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Parents refuse to be around my husband...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 136239" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>WNC, </p><p></p><p>Getting counseling for yourself is the first step towards many steps of being the best person you can be. 11 years later I am still amazing myself with the fact that I allowed my horrible, abusive marriage to go on for 13 years. I can't believe I allowed myself to be used like I did. I can't believe it wasn't worth it to him to change, but after going through therapy I can understand why other things were so much MORE important to him, why I couldn't ever fix him or us and eventually leave him and never return. Ever. Not even a phone call. </p><p></p><p>Today I have a great relationship with a wonderful, caring man who my son adopted and calls Dad. I think some days if it were not for my fiance showing my son how a man SHOULD treat a woman and how a man SHOULD treat animals and how a man SHOULD go about life - my son would be a lot worse than he is. </p><p></p><p>My kid had enough genetic strikes against him for me not to be the best Mom I could be. And I'm still learning and improving. </p><p></p><p>-I remember you from the fall - I don't think my advice was much different then than it is now. I started therapy when i was married but had to lie about going - which I guess you would have to understand that I never lied to my husband despite anything he did - except for going to counseling - because at that point I didn't care about lying, I just wanted to figure out how to either fix him or get away. I ended up finding out I can only fix me - and I had a lot of problems to put up with someone like him. I finally formulated my ultimatums of WE get counseling or it's over and stuck to my guns. I was nearly killed for that - but had also learned what to say and what to do to get out for good - and escaped with my life. Literally. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you came back for support - there are a lot of other points of view and women, and men here who have been in abusive situations and placated it down to - Oh it's just how he is - and are NOW divorced and a lot happier for it. They are actually LIVING their lives - not existing. </p><p></p><p>Ask yourself this - HOW long do you expect to live? =-guess 85. How old are you now? 43.....so you've lived MORE than 1/2 your life. So you maybe have 37 years left and of that the last 10 may not afford you the best mobility and health - so now it's 27 years.....Ask yourself HOW do I want to spend the next 27 years of my life - look at your life now - and move forward making plans and revisions starting TODAY. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 136239, member: 4964"] WNC, Getting counseling for yourself is the first step towards many steps of being the best person you can be. 11 years later I am still amazing myself with the fact that I allowed my horrible, abusive marriage to go on for 13 years. I can't believe I allowed myself to be used like I did. I can't believe it wasn't worth it to him to change, but after going through therapy I can understand why other things were so much MORE important to him, why I couldn't ever fix him or us and eventually leave him and never return. Ever. Not even a phone call. Today I have a great relationship with a wonderful, caring man who my son adopted and calls Dad. I think some days if it were not for my fiance showing my son how a man SHOULD treat a woman and how a man SHOULD treat animals and how a man SHOULD go about life - my son would be a lot worse than he is. My kid had enough genetic strikes against him for me not to be the best Mom I could be. And I'm still learning and improving. -I remember you from the fall - I don't think my advice was much different then than it is now. I started therapy when i was married but had to lie about going - which I guess you would have to understand that I never lied to my husband despite anything he did - except for going to counseling - because at that point I didn't care about lying, I just wanted to figure out how to either fix him or get away. I ended up finding out I can only fix me - and I had a lot of problems to put up with someone like him. I finally formulated my ultimatums of WE get counseling or it's over and stuck to my guns. I was nearly killed for that - but had also learned what to say and what to do to get out for good - and escaped with my life. Literally. I'm glad you came back for support - there are a lot of other points of view and women, and men here who have been in abusive situations and placated it down to - Oh it's just how he is - and are NOW divorced and a lot happier for it. They are actually LIVING their lives - not existing. Ask yourself this - HOW long do you expect to live? =-guess 85. How old are you now? 43.....so you've lived MORE than 1/2 your life. So you maybe have 37 years left and of that the last 10 may not afford you the best mobility and health - so now it's 27 years.....Ask yourself HOW do I want to spend the next 27 years of my life - look at your life now - and move forward making plans and revisions starting TODAY. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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