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<blockquote data-quote="houseofcards" data-source="post: 9990" data-attributes="member: 1871"><p>Allen, I would like to get to what you are describing but my question would be how do I get a child involved in the solution when he doesn't believe there is one. In other words, when my son loses his self control he doesn't believe there is anything except waiting it out that works. I have tried to talk softly and supportivly encouraging him to do his deep breathing or practice kind "self talk" but he will just screams it doesn't work and starts in on how he hates everyone and nobody loves him. The more I reassure at that time the more things increase in volume and nastiness. He can go on and on with terrible negative self talk which he seems to believe at the time. Twenty minutes later it is another story, I can reach him and we do talk about a better way to handle it, I tell him that his mind is trying to trick him at those times and he shouldn't let himself be tricked, I ask him what would you say to a friend that is going through the same thing and he can come up with much kinder thoughts, I start to think I have helped him see a better way and then the whole process repeats the next time he is a little frustrated.</p><p> As far as raising kids that care about their place in the world, he is a generous, thoughtful kid. A teacher told me the story of a time when he was tossing all the books out of his desk in frustration and he accidentally knocked a book off another students desk. He immediately stopped his fit and picked up her book, placed it back on her desk, apologized and then continued on with his outburst. Another time he was just being a little boy and batted at an object hung in the school hallway, it fell down. He said he wasn't trying to do that and dug in his pocket and gave the teacher a dime to make up for it. ( We both thought it was very sweet but we also had to wonder where he took the dime from LOL) There are just times when he really doesn't seem to be able to regulate his emotions and I haven't been successful at finding a way to help him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="houseofcards, post: 9990, member: 1871"] Allen, I would like to get to what you are describing but my question would be how do I get a child involved in the solution when he doesn't believe there is one. In other words, when my son loses his self control he doesn't believe there is anything except waiting it out that works. I have tried to talk softly and supportivly encouraging him to do his deep breathing or practice kind "self talk" but he will just screams it doesn't work and starts in on how he hates everyone and nobody loves him. The more I reassure at that time the more things increase in volume and nastiness. He can go on and on with terrible negative self talk which he seems to believe at the time. Twenty minutes later it is another story, I can reach him and we do talk about a better way to handle it, I tell him that his mind is trying to trick him at those times and he shouldn't let himself be tricked, I ask him what would you say to a friend that is going through the same thing and he can come up with much kinder thoughts, I start to think I have helped him see a better way and then the whole process repeats the next time he is a little frustrated. As far as raising kids that care about their place in the world, he is a generous, thoughtful kid. A teacher told me the story of a time when he was tossing all the books out of his desk in frustration and he accidentally knocked a book off another students desk. He immediately stopped his fit and picked up her book, placed it back on her desk, apologized and then continued on with his outburst. Another time he was just being a little boy and batted at an object hung in the school hallway, it fell down. He said he wasn't trying to do that and dug in his pocket and gave the teacher a dime to make up for it. ( We both thought it was very sweet but we also had to wonder where he took the dime from LOL) There are just times when he really doesn't seem to be able to regulate his emotions and I haven't been successful at finding a way to help him. [/QUOTE]
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