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Oprah today/tough love/misc thoughts
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 254222" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi,</p><p>I don't get a chance to watch Oprah more than once a yr or so, but I occasionally read the magazine. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>Sounds like a very distressing situation.</p><p> </p><p>Two points: from what you said, it sounds like the angle that Oprah took was to have distressed parents on the show whose daughters have been abused and taken advantage of (or in the case of the audience member, killed). Did she recommend counseling at any point?</p><p> </p><p>I'm not sure where the control issue with-the First Family came in--I'm capitalizing it because I'm thinking you were referring to the US Presidential First Family? Or did you mean the family in the audience? (Sorry if I'm a dolt.)</p><p> </p><p>So what struck a cord with-you was the pain of the parents, and how difficult it was to be judged by others, and how Oprah could have couched her words more carefully. In addition, you were concerned about Families Anonymous not being too judgmental, and were reassured that they were not the ridiculing type and were very friendly. (by the way, I've got my fingers crossed about your husband! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> )</p><p> </p><p>What I see in common with-those situations, on the board, is that all of these things are moderated, and all of these things involve participants who are in some sort of emotional pain and who have children with-issues.</p><p> </p><p>In the case of Oprah, she is the moderator and the problem there is that first and foremost, she is a celebrity, and you've got to keep your eye on your audience. No matter how compassionate she appears, (and she is a compassionate person) there's always that eye toward the networks and the ratings. What attracts an audience more, other people's problems and whether you identify with-them, or other people's problems and whether they are so totally off-the-wall they could be aliens (more Jerry Springer style, in my humble opinion) or whether someone can solve other people's problems on the air?</p><p> </p><p>It makes sense that you would pick up on her misstep, Nomad, because being the parent of a difficult child, and being on boards and a member of a support group, you are well aware of how agonizing it is to walk this path. In fact, in a sense, you (and all of us), are trained in some degree as moderators, by virtue of our first-hand experience.</p><p>But we are also suffering, on the other hand, as participants. So you can see it from both sides.</p><p> </p><p>When I think back on all the stupid things I've said in the past, where someone has told me something and I've jumped in with-a one-upsmanship story, I want to shoot myself. When I talk to people now who do that, I try not to react negatively, but to educate them. I want to think I've learned over the yrs, and that maybe I can help others learn, too. (Then again, I have a sarcastic streak. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> )</p><p> </p><p>By the same token, we all blurt out things when we are alarmed, we all have our own filters and POVs, so if we hurt someone, I can only assume it's unintentional and it will be cleared up in a following post. I've seen it happen time and again, usually with-no long term damage.</p><p> </p><p>It's pretty amazing, really, that so many of us can post coherently, much less compassionately, when we're working and parenting on a lack of sleep, often with-o spousal support, and often with-o family support, or worse, with-extended family members who seem to thrive on being know-it-alls and don't have a clue. When I get to the point where I'm so run down, I'm either going to bite someone's head off, or burst into tears, or most typically, just stare at the screen, I take a day or two off from the board and come back with-a fresh eye. (And more M&Ms.)</p><p> </p><p>So, to tie it all together, I think you noticed a commonality and wanted to use it as a jumping off point and reminder.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 254222, member: 3419"] Hi, I don't get a chance to watch Oprah more than once a yr or so, but I occasionally read the magazine. :) Sounds like a very distressing situation. Two points: from what you said, it sounds like the angle that Oprah took was to have distressed parents on the show whose daughters have been abused and taken advantage of (or in the case of the audience member, killed). Did she recommend counseling at any point? I'm not sure where the control issue with-the First Family came in--I'm capitalizing it because I'm thinking you were referring to the US Presidential First Family? Or did you mean the family in the audience? (Sorry if I'm a dolt.) So what struck a cord with-you was the pain of the parents, and how difficult it was to be judged by others, and how Oprah could have couched her words more carefully. In addition, you were concerned about Families Anonymous not being too judgmental, and were reassured that they were not the ridiculing type and were very friendly. (by the way, I've got my fingers crossed about your husband! :) ) What I see in common with-those situations, on the board, is that all of these things are moderated, and all of these things involve participants who are in some sort of emotional pain and who have children with-issues. In the case of Oprah, she is the moderator and the problem there is that first and foremost, she is a celebrity, and you've got to keep your eye on your audience. No matter how compassionate she appears, (and she is a compassionate person) there's always that eye toward the networks and the ratings. What attracts an audience more, other people's problems and whether you identify with-them, or other people's problems and whether they are so totally off-the-wall they could be aliens (more Jerry Springer style, in my humble opinion) or whether someone can solve other people's problems on the air? It makes sense that you would pick up on her misstep, Nomad, because being the parent of a difficult child, and being on boards and a member of a support group, you are well aware of how agonizing it is to walk this path. In fact, in a sense, you (and all of us), are trained in some degree as moderators, by virtue of our first-hand experience. But we are also suffering, on the other hand, as participants. So you can see it from both sides. When I think back on all the stupid things I've said in the past, where someone has told me something and I've jumped in with-a one-upsmanship story, I want to shoot myself. When I talk to people now who do that, I try not to react negatively, but to educate them. I want to think I've learned over the yrs, and that maybe I can help others learn, too. (Then again, I have a sarcastic streak. :) ) By the same token, we all blurt out things when we are alarmed, we all have our own filters and POVs, so if we hurt someone, I can only assume it's unintentional and it will be cleared up in a following post. I've seen it happen time and again, usually with-no long term damage. It's pretty amazing, really, that so many of us can post coherently, much less compassionately, when we're working and parenting on a lack of sleep, often with-o spousal support, and often with-o family support, or worse, with-extended family members who seem to thrive on being know-it-alls and don't have a clue. When I get to the point where I'm so run down, I'm either going to bite someone's head off, or burst into tears, or most typically, just stare at the screen, I take a day or two off from the board and come back with-a fresh eye. (And more M&Ms.) So, to tie it all together, I think you noticed a commonality and wanted to use it as a jumping off point and reminder. [/QUOTE]
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