I joined here last July I believe and I haven't posted anything about our son since after Thanksgiving. That is because I really just didn't feel like posting much when things started to get bad. When I joined here a year ago my 30 year old (nearly 31, now days away from being 32) son lost his job due to heroin use. He was living with a 20 year old girl who was also an addict. His house was in foreclosure and he spent some time living in South Carolina and Florida before returning here around the holdiays. Thanksgiving went well. He had a job and a roof over his head and he and his girlfriend were saving money. Well in the life of an addict, things can change in an instant. In early December he had an argument with his boss and walked off the job. Since his boss was also his landlord, he had lost the roof over his head once again. He and his girlfirend managed to save up nearly $2500 in a few months. He spent most of it on motel rooms in the town where she was living with her aunt and uncle. When that money was exhausted, he was broke with nowhere to go. It was also starting to get cold. A few weeks before Christmas I was out of town on a business trip when my wife called and told me that he was staying with us. I went through the roof. I had told her explicitly that he was not allowed to ever live with us again. My wife insisted it was only temporary until he could find something else and that it was terribly cold out. I didn't care and continued to aruge with her. She finally told me that if I made her put her only son out in the cold at Christmas she would never forgive me. So just like always, I caved and told her that he could stay until the day after Christmas and then he had to leave. She agreed and supposedly he had a buddy who was going to let him sleep on his couch. So the day after Christmas comes and the so called "buddy" isn't returning my sons calls. So my son just up and leaves without telling anyone. Two days later he calls his mother and tells her that he has been sleeping in the garage of his ex wife's cousin for two nights and now he's really sick and thinks he has pneumonia. Ever the sucker, my wife tells him that he can come back to stay with us. I am absolutely furious. His staying with us this time has been a terribly uncomfortable experience for me. Luckily the horrible economy worked in his favor. He and his ex haven't made a mortgage payment since October of 2012 but the bank hasn't taken the house yet. He's able to move back into the house, but he has no heat, electricity, or hot water because he owes all the utilites and services were disconnected. At least he's got indoor shelter and won't be staying at our house. We gave him a space heater and his neighbor took pity on him and let him run an extension cord to plug the heater in. The kid has no car so my wife and I (mostly the wife) were his taxi service yet again. He was making money doing odd jobs, having tag sales, and selling scrap metal. My wife also spent a good amount of time helping him clean the house up so that he could get a room mate. She also helped him file the paperwork to contest the foreclousre. We live in a judicial foreclosure state-meaning that only a judge can grant a foreclosure. He has no hope of keeping the house, but by contesting the foreclosure he could keep this in limbo and have a place to live for up to a year. One day I was looking through the mail when I noticed a bill from one of the banks I have a credit card with. I thought it was odd seeing a bill since the card had a zero balance and I hadn't used it in over a year. I opened the bill immediately and was shocked to see a balance of over $1000 on the card. Then I look further at the bill and that's when I realize it wasn't MY bill. My wife had gone behind my back and taken a credit card out for her son in her name. He had owed the electric company over $500 that had to be paid in order to ge this lights turned on. He also used it to buy a new $200 cell phone that he claimed someone jumped him and stole. My thought-he either traded it for drugs or got robbed while buying drugs. Needless to say I was furious. My wife confessed to taking out the card behind my back because she was afraid of how I would react if I found out she was giving him money. I was pissed and I forced her to immediately call the bank and cancel the card while I watched. Of course she claims that he will pay us back (LOL). The worst part is the card is like 29% interest and she is only paying the minimum each month. His behavior has caused constant fights between the wife and I. I stopped posting here completely because I didn't wan't to talk about it or read anything at all about other people and problems with their kids. Kind of like de-ja-vu all over again, last month he decides to go back to South Carloina to live with his Godfather just like he planned to last year. After he leaves my wife is deeply depressed and spends every single day in tears for a good week until it blows up into a terrible fight where I threaten to leave. She finally decides to take my advice and get on with HER life. I keep telling her it's for the best and he has a chance to start a new life and maybe with distance between us, he can finally learn to live on his own. My wife and I spend the time really working on healing and repairing our marriage. We focus inward and work on bringing the romance back. I even quit smoking and drinking and took up jogging to try and get the extra 30 pounds of and be a hot hunky husband! For about three weeks things in our marriage were better than they have been in years. As is typically with druggie losers, things are often too good to be true. Last week he calls his mother and tells her that he is coming back. I am not happy to say the least. There is really nothing here for him. His ex has moved on and even his little 20 year old play thing went to 90 day rehab and now has a new boyfriend closer to her own age. Saturday night he rolls into town and I overhear my wife on the phone with him. I am furious when I hear her telling him that we are going to be away on vacation next week. Great, just what I want, a junkie to know that my house is going to be empty. He stole from us as a teen, even stole his mothers car and totalled it. Of course a fight ensues and it was just like bad old times all over again. He's like a dark cloud over my marriage. After the fight I spent the day by myself yesterday doing some soul searching. I whole heartedly believe that I have reached the end of my rope and hit my rock bottom. I am at the point where I am ready to detach-completely. I'm not talking about mere mental and emotional detachment, no, I am talking the whole nine yards of detachment-no contact. I have decided that as of today I no longer wish to not only have any relationship with my son, but I want him completely out of my life. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him, I will not be helping him in any way, and frankly I don't even want to know what he is up to. He will soon be 32 years old, and I am too old and too tired to deal with a grown man who still wants to behave like he is 15. I'm sorry, but if he wasn't my son I would label him as a loser and want nohing to do with him, and as more time goes by, and more BS, the fact that he is my son matters less and less to me. He has been a liar and a manipulator since the age of 15- going on 17 years of this garbage now. I am done. When he ends up dead in an alley somewhere or in prison I don't even want to know about it. He was out of state for a little over a month, and in a few short weeks I got a taste of what a good happy marriage and life is like, and now that he is back, the drama returns right away. I won't go back, I refuse to go back. Today is the line in the sand, and it won't be crossed. I have tried to emotionally detach, but since my wife insists on being a codependent enabler, I get dragged back in through her every time. That ends today as well. If my wife refuses to get on board with detachment, I am going to leave her. My son is going to be out of my life one way or the other. If my wife refuses to get on board, well, I will be starting my life over on my own free of his drama. Addiction is a really sad thing. It is very sad all the damage that addicts leave in their wake. I would have never thought in a million years that the behavior of my child, my adult child, could eventually ruin my marriage to a woman I have been with for literally my entire adult life. But I have reached my wits end and I am so angry and tired that I am willing to walk away from the woman I love rather than spend another day on the crazy hamster wheel of living with an addicted family member.