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PamelaJ
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 26761" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Very interesting Nancy. And powerful.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child is adopted and we have an open adoption. He sees his bmom and grandmother at Christmastime, although the agreement was to see them more often. The contact just faded away. When we knew we were going to be in their area, we tried on several occasions to plan get-togethers and it was like pulling teeth, so eventually we gave up and just stuck to the holidays.</p><p>He can pick up the phone whenever he wants, but never does. When angry with-me, he'll sometimes yell he's going to go live with-his bmom. I'll hand him the phone but then he walks away. In his case, I think it's more that he's trying to push my buttons than really live with-her. Nearly every adopted child verbalizes their bmom fantasies, but as he grows, he's made comments about her weight, and unavailability (she works long hrs and also, goes out with-her friends a lot, leaving her mom to care for her other son) and how during one birthday party, she spent the entire time on her cell phone, so he's not blind to the circumstances.</p><p></p><p>Much of his ODD is aimed at me... I don't know if that's the mom thing in general or more focused because of the bmom issue. We may never know. We just have to teach him that I am the boss, in addition to which, I am not, (nor is his bmother) responsible for his happiness. We can only give him the tools to create his own happiness and help him work it out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 26761, member: 3419"] Very interesting Nancy. And powerful. Our difficult child is adopted and we have an open adoption. He sees his bmom and grandmother at Christmastime, although the agreement was to see them more often. The contact just faded away. When we knew we were going to be in their area, we tried on several occasions to plan get-togethers and it was like pulling teeth, so eventually we gave up and just stuck to the holidays. He can pick up the phone whenever he wants, but never does. When angry with-me, he'll sometimes yell he's going to go live with-his bmom. I'll hand him the phone but then he walks away. In his case, I think it's more that he's trying to push my buttons than really live with-her. Nearly every adopted child verbalizes their bmom fantasies, but as he grows, he's made comments about her weight, and unavailability (she works long hrs and also, goes out with-her friends a lot, leaving her mom to care for her other son) and how during one birthday party, she spent the entire time on her cell phone, so he's not blind to the circumstances. Much of his ODD is aimed at me... I don't know if that's the mom thing in general or more focused because of the bmom issue. We may never know. We just have to teach him that I am the boss, in addition to which, I am not, (nor is his bmother) responsible for his happiness. We can only give him the tools to create his own happiness and help him work it out. [/QUOTE]
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