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Once Again - All Mom's Fault (Just Shoot Me Now!)
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 502199" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>"Coulda, woulda, shoulda. So according to you [therapist], I let the side down. But back then, how could I know what to focus on? I didn't have a crystal ball. Question is, what do we do NOW? And can you guarantee me you would not have made the same [alleged] mistakes you believe I did, given the same set of experiences? Let's focus on now."</p><p></p><p>Stuff yesterday. It can't be changed. Stuff the blaming. It gets absolutely nowhere except your back up. Look to the now and the future - let's put the kid back into Kindergarten and start over. YOU [therapist] talk to the teacher and say, "You must hold this kid to a higher standard and focus on grades." Now the kid is older, she should sail through Kindergarten and Grade 1. </p><p></p><p>Start over. Seriously accept this as a workable solution, go to the school and let them know that the therapist said, so it must be the right way to go. Then when they stop laughing, ask them to talk to therapist to explain why this was never going to work, not even when she was in 1st grade for the first time...</p><p></p><p>Where possible, always let other people fight amongst themselves. For example, I've just been hassling local officials over them closing the roads into our village over the holiday period. We live in a popular area, we're used to road closures for various (sensible) reasons. But these were not sensible. We had the park rangers telling the police to close the roads, the park rangers not telling their own staff that some people were still allowed through the roadblocks (namely, people who were coming to the village) and then when I talked to the police and later talked to the park rangers, each group blamed the other. I considered the evidence, made my analysis and chose sides. Where possible, side with the cops. So when the park rangers blamed the mess on police, I happily shared what they said with the police next time they said, "It was the park rangers."</p><p>"Really?" I said. "They were adamant it was you guys. The bloke who I spoke to is [name supplied] and he said, [and I quoted verbatim]."</p><p>Worked a treat. Sit back and watch the floorshow. I then took it further - brought in another government agency the park rangers were blaming. Again quoted what I had been told and asked for assistance in clearing through the morass of misinformation and blame. Haven't needed to talk to those guys again, but we could hear the *thwack* of steel-capped boots kicking read ends right over in our isolated part of the wilderness...</p><p></p><p>Go for it. Seriously - see what would need to be done to send her back to first grade and start over, in order to remedy the current "parentally-caused behavioural problems". </p><p></p><p>Also note where the blame is being put - the school is being blamed here too, for not holding this girl to a higher standard than the other kids. Identify just where the therapist's words could be seen by the school as criticism of them. Then share your analysis with the school, ask them for some sort of help (moral support, ammunition, whatever) in canning this idiot. Because a county therapist who thinks like this will be saying it to more than just you, which means other parents out there are hearing these things and blaming the schools too.</p><p></p><p>Find the angle. Use it as leverage.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 502199, member: 1991"] "Coulda, woulda, shoulda. So according to you [therapist], I let the side down. But back then, how could I know what to focus on? I didn't have a crystal ball. Question is, what do we do NOW? And can you guarantee me you would not have made the same [alleged] mistakes you believe I did, given the same set of experiences? Let's focus on now." Stuff yesterday. It can't be changed. Stuff the blaming. It gets absolutely nowhere except your back up. Look to the now and the future - let's put the kid back into Kindergarten and start over. YOU [therapist] talk to the teacher and say, "You must hold this kid to a higher standard and focus on grades." Now the kid is older, she should sail through Kindergarten and Grade 1. Start over. Seriously accept this as a workable solution, go to the school and let them know that the therapist said, so it must be the right way to go. Then when they stop laughing, ask them to talk to therapist to explain why this was never going to work, not even when she was in 1st grade for the first time... Where possible, always let other people fight amongst themselves. For example, I've just been hassling local officials over them closing the roads into our village over the holiday period. We live in a popular area, we're used to road closures for various (sensible) reasons. But these were not sensible. We had the park rangers telling the police to close the roads, the park rangers not telling their own staff that some people were still allowed through the roadblocks (namely, people who were coming to the village) and then when I talked to the police and later talked to the park rangers, each group blamed the other. I considered the evidence, made my analysis and chose sides. Where possible, side with the cops. So when the park rangers blamed the mess on police, I happily shared what they said with the police next time they said, "It was the park rangers." "Really?" I said. "They were adamant it was you guys. The bloke who I spoke to is [name supplied] and he said, [and I quoted verbatim]." Worked a treat. Sit back and watch the floorshow. I then took it further - brought in another government agency the park rangers were blaming. Again quoted what I had been told and asked for assistance in clearing through the morass of misinformation and blame. Haven't needed to talk to those guys again, but we could hear the *thwack* of steel-capped boots kicking read ends right over in our isolated part of the wilderness... Go for it. Seriously - see what would need to be done to send her back to first grade and start over, in order to remedy the current "parentally-caused behavioural problems". Also note where the blame is being put - the school is being blamed here too, for not holding this girl to a higher standard than the other kids. Identify just where the therapist's words could be seen by the school as criticism of them. Then share your analysis with the school, ask them for some sort of help (moral support, ammunition, whatever) in canning this idiot. Because a county therapist who thinks like this will be saying it to more than just you, which means other parents out there are hearing these things and blaming the schools too. Find the angle. Use it as leverage. Marg [/QUOTE]
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