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Parents refuse to be around my husband...
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 136292" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>I remember you too from when you were posting before. I'm another one that's been there/done that - for twenty years. The others have given you some wonderful advice, and said it better than I ever could. Your D(?)H sounds so much like my ex! Your husband is abusive and manipulative and don't believe for one minute that he "loses control" of his temper ... and that therefore he's not responsible for his rages! He's in <u>perfect</u> control of what he's doing! He wouldn't do it in front of a police officer, would he? He chooses <u>exactly</u> where and when to unload his rage and who to do it in front of! They use the rage, bullying, threatening and intimidation to get what they want and not have to answer for it! Have you ever heard the line, "You (or they) made me mad, so therefore you deserve exactly what you got!" - which makes it all <em>your</em> fault! You <em>made</em> him react that way! Does that sound familiar?</p><p> </p><p>The "attention grabbing" behavior also sounds very, very familiar. The whole twenty years we were married, HE had to be the constant center of attention! I could never be sick because somehow HE would always manage to be sicker than I was! Kept HIM constantly on the receiving end! If I had a bad sinus headache, HE would announce that he thought he was getting pneumonia! If I had the flu, HE would decide that his blood pressure was up and head for the emergency room! </p><p> </p><p>And yes, he also pulled this stunt at a <em>funeral!</em> Years ago his brother in law's younger brother committed suicide at age 21. Unbelievably sad! Of course, the family was devastated. He seemed to be handling it fine before the funeral and during the service. After the service when we were leaving the funeral home for the cemetery, he carried on so publicly and inconsolably that the boy's father actually stopped what he was doing and tried to comfort HIM! It was unbelievable and I have never been so humiliated in my entire life!</p><p> </p><p>The thought of going it on your own is very frightening, but I can tell you this much. I've been around a long time and I've known a lot of women who were in the same position and ended up divorced. And I've NEVER heard of even one of them who regreted leaving the marriage and who wasn't ten times happier on their own! I always compared it to "being chained to a loose cannon". Whatever bizarre directions he decides to head off in, there you are being drug along with him! I can honestly say that the twelve years since I've been divorced from him have been the happiest years of my life! And seeing how much happier I have been and my children have been, my only regret is that I didn't do it years sooner!</p><p> </p><p>I would also suggest you get counseling for yourself, and that you also speak to someone in a domestic violence group. This man has been abusing you verbally and emotionally for years and it takes it's toll. You will be astounded at how your viewpoint will change when you talk to them, and how much clearer it will all become to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 136292, member: 1883"] I remember you too from when you were posting before. I'm another one that's been there/done that - for twenty years. The others have given you some wonderful advice, and said it better than I ever could. Your D(?)H sounds so much like my ex! Your husband is abusive and manipulative and don't believe for one minute that he "loses control" of his temper ... and that therefore he's not responsible for his rages! He's in [U]perfect[/U] control of what he's doing! He wouldn't do it in front of a police officer, would he? He chooses [U]exactly[/U] where and when to unload his rage and who to do it in front of! They use the rage, bullying, threatening and intimidation to get what they want and not have to answer for it! Have you ever heard the line, "You (or they) made me mad, so therefore you deserve exactly what you got!" - which makes it all [I]your[/I] fault! You [I]made[/I] him react that way! Does that sound familiar? The "attention grabbing" behavior also sounds very, very familiar. The whole twenty years we were married, HE had to be the constant center of attention! I could never be sick because somehow HE would always manage to be sicker than I was! Kept HIM constantly on the receiving end! If I had a bad sinus headache, HE would announce that he thought he was getting pneumonia! If I had the flu, HE would decide that his blood pressure was up and head for the emergency room! And yes, he also pulled this stunt at a [I]funeral![/I] Years ago his brother in law's younger brother committed suicide at age 21. Unbelievably sad! Of course, the family was devastated. He seemed to be handling it fine before the funeral and during the service. After the service when we were leaving the funeral home for the cemetery, he carried on so publicly and inconsolably that the boy's father actually stopped what he was doing and tried to comfort HIM! It was unbelievable and I have never been so humiliated in my entire life! The thought of going it on your own is very frightening, but I can tell you this much. I've been around a long time and I've known a lot of women who were in the same position and ended up divorced. And I've NEVER heard of even one of them who regreted leaving the marriage and who wasn't ten times happier on their own! I always compared it to "being chained to a loose cannon". Whatever bizarre directions he decides to head off in, there you are being drug along with him! I can honestly say that the twelve years since I've been divorced from him have been the happiest years of my life! And seeing how much happier I have been and my children have been, my only regret is that I didn't do it years sooner! I would also suggest you get counseling for yourself, and that you also speak to someone in a domestic violence group. This man has been abusing you verbally and emotionally for years and it takes it's toll. You will be astounded at how your viewpoint will change when you talk to them, and how much clearer it will all become to you! [/QUOTE]
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Parents refuse to be around my husband...
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