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Parent Emeritus
One Year Later-lots has happened, nothing has changed, at the end of my rope
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<blockquote data-quote="catbee" data-source="post: 632003" data-attributes="member: 18217"><p>Scott, as you are painfully aware, your wife needs to be on the same page as you. First off, I would highly recommend you join a support group where you can VENT your frustrations and receive support from other parents who have similar challenges (even better if your wife went too).We belong to a parent support group called BILY (Because I Love You--there are chapters throughout the U.S.); we meet weekly. We have many parents who's adult children are the reason they attend. Support from others who really know what you are going through, saved my life. I was at the end of my rope with- our (then) 15yr old daughter and I really wasn't sure if I wanted to live anymore. I'm a strong person but I was worn down by years of constant conflict and a very real fear for my daughter's safety.Cutting ties completely with the (adult) child is often necessary, otherwise you (and eventually your wife), will go down with the ship. The 'enabling' spouse enables because they are so fearful of what will happen to their child if they don't 'help' them... It's a vicious cycle. I'm not you, but if it were me, I would first find a support group (you're gonna need others to help you stay strong), then give my spouse an ultimatum to either stop the enabling and get help, OR, to expect a seperation until he/she does. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I believe there is hope, providing your wife cuts the ties alongside you. In the meantime, we are here to listen and to help and encourage you through this. As my wise mother in law always said, "tie another knot to the end of your rope and hang on tighter".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="catbee, post: 632003, member: 18217"] Scott, as you are painfully aware, your wife needs to be on the same page as you. First off, I would highly recommend you join a support group where you can VENT your frustrations and receive support from other parents who have similar challenges (even better if your wife went too).We belong to a parent support group called BILY (Because I Love You--there are chapters throughout the U.S.); we meet weekly. We have many parents who's adult children are the reason they attend. Support from others who really know what you are going through, saved my life. I was at the end of my rope with- our (then) 15yr old daughter and I really wasn't sure if I wanted to live anymore. I'm a strong person but I was worn down by years of constant conflict and a very real fear for my daughter's safety.Cutting ties completely with the (adult) child is often necessary, otherwise you (and eventually your wife), will go down with the ship. The 'enabling' spouse enables because they are so fearful of what will happen to their child if they don't 'help' them... It's a vicious cycle. I'm not you, but if it were me, I would first find a support group (you're gonna need others to help you stay strong), then give my spouse an ultimatum to either stop the enabling and get help, OR, to expect a seperation until he/she does. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I believe there is hope, providing your wife cuts the ties alongside you. In the meantime, we are here to listen and to help and encourage you through this. As my wise mother in law always said, "tie another knot to the end of your rope and hang on tighter". [/QUOTE]
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One Year Later-lots has happened, nothing has changed, at the end of my rope
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