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Opinions needed over this stupid trivial issue
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 465075" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I agree that there is a lot going on. I think if you look at past posts over several years you would see this happens with surprising regularity and while he may work his way out of it for a while, it always seems to pop up that he expects you to cater to him as though he was your responsibility instead of his own responsibility. Not all men are like this. </p><p></p><p>in my opinion there is more going on that him being a baby or p-a or territorial. I think, deep down where he probably doesn't admit it to himself, that he is afraid you will get your education, get a better job and leave. So if you are still doing things to take care of him (like he was a toddler) then he thinks you still care. It is not healthy thinking, and maybe is something that you can talk through and get an end to the behavior.</p><p></p><p>Quite a few women I know have gone through this. My own father did this when my mother went back to school. She was not NEARLY as nice to him as you are. She flat out said, "you are an adult. Act like one and not a child. Our children don't pull that and I won't tolerate it from you either. I married you for life, till death do us part. I can make that happen earlier if you want." and leaving the room. She was not totally bluffing and did not say it until it had gotten to the point that it was ridiculous. Like me, she NEVER said the word divorce to her husband as a threat. If it came out, she meant that you will either change this NOW and NEVER do it again, or that is it and the kids and I are gone. </p><p></p><p>I honestly think that your H thinks that school is going to take you away from him and he is jealous of it as though it is some man you are having an affair with. NOt so much that the actual classes are going to take you away, though he resents the time that you spend on classes instead of on catering to him, but that you will use school to distance yourself from him and then will divorce him when you get a job making more money. I know a lot of couples where this has actually happened, and maybe it is what others are telling H is what you will do. </p><p></p><p>I do think the issues with his father's death, you not wanting his mommy to move in, and your knee surgery and the pain/stress from constant pain are a part of why this is bothering you both know.</p><p></p><p>I don't understand why it is a problem for easy child to buy some things just for herself. husband and I each have some things that are ours, that we don't share. Not a lot, but we each have a couple of favorites that we don't want to share. For me it is Ben and Jerry's, for husband I get a really expensive baked potato soup that comes frozen and you add milk to it. Yes, our kids love it, but they do just fine with-o and it helps remind them that we are people too, not just parents who's job is to do/be there for kids all the time. If my kids spend money they earned on food, they can put their name on it. Then if it gets eaten by someone else, regardless of how expensive it is, it gets replaced. I guess I see food like a sweater. It is okay to have some that is yours. I pay for the closet but all clothes in the house are not mine to take. I pay for the fridge but they can put food that they like in there just for them and it is to be left alone. Period. Maybe we just are not as territorial?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 465075, member: 1233"] I agree that there is a lot going on. I think if you look at past posts over several years you would see this happens with surprising regularity and while he may work his way out of it for a while, it always seems to pop up that he expects you to cater to him as though he was your responsibility instead of his own responsibility. Not all men are like this. in my opinion there is more going on that him being a baby or p-a or territorial. I think, deep down where he probably doesn't admit it to himself, that he is afraid you will get your education, get a better job and leave. So if you are still doing things to take care of him (like he was a toddler) then he thinks you still care. It is not healthy thinking, and maybe is something that you can talk through and get an end to the behavior. Quite a few women I know have gone through this. My own father did this when my mother went back to school. She was not NEARLY as nice to him as you are. She flat out said, "you are an adult. Act like one and not a child. Our children don't pull that and I won't tolerate it from you either. I married you for life, till death do us part. I can make that happen earlier if you want." and leaving the room. She was not totally bluffing and did not say it until it had gotten to the point that it was ridiculous. Like me, she NEVER said the word divorce to her husband as a threat. If it came out, she meant that you will either change this NOW and NEVER do it again, or that is it and the kids and I are gone. I honestly think that your H thinks that school is going to take you away from him and he is jealous of it as though it is some man you are having an affair with. NOt so much that the actual classes are going to take you away, though he resents the time that you spend on classes instead of on catering to him, but that you will use school to distance yourself from him and then will divorce him when you get a job making more money. I know a lot of couples where this has actually happened, and maybe it is what others are telling H is what you will do. I do think the issues with his father's death, you not wanting his mommy to move in, and your knee surgery and the pain/stress from constant pain are a part of why this is bothering you both know. I don't understand why it is a problem for easy child to buy some things just for herself. husband and I each have some things that are ours, that we don't share. Not a lot, but we each have a couple of favorites that we don't want to share. For me it is Ben and Jerry's, for husband I get a really expensive baked potato soup that comes frozen and you add milk to it. Yes, our kids love it, but they do just fine with-o and it helps remind them that we are people too, not just parents who's job is to do/be there for kids all the time. If my kids spend money they earned on food, they can put their name on it. Then if it gets eaten by someone else, regardless of how expensive it is, it gets replaced. I guess I see food like a sweater. It is okay to have some that is yours. I pay for the closet but all clothes in the house are not mine to take. I pay for the fridge but they can put food that they like in there just for them and it is to be left alone. Period. Maybe we just are not as territorial? [/QUOTE]
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