Parenting Issue or Something Else Entirely???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by smallwonders, Jun 26, 2011.

  1. smallwonders

    smallwonders New Member

    Needs some help and advise. Been divorced since 2008 and have three children with the ex. Ages 8, 6 and 6. the oldest child was hospitalized at 4years old due to the ex's claims that he was having a manic episode. Since then, he has been diagnosted as PTSD, Oppositional, and the EX pushed for a ADHD at same time. Some physicians said no while another said yes. So the medications were given. Since then, he was hospitalized again and has been acting out ever since. His other sibs, esp the boy has been swearing and running off. They destroy public property, are failing school. Numerous teacher calls etc. from the school and they have relocated to be closer to the ex's family which now doesnt want anything to do with them due to their behavior. I wanted to get the super nanny involved and have attended parenting couseling for myself while with the kids. What I am witnessing and experiencing doesnt seem normal at all. The mom just says things are find and quite frankly seems as though she is medicated, which I guess cant blame her. The kids run down the street and in three different directions. The 6 year old called me a Fing Bch and when spoken to child's mom, she says she doesnt hear that at her house. I amat a loss to what I can do or who should I call. i am concerned cause you hear of these crazy stories and dont want my kids to be a statistic. thank you.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome. WE are less busy on the weekends so be patient please. First of all, it would really help us if you did a signature like I did below. That will refresh our memories each time you post. I have some questions that will help us help you.

    1/How were these kids in their early developmental years (infancy and up). Were they always this out of control? When did you notice any chances?

    2/Did any of the k ids have developmental delays such as speech or motor skills, EVEN if they have caught up. Which medications are they on and do you think the medications help, do nothing, or make things even worse?

    3/Have these kids been evaluated by a neuropsychologist? Who diagnosed them? Are there any psychiatric issues OR substance abuse on either side of your children's genetic family tree? IF so, they can be inherited.

    4/I am unclear on the family setting. You say you are divorced. Are you Mom or Dad? Are either one of you remarried? How often do the kids have to travel from one home to the other?

    5/Was there any abuse in their background? Any neglect in the early years?

    Thanks for answering and welcome to a soft place to land.
  3. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I am not in a situation similar to yours, but would it be possible to go to family therapy when you have the kids with you? A therapist might be able to untangle things a bit. If you are concerned about your EX's ability to parent your children, could a social worker get involved? Really, all depends the kind of relationship you have with her. Would she be open to a different custody arangement? I don't know what might be good to try, or if there is any possibility of brainstorming with her. Warm thoughts...
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    How involved are you with the children? Do you get to see them a couple times a month?

    Have you spoken with their schools? Do they have IEPs in place?

    How do you get along with your ex? Would she consider moving back by you? Or could you move near her? Are you in a position to be able to parent them 50% of the time?

    What happened to oldest that caused the PTSD?
  5. april1974

    april1974 New Member

    Welcome...everyone here is super supportive...are your 6 yr olds twins? Obviously something is going on...sometimes divorce can be really tramatic for kids, I'm not sure if super nanny is the answer especially if your children are on medications. Parent counselling for you can't hurt and might give you some ideas on how to deal with certain situations. What was your son hospitalized for? Sorry you are going through this(((hugs)))
  6. smallwonders

    smallwonders New Member

    The kids did go through a difficult divorce and seems like they are all acting out. I am father to another child since the divorce but my children with the ex has effected me in many ways. I am torn with wanting to help those kids and be more near them geographically. i am 3 hrs away. The six year olds are twins. My oldest was hospitalized for alleged sexual abuse and acting out behavior at age 4. Then again at 6, same allegations. It has not stopped for the past three years. I do not know what to do and am concerned because the kids are way out of control.
  7. smallwonders

    smallwonders New Member

    Ex and I do not have a good relationship. Two of the kids are already on an IEP. PTSD was due to the high conflect divorce and allegations of abuse. While divorcing lots of things were thrown around and did nothing but make things worse. I am in a situation where I can move closer to the kids but the girlfriend of my infant child would not move and doesnt want those kids with their behavior issues around the baby. I believe the kids are in need of my help.
  8. smallwonders

    smallwonders New Member

  9. smallwonders

    smallwonders New Member

    iep, yes. ptsd due to high conflict divorce. see the kids once or twice a month. there living conditions are a bit of a concern. just mattresses on floor, dirty, no cloths, just not normal just an observation. my gut tells me things are not as they would appear. i am just concerned for all.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You think of calling CPS? Mattresses on the floor? Is she into drugs?

    in my opinion, your girlfriend is with you...your children are a part of you. She can't possibly expect you to desert them, can she?

    The boy with the speech delay who poops in his pants may be on the autism spectrum. At any rate, in my opinion both boys sound like it's more than ADHD. 40 mgs. is a lot of Adderrall too. Are you ever involved with school or their therapy?