Onset of GFGness

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Jun 24, 2011.


How old was your difficult child when the had their first extreme moment?

  1. Birth - age 5

    25 vote(s)
  2. Age 6-9

    2 vote(s)
  3. Age 10-12

    6 vote(s)
  4. Age 13-14

    3 vote(s)
  5. Age 15+

    0 vote(s)
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Just curious, at what age did your child have their first extreme difficult child issue (defined as so far beyond normal that you knew - without a doubt - something was very wrong).

    You can select more than 1 answer if you have more than one difficult child.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Even though I dont exactly call my oldest a difficult child he was dxd as learning disabled in K and we now suspect he has always been aspie.

    Jamie and Cory were darn near adorable and perfect babies but when they hit 15 months, we knew...oh boy we knew...lol.
  3. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    it was pretty obvious when my difficult child came to us around his 2nd birthday that he was a disturbed little boy. the only warning we got that something wasn't right was a quick "Good luck with him, you'll need it." on the way out the door from the social worker who dropped him off.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    The head nurse at the hospital where Duckie was born, as she handed Duckie over to me before we left for home: "Remember, dear, some babies are more difficult than others."
  5. cmfout

    cmfout Guest

    With son #2, we knew right away. He couldn't handle being touched by much of anything, he would scream for hours with no stopping him no matter what I did. As he grew, it only got worse. By 14, he was violent, self harming, and completely out of control. He had been locked up in juvie more than a dozen times by his 14th birthday.
    With son #3, there was no clue anything was going on until he hit puberty around 12ish. He was in my alcoholic brother's custody then, and went from being a real sweetheart to sneaking out at night, doing drugs, stealing, and having a very explosive temper. My brother sent him home to me, finally, just over a year ago. He was great when he first came home but after a few months he became worse than ever! Things are finally settled now and we've learned to communicate - but he's still hard to manage sometimes (often!), and I can't talk with him the way I would with his oldest brother.
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    At the age of 3 weeks, difficult child had to be held constantly or she would scream. I don't mean cry and fuss - I mean scream until she was hoarse and then scream some more. Putting her in one of those tummy pouch things (or whatever they're called) wasn't enough; my arms had to be around her. She would fall asleep on my shoulder, I would try to put her down and she would wake up. About every 3rd day she did nothing but sleep, waking only long enough to eat, because she was so exhausted. It wasn't colic or anything like that - it was absolutely anxiety and I knew that then. As long as I was holding her - or if in the car, as long as it was moving (hated red lights with a passion) - she was fine.
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I think it would be fascinating to do 2 more polls - at what age did you first seek help, and then at what age did professionals start really hearing you? With us, there was a 3-year lag - sought help at age 3, and they finally started to listen to us at age 6.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Good idea, slsh, and on the poll about when profs really listened and helped, maybe a line could be included for "not happened yet".

    I don't think my son was a difficult child before 11yo, however, in the incidences of "typical misbehavior" at school before that, if the teachers and principal had handled things more appropriately I really think it would have decreased the difficult child'ness that came out and then, once it did come out and we had knowledge of a probable cause, they could have handled that better, too, instead of standing there telling difficult child in front of his peers in a class full of 5th graders that he would end up in juvie.
  9. seriously

    seriously New Member

    When difficult child 2 was a newborn, maybe 4 days old, a mother of 6 came to give me a break with the twins. After she had been there 20 minutes she told me "there is something wrong with him. Babies don't scream like this non-stop." For the first 2 months he would only sleep if he was in skin to skin contact with one of us - as in falling asleep laying on my chest with most of him in skin-to-skin contact with me.

    I do not even want to talk about how long it took for us to get a professional to listen to us and really help. I first took my difficult child to a social worker who specialized in treating children when my twins were about 2 1/2. We didn't get any real help with difficult child 2 until he was 10. At 7 he was kicking holes in doors and trying to throw himself out 2nd floor windows. Use 123 Magic was what we were told by the psychiatrist...
  10. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I became the difficult children Mom right before their 4th & 6th B-day. I'm not sure with Ant when he issues started or if they were a result of 6 years of having no boundaries.

    With Ant, by the time he was 7 I knew something was wrong. It took until he was 10 before I could get husband or mother in law (who still had legal custody so she had to be involved) to believe me so that we could start seeking help.

    With Steph, she seemed fine, until at age 7 she came to me telling me about the voices that she was hearing that were telling her she needed to hurt herself. And thanks to the wonderful support I had been getting from here, I was able to not freak out. At least on the outside.

    Steph I know has a mental health issue. With Ant, I will always wonder if it is mental health or upbringing that causes his issue. To live until your 6th b-day without one single boundary has got to mess a kid up somehow. He could throw his dinner plate on the floor, dance across the dinner table and mother in law would say that he had a rough life so you couldn't be mean to him and discipline him for that. When he was still with his birth mom, she was so out of it, that he took care of his baby sister and he was only 2 1/2.
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I had to carry Miss KT around in one of those kangaroo pouches, too. My maternity leave was extended (complications from the C-section), thank goodness, because it seemed she never slept during the day. Everything with her was intense. But, she was my first baby, and I wondered why anyone would have more kids if they were all like this!
  12. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    With each of our children we were able to tell fairly early on.

    With difficult child, while it was clear that he had issues from early childhood, he didn't have his first major episode until Gr.5.
    Little easy child made himself known within a few hours after his birth, when he managed to toss his hospital hat over the side of his bassinet onto the floor. His sensory issues -- and fierce independence -- were obvious right away.
    With the Monster Tot twins, their issues showed within the first few weeks. Again, mainly difficulties with transitions, long crying jags and obvious sensory issues. As they've gotten older they are both showing more and more signs of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    I think that because of our experiences with difficult child, we've had a better idea of what we were seeing with the younger ones. That has allowed us to put interventions in place that seem (so far) to have headed off major behavioural episodes. Of course the teen years are still ahead of us with the youngest 3 so time will tell.

  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sonic was like that as a baby. He had drugs in his system.

    My 26 year old who took drugs, was 12 when she smoked her first joint.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    We knew there were issues, starting in Kindergarten... BUT there were no MAJOR issues, no extremes - just a million little things - and of course, no support from medical or school systems. Until, after years of slowly sinking, he "blew up" at school - and THEN... (we're still just stupid parents, but just maybe our kid does have problems that need intervention)
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    With difficult child we knew really early. When we brought him home he would only sleep a bit at a time. During the day never more than 10 minutes at a time. He would wake up 2-4 times each night. We started seeking help from him when he was 3 or 4. His pediatrician recommended that we take him to a psychiatrist at age 3. The doctors believed us right away-not sure what that says!

    easy child/difficult child was mostly a easy child until she turned 11 (6th grade). However, she was always SUPER stubborn from the very beginning.