering both of us, regardless of her mental health. Only you can decide the best course of action based on your experience and your willingness or unwillingness at this point. We know how challenging it is to be where you are, no easy answers, only our hard won ability to make one choice at a time, take one step at a time until we come through and start to see some light at the end of this long tunnel. Hang in there SP, we're all here for you.......we get it. [/QUOTE]
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