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Ornery difficult child 1
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 241468" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>Thanks, everyone!</p><p> </p><p>DF, I did apologize, and I do believe part of his anger was being driven by a feeling of "abandonment", but the disrespect and demanding attitude really pushed my buttons. It's a good thing I wasn't PMSing or I probably would have left him there to walk home (klmno, I'm sure you can relate!) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /></p><p> </p><p>JJJ -- there probably was a degree of panic mixed in with that whole "abandonment" thing, too. He's got all the early makings for panic disorder, and it runs in the family. And his natural reaction to things like this is anger. Thankfully, he didn't hold onto it for too long tonight.</p><p> </p><p>He finally settled down and we did have a chat. He expressed how frustrated and angry he felt. I said that it was fine to have those feelings, but it was NOT o.k. to say what he did to me. Ever. I told him he was not in trouble for his feelings. He was in trouble for what he said. Then we talked more about better ways to handle these feelings in the future, and the dangers of letting those feelings take over, especially when he was there in his room with his toy guns. At one point he had come out and was pointing the laser sights on me and I let him know under no uncertain terms that it was never ever, ever o.k. to point a weapon at me, even a toy one (he's done this half seriously with kitchen knives before, but drops it the second I raise my voice or confront him). During our "chat" I explained how it was not safe for him to let his mind even go down that path with the toy guns and what it seemed like he was thinking. I said that if he lets his mind get in the habit of reacting that way to anger and frustration, then when he's older, and actually has the ability to access guns, it could get him into very serious and regrettable situations. I could see he was slowly getting it. And he apologized for what he said, and acknowledged that it was really a stupid thing to say.</p><p> </p><p>So, in all, things ended o.k. He got his homework finished. He accepted not being able to play computer or video games. We all watched House together (except for husband who went to bed, exhausted from the stress of the layoffs today), and he actually went to bed without much nagging (or, at least I should say he got ready for bed without nagging -- he's still up reading).</p><p> </p><p>This past weekend I pointed out to him that in about one year's time, he'll be eligible to get his driver's permit. And in the same breath, I said that he'd better show us a LOT more maturity and responsibility in the coming year if he expects to be granted that privilege of getting his permit. That's a HUGE carrot for him, and one I'm going to play to the hilt this next year to try to motivate him towards making better choices in his life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 241468, member: 3444"] Thanks, everyone! DF, I did apologize, and I do believe part of his anger was being driven by a feeling of "abandonment", but the disrespect and demanding attitude really pushed my buttons. It's a good thing I wasn't PMSing or I probably would have left him there to walk home (klmno, I'm sure you can relate!) :P JJJ -- there probably was a degree of panic mixed in with that whole "abandonment" thing, too. He's got all the early makings for panic disorder, and it runs in the family. And his natural reaction to things like this is anger. Thankfully, he didn't hold onto it for too long tonight. He finally settled down and we did have a chat. He expressed how frustrated and angry he felt. I said that it was fine to have those feelings, but it was NOT o.k. to say what he did to me. Ever. I told him he was not in trouble for his feelings. He was in trouble for what he said. Then we talked more about better ways to handle these feelings in the future, and the dangers of letting those feelings take over, especially when he was there in his room with his toy guns. At one point he had come out and was pointing the laser sights on me and I let him know under no uncertain terms that it was never ever, ever o.k. to point a weapon at me, even a toy one (he's done this half seriously with kitchen knives before, but drops it the second I raise my voice or confront him). During our "chat" I explained how it was not safe for him to let his mind even go down that path with the toy guns and what it seemed like he was thinking. I said that if he lets his mind get in the habit of reacting that way to anger and frustration, then when he's older, and actually has the ability to access guns, it could get him into very serious and regrettable situations. I could see he was slowly getting it. And he apologized for what he said, and acknowledged that it was really a stupid thing to say. So, in all, things ended o.k. He got his homework finished. He accepted not being able to play computer or video games. We all watched House together (except for husband who went to bed, exhausted from the stress of the layoffs today), and he actually went to bed without much nagging (or, at least I should say he got ready for bed without nagging -- he's still up reading). This past weekend I pointed out to him that in about one year's time, he'll be eligible to get his driver's permit. And in the same breath, I said that he'd better show us a LOT more maturity and responsibility in the coming year if he expects to be granted that privilege of getting his permit. That's a HUGE carrot for him, and one I'm going to play to the hilt this next year to try to motivate him towards making better choices in his life. [/QUOTE]
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