Oops, she did it again~

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Jun 11, 2008.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    difficult child is sabotaging her realtionship with Monkeyboy, which in and of itself, I really don't mind - I'm not his biggest fan, after all, in case you hadn't figured that out yet, lol.

    She lied to MB so she could hang out with this other guy last night. Apparently, she told him she was out at the movies with me, except she never told me I was her 'cover'.

    Monkeyboy IM'd me on the computer and asked who I was and when I said I was "difficult child's mom" I could almost hear the "Gasp!"...I asked him, "who else would it be?" and he said, "difficult child told me she was at the movies with you"...Me: "Um, no, I'm sitting here Im-ing with YOU, silly!"

    So, why did difficult child lie to monkeyboy to hang out with another guy?? And of course, this other guy is just as big a loser as MB. After all, why should he be any different? And she knows we don't like him. He looks like a weasel.

    Anyway, within 30 minutes, there is a [loud] knocking at our side door. It's Monkeyboy!!! OMG. I sat on the patio with him and tried to have a coherent conversation...all the time never telling him that I know who she is with (the very guy he suspects her of being with). I was mostly hanging out with him so I was there when she came home I wanted to see how he reacted. Which she finally did, another 45 minutes later. Apparently, the turd she was with dropped her off down the street. About five minutes before she crept onto the patio, already crying knowing she was in deep doo-doo (with both of us), some one drove by and yelled out Monkeyboy's name! Anyway, after difficult child came up, I went inside while they hacked it out and cried. I did ask if they would be okay alone together and pointedly told MB that I would not tolerate foul language or violence to which he replied, smooth as silk, "You would never have to worry about such a thing from me. I would never be violent with difficult child!". Ok. At one point I had went back out with the pups (difficult child ran inside for something) and he put out his hand in a very dramatic manner and said, "It's been nice knowing you" <eye roll> and I said, "Stop being such a drama queen" and walked away. It's hard to have sympathy for a guy who's dating my daughter and is unemployed, has no car, is under suspicion of physically and emotionally harming my daughter, and sends her home stoned.

    But, MB aside, what is up with difficult child?? Why does she do this to herself? Why does she lie like this? It's like a **** all the time with her. Seems when things get boring for her...she has to create the drama. She was stooped over crying in the kitchen to me asking me why she does this to herself. I sent her back outside to talk to MB, told her maybe they should take a break so she can think things through. I honestly do not even know what to say to her that I haven't already said 8 million times. I mean, how many times does she ask and I tell before it sinks in? And I'm tired of caring, I know that sounds mean, but really.
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It's easier to get caught than just say bye-bye, especially for young women. Breaking up is no fun. This way, they can both be victims.

    So, we go from MonkeyBoy to WeaselFreak? I don't envy you.

    I know about dating the slackers. My daughter's good at finding them. Her newest boyfriend isn't a slacker. He actually works his tail off but wants to be a producer and the band he's managing truly stinks. They make a junior high garage band sound good. At least he tries and after her last boyfriend, I'm eternally greatful she's dating someone actually human. So, hang in there -- she might find a good guy yet.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ahhhh I've been there, done taht with Youngest especially. I really think it's some self-esteem thing ... having another guy like them makes them feel more attractive. Youngest has settled down somewhat with this, but I still see her sabotage herself because of her continuing contact with the baby's loser father (and not just re talking about the baby, either).

    Hugs. I must say, I love the "stop being such a drama queen" response. I'll have to remember that one ;-)
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Harry dates women with problems, big problems. Katie was bulemic and had a drinking problem. He tried to help her in every way possible, but she dumped him for another guy after eight months. Then there was Melinda, who lost her job but maintained her lifestyle through credit card debt. After bailing her out multiple times financially, thinking they were in a committed relationship, he was stunned to see her at a bar one night hanging all over some other guy. That night, the text messages and phone calls flew furiously for hours, many of them abusive exchanges that did a great deal of damage.

