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Parents refuse to be around my husband...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 136224" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>My parents did everything in the world to help me and my x. He was a horses patootie in the best sense of the word. </p><p></p><p>Rare occasion that they ever visited us - my x was SURE to be a little boy, having tantrums, and having to show my folks WHO was the real boss of the house. </p><p></p><p>My parents loaned him money to bail him out of us loosing our apartment - never paid it back, they sent money for his bail to get him out of jail. He was abusive and controlling and the last time my Dad came we took pictures - after that - my x refused to allow me to go there and them to come here. My father died, and in a fit of rage one evening x took a razor blade and sliced my families pictures into tiny slivers that can't be repaired. </p><p></p><p>When I was IN my marriage it didn't seem like he was "that" bad - I mean I made excuses for him like you are doing for your husband too. And once out of that marriage and looking back - I think to myself - NEVER AGAIN. You disrespect my parents, you do the same to me. He was a controlling jerk who tried to get his way through intimidation and bullying - and he got it - my parents refused to come and see me again. </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion - he's controlling and that is abusive. You should be able to have your parents there to help you. If he feels threatened by that - he does need help. I think your parents were wise to leave. Nothing is accomplished by trying to come between a man and a woman - you're married. But if he treats your family that way - you probably are so close to the situation you don't see that he's doing it to you too. If you can live with it - do so. But it sounds like your parents aren't coming back for a second helping of adult male temper-tantrum. </p><p></p><p>You can't fix him with love - you can't bargain your way into him behaving around your parents. He IS who he is - either he's going to facilitate change and do something about his temper (which you already admit he's passed on to his son) or things are going to get worse. </p><p></p><p>Maybe not the answer you're looking for - but if you find yourself trying to explain away his shortcomings and give him excuses for WHY he behaved like he did - He's worried about you, it was hot, he had a bad day at work, he has deadlines, he has not had lunch, he's financially strapped, he'll make it up to my parents by (_whatever) you are making excuses. </p><p></p><p>Sorry to hear you had surgery but DELIGHTED to hear you are cancer free. </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 136224, member: 4964"] My parents did everything in the world to help me and my x. He was a horses patootie in the best sense of the word. Rare occasion that they ever visited us - my x was SURE to be a little boy, having tantrums, and having to show my folks WHO was the real boss of the house. My parents loaned him money to bail him out of us loosing our apartment - never paid it back, they sent money for his bail to get him out of jail. He was abusive and controlling and the last time my Dad came we took pictures - after that - my x refused to allow me to go there and them to come here. My father died, and in a fit of rage one evening x took a razor blade and sliced my families pictures into tiny slivers that can't be repaired. When I was IN my marriage it didn't seem like he was "that" bad - I mean I made excuses for him like you are doing for your husband too. And once out of that marriage and looking back - I think to myself - NEVER AGAIN. You disrespect my parents, you do the same to me. He was a controlling jerk who tried to get his way through intimidation and bullying - and he got it - my parents refused to come and see me again. in my humble opinion - he's controlling and that is abusive. You should be able to have your parents there to help you. If he feels threatened by that - he does need help. I think your parents were wise to leave. Nothing is accomplished by trying to come between a man and a woman - you're married. But if he treats your family that way - you probably are so close to the situation you don't see that he's doing it to you too. If you can live with it - do so. But it sounds like your parents aren't coming back for a second helping of adult male temper-tantrum. You can't fix him with love - you can't bargain your way into him behaving around your parents. He IS who he is - either he's going to facilitate change and do something about his temper (which you already admit he's passed on to his son) or things are going to get worse. Maybe not the answer you're looking for - but if you find yourself trying to explain away his shortcomings and give him excuses for WHY he behaved like he did - He's worried about you, it was hot, he had a bad day at work, he has deadlines, he has not had lunch, he's financially strapped, he'll make it up to my parents by (_whatever) you are making excuses. Sorry to hear you had surgery but DELIGHTED to hear you are cancer free. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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