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Substance Abuse
Parents, please help me!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Ephchap" data-source="post: 252172" data-attributes="member: 27"><p>BB,</p><p></p><p>Hi and welcome. I can definitely relate to the scenario, as my mom and older difficult child brother have been playing that game for years. Three years ago, we moved my mom into a senior independent apartment, and my brother has still not forgiven my younger brother and I for selling mom's house (a/k/a his safe, free haven). Mom ended up breaking her hip and after rehab hospital, had to be moved to the assisted living building. Brother still hangs out there all day long - with nowhere else to go. He has one of mom's credit cards which he uses at will and she loans him money constantly.</p><p></p><p>It's a losing battle for my younger brother and I. We have been round and round with my mom over it, but she somehow seems to think that she can fix my older brother - even after all these years. It's not going to happen. </p><p></p><p>What has happened is that she's pushed my younger brother and I away, as we can't stand by and watch her allow it. She doesn't understand why we feel she's choosing him over us, but that's how it feels.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could give you more encouragement that things will change, but in my own situation, I've had to make peace with the fact that it won't.</p><p></p><p>Because of my difficult child brother, I was perhaps tougher on my own son when he began drugging. The drugs were my line in the sand, and at age 14, we signed him in against his will to a 5 month Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stay, and again, when he was 17 and the drugging started and escalated, he ended up at a 10 month Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I just knew that I couldn't and wouldn't allow him to live in my house and become my older brother and me become my mom.</p><p></p><p>All I can suggest is that you try to talk to your mom and let her know your feelings, and leave the ball in her court. Encourage her to attend Alanon meetings, so she can talk with others who live with an addict/alcoholic. She needs to learn that enabling him is not helping him.</p><p></p><p>If she's not agreeable to going, get her a book on the subject and leave it with her. Then you have to make peace with it, and realize things are not going to change.</p><p></p><p>Sending hugs. I know how hard this is to watch.</p><p></p><p>Deb</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ephchap, post: 252172, member: 27"] BB, Hi and welcome. I can definitely relate to the scenario, as my mom and older difficult child brother have been playing that game for years. Three years ago, we moved my mom into a senior independent apartment, and my brother has still not forgiven my younger brother and I for selling mom's house (a/k/a his safe, free haven). Mom ended up breaking her hip and after rehab hospital, had to be moved to the assisted living building. Brother still hangs out there all day long - with nowhere else to go. He has one of mom's credit cards which he uses at will and she loans him money constantly. It's a losing battle for my younger brother and I. We have been round and round with my mom over it, but she somehow seems to think that she can fix my older brother - even after all these years. It's not going to happen. What has happened is that she's pushed my younger brother and I away, as we can't stand by and watch her allow it. She doesn't understand why we feel she's choosing him over us, but that's how it feels. I wish I could give you more encouragement that things will change, but in my own situation, I've had to make peace with the fact that it won't. Because of my difficult child brother, I was perhaps tougher on my own son when he began drugging. The drugs were my line in the sand, and at age 14, we signed him in against his will to a 5 month Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stay, and again, when he was 17 and the drugging started and escalated, he ended up at a 10 month Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I just knew that I couldn't and wouldn't allow him to live in my house and become my older brother and me become my mom. All I can suggest is that you try to talk to your mom and let her know your feelings, and leave the ball in her court. Encourage her to attend Alanon meetings, so she can talk with others who live with an addict/alcoholic. She needs to learn that enabling him is not helping him. If she's not agreeable to going, get her a book on the subject and leave it with her. Then you have to make peace with it, and realize things are not going to change. Sending hugs. I know how hard this is to watch. Deb [/QUOTE]
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