    Harry’s friends and family tell him to get away from the “crazy women” he dates, but he feels compelled to continue in the same pattern. He feels bored with stable women. He’s magnetically attracted to the most chaotic woman in the room, who usually happens to be the most physically attractive. Choosing beauty without taking time to assess character has cost him tens of thousands of dollars and untold heartache. Harry is addicted to drama.

    What about you? Are you drawn to chaotic, unstable people? Do you sacrifice your values on the altar of chemistry? Do you feel compelled to help people who aren’t taking responsibility for the problems in their lives? Do you create unnecessary drama in your life by choosing chaotic people or by creating chaos yourself?

    If the following checklist looks familiar to you, you may be a drama junkie. In essence, it means that you are drawn to people and situations that get your adrenaline flowing both in the positive and the negative. The positive highs in relationships are primarily associated with the earliest enchantment phase of love, so those feelings are not sustainable at a high level over time. Once the initial enchantment period fades, the drama junkie has to find other ways to get his or her “fix.” The following are examples, behavior patterns, that indicate you or someone you love may have this issue:

    Inability to handle stress without acting out (i.e., drinking, calling ten friends to complain about what happened, overeating, binging/purging, etc.)

    Rapid, knee-jerk reactions when other people say or do things you don’t like; i.e., he says he’ll be there by 7:00 and shows up at 8:00; by then, you’ve left the house and gone drinking with your friends OR the minute he gets in the door you go into a tirade.

    Feeling compelled to escalate in relationships when you feel wounded in some way; i.e., she says it’s girls night but stays out until 2:00 a.m. and comes home drunk; you immediately toss her out on the front lawn.

    Compulsive behavior when under stress in a relationship; i.e., she won’t answer her phone, so you text message her with angry words for the next two hours, trying to provoke a response
    Automatic negative assumptions about other people’s motives without checking them out; i.e., he cancels a date because of work overload and you assume he doesn’t care or isn’t invested in the relationship; you escalate the situation by going out and flirting with other guys at a bar or, better yet, kissing his best friend.

    Feeling consumed with other people’s drama; talking endlessly about other people’s dramas; reacting to other people’s dramas; at the end of the day, little was accomplished in your life plan because all the focus was on your toxic relationship(s).

    If you’re dating someone who fits any of the above profile, you too, may be a drama junkie. People who really want serenity in their lives and relationships are so turned off by this behavior that when it appears, they quickly move on. If you feel hooked and stay connected to a chaotic person for more than a couple of weeks, then you have the same issue.

    What can you do about this? First, take a giant step back and look at your life. Get real about what you want and where you are currently headed. Be willing to sacrifice some excitement in favor of stability. Put your focus on what you want to accomplish in your life: create a vision, have goals, have a plan. People who are focused on making a real contribution in the world, whether it’s through a professional vocation (i.e., doctor, nurse, attorney, etc.), a career (helping a business grow), or creating something meaningful (i.e., write a book, paint a picture, act in a play, perform or create music, etc.), have little time or energy for the cycle of drama.

    Hope this helps -
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Here is my hope:

    That she has ticked off MB enough that he wants nothing to do with her; AND that she feels bad enough about it to not pursue anything with weasel-face. At THAT point, I hope that you can get through to her.

  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    BBK, That is my hope as well. I was able to talk to her a bit this morning and tell her what my observations have been since last fall (the duration of her time with mb) in a very non-threatening way...she was listening, not sure if she heard me correctly. In her head she may have heard something like "I think you should dump Monkeyboy and go out with Weaselface"...of course, that is no where nears what I said in actuality! Hahah.

    Star, I printed it out. I'm going to give it to her to read. I am taking the 'blunt' route these days...no sense in *****-footing aroung anymore, nothing to lose.

    MB, I agree.

    CIV, he is the ultimate Drama King and she is his Queen.

    Thanks everyone.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds to me like she's ready to split with MB, but is afraid to be "alone" so has picked up with weasle, whom she may or may not like. If it makes you feel a bit better, in this situation weasle will be the rebound guy so wouldn't last long.

    Or it could be possible this was an effort to make MB jealous, thereby showing her he really does care.

    Hard to tell.