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Parent in Michigan--Desparate Need for Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 224312" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Honestly, I don't know how you are still standing. Many hugs for working so hard to keep him in the family. </p><p></p><p>From my point of view, your thinking is a bit confused. Your concern about his dose of reality is too late. Your priority is to keep your children and you safe and for him to stay out of the house. </p><p>The parents of the girlfriend, should take him in. What meddlesome people. You would think they would have called you before unleashing him into the world. I must say when you described his behavior I thought steroids. As long as he is away from you and you are safe don't worry about urine or fostering.</p><p></p><p>You have for this brief window a chance to stop walking on eggshells and look to your other children for a week or two of peace. Put him out of your mind and don't let him ruin their holiday even when he isn't there. He seems quite capable and isn't going hungry. Close the door on that for now and focus on the positive of this time with the kids. They deserve your attention and your mothering. Focus on resting yourself and finding things to be grateful for. </p><p></p><p>You will be dealing with difficult child soon enough. Enjoy this time. In the meantime, you need to develop a safety plan for yourself and your children. I am so glad you called police. I would have 911 on speed dial on the cell and keep it with you at all times. The kids need to know what to do and where to go if difficult child comes and is violent. He <strong>will</strong> appear and he <strong>will</strong> be violent again so having a plan will help you be prepared. There is a thread in archives on safety planning. Believe me you aren't the first to walk this ugly, ugly path. </p><p></p><p>At some point the dream of what you thought your son would do or be is gone. His consequences will have to be his. It's ok to be sad and to grieve but don't think your life and the lives of your other kids have to go down the tubes due to him. </p><p></p><p>Get counseling for yourself and your children. Don't take time off from work. Don't respond to his calls. Just heal and recharge. Soon you can research what Michigan will need from you as your son is punished. Don't drop charges. Ask for drug testing and rehab if necessary. </p><p>Of course getting real legal advice from an attorney who knows the system is a must. You have to know what affects you and your other kids. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs but be joyful that the kids and you are safe and can have time to not live in fear. Your broken heart has to be put to the side until you must deal with it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 224312, member: 3"] Honestly, I don't know how you are still standing. Many hugs for working so hard to keep him in the family. From my point of view, your thinking is a bit confused. Your concern about his dose of reality is too late. Your priority is to keep your children and you safe and for him to stay out of the house. The parents of the girlfriend, should take him in. What meddlesome people. You would think they would have called you before unleashing him into the world. I must say when you described his behavior I thought steroids. As long as he is away from you and you are safe don't worry about urine or fostering. You have for this brief window a chance to stop walking on eggshells and look to your other children for a week or two of peace. Put him out of your mind and don't let him ruin their holiday even when he isn't there. He seems quite capable and isn't going hungry. Close the door on that for now and focus on the positive of this time with the kids. They deserve your attention and your mothering. Focus on resting yourself and finding things to be grateful for. You will be dealing with difficult child soon enough. Enjoy this time. In the meantime, you need to develop a safety plan for yourself and your children. I am so glad you called police. I would have 911 on speed dial on the cell and keep it with you at all times. The kids need to know what to do and where to go if difficult child comes and is violent. He [B]will[/B] appear and he [B]will[/B] be violent again so having a plan will help you be prepared. There is a thread in archives on safety planning. Believe me you aren't the first to walk this ugly, ugly path. At some point the dream of what you thought your son would do or be is gone. His consequences will have to be his. It's ok to be sad and to grieve but don't think your life and the lives of your other kids have to go down the tubes due to him. Get counseling for yourself and your children. Don't take time off from work. Don't respond to his calls. Just heal and recharge. Soon you can research what Michigan will need from you as your son is punished. Don't drop charges. Ask for drug testing and rehab if necessary. Of course getting real legal advice from an attorney who knows the system is a must. You have to know what affects you and your other kids. Many hugs but be joyful that the kids and you are safe and can have time to not live in fear. Your broken heart has to be put to the side until you must deal with it. [/QUOTE]
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