I am so sad today. I just had surgery this morning (outpatient exploratory lap for potential cancer - which thankfully it is not). On the way out of the hospital, my husband had one of his semi-typical "hissy fits" about something which angered my parents, and they are now leaving town and refusing to see him. It is especially hard because they live out of state - we only see them 2-3 times per year. They JUST flew in yesterday and were staying with us to help me out during the surgery. My husband is a loving and responsible person 95% of the time, but once in a while he throws a "tantrum" under stress. The last time my parents visited, they spent an entire week helping me re-do our kitchen which was something my husband had agreed to in advance. He came home from work and threw a "fit" about the colors that he did not like and was very disrespectful to my parents, slamming doors and stomping around for several nights in a row. Amazingly they seemed to work it all out and he now loves the kitchen. So, today as I was checking out of the hospital, we were going to give my parents a ride to their car which was parked very far away, and we had a little awkwardness with them getting into the backseat as there were kid car seats, etc. in the way - my husband for some reason, just blew a gasket, leaped of the car and was making a scene in front of the hospital. My parents backed off and said they would walk to their car and left. Now they have left our house and checked into a hotel and are refusing to come over if he's there. Yikes. I have felt for some time that we probably could use some marital counseling as he does have some emotional issues at times. He and our difficult child (who is not at home at present) both seem to have similar temperaments when it comes to handling stressors in a reasonable manner and not lashing out at others. He and I had a LONG heart to heart today and I tried to explain as diplomatically as I could that he might really benefit from some counseling/skills training in coping with these emotional bursts. To him, it's just the way he does things, but from my slightly more objective perspective, it is not normal to have a very minor verbal disagreements digress rapidly into him saying extreme things like, "Oh I know I'm just a worthless piece of ...." "I should just leave and you'd all be better off,", etc. This forces me into recon mode where I am trying to calm him down and overlooking the initial issue. I cannot fault my parents for feeling like they just don't want to be around him if he might be unpleasant, but it really hurts that they are leaving before they've even had a chance to visit difficult child who has been away at hospitals, PRTFs, etc since last May. They haven't seen her since last April. But I am also quite alarmed that my husband couldn't keep his anger in check while transporting his wife who JUST had surgery and was in pain. While I'm supposedly resting post-surgery, he was stomping around with more of the "I'm so worthless" stuff and actually said he would shoot himself if he had a gun - I really don't believe he is serious - but it is pretty manipulative to be pulling that out. I calmed him down a bit, but when I mom called from the hotel to say that they were definitely flying out and wanting to know where to leave our car, he was so mad. He was going to walk over to their hotel (2 miles away) and take our car back to leave them there. Aaahhhhh. So for the past hour, I've been calming him down and talking about the positive skills he could learn from counseling. And showing him notes on emotional lability from the DBT conference that I just went to last week. He does want the help, but then he spent the next hour harping about my "bad habits" that I need to change if he's going to change. (Things like getting up from dinner table to get one more thing we need..., chronically late for stuff - isn't just about everybody, ha ha). Well, thanks for listening - it helps to just get my feelings out..