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Parents refuse to be around my husband...
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<blockquote data-quote="WNC Gal" data-source="post: 136596" data-attributes="member: 3783"><p>Thanks for all of your words of support. I am awaiting a call to schedule time with a therapist for ME, and I have referred my husband to a therapist and he is calling them to get started with therapy. </p><p></p><p>This is so challenging for me - mostly because I'm accustomed to being successful at everything I do and being able to "fix" everything. I realize I have been letting little issues go which has led to bigger and bigger issues which have all been sliding by because I have not been willing to take the drastic measures required to stop this cycle. </p><p></p><p>My husband sent my parents a long e-mail - apologetic, but I also found it a bit alarming in that he basically chalks it all up to the "tremendous stress" he was under while caring for our two non-difficult child kids while I was out of town for business for 10 days. Yikes - didn't know it was so hard to drive kids around after work and prepare dinner!! While I was gone, he called me frequently to tell me all of the hard work he was doing and sometimes even kept me on the phone so I could hear him giving the kids instructions for chores, homework, etc. That was one of the first "a-ha" moments when I realized this was out of hand.</p><p></p><p>In his e-mail to my parents, there were several veiled threats:</p><p>"Believe me, it will be worse if we don't patch this up. "</p><p>"If you want to start a life time of "fighting" this will only hurt the kids and is pointless."</p><p></p><p>I'm having a challenging time to figure out exactly what to do right this second - but I have some semblance of a game plan: I ordered the Verbally Abusive Relationship book, I'm getting an appointment for therapy, husband is (hopefully) getting an appointment for therapy. And I'm basically refusing to discuss the whole situation with him as he is turning my parents into the "bad guys" for leaving. It's a little shaky - yesterday he sat next to me with the kids just a few feet away and whispered in my ear, "Do you want me to just pack a bag and LEAVE???". Of course, he knew my knee jerk reaction would be, oh my gosh - don't do that! I don't think that is actually required at this point, but if we can have a time out from discussions until we are both with therapists, that would be good.</p><p></p><p>The best case scenario is that he will use his very high level of intelligence to help himself get better and hopefully salvage our 18 year marriage. The worst case scenario - well, I'd have to leave. But I'd rather not go there unless absolutely necessary.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WNC Gal, post: 136596, member: 3783"] Thanks for all of your words of support. I am awaiting a call to schedule time with a therapist for ME, and I have referred my husband to a therapist and he is calling them to get started with therapy. This is so challenging for me - mostly because I'm accustomed to being successful at everything I do and being able to "fix" everything. I realize I have been letting little issues go which has led to bigger and bigger issues which have all been sliding by because I have not been willing to take the drastic measures required to stop this cycle. My husband sent my parents a long e-mail - apologetic, but I also found it a bit alarming in that he basically chalks it all up to the "tremendous stress" he was under while caring for our two non-difficult child kids while I was out of town for business for 10 days. Yikes - didn't know it was so hard to drive kids around after work and prepare dinner!! While I was gone, he called me frequently to tell me all of the hard work he was doing and sometimes even kept me on the phone so I could hear him giving the kids instructions for chores, homework, etc. That was one of the first "a-ha" moments when I realized this was out of hand. In his e-mail to my parents, there were several veiled threats: "Believe me, it will be worse if we don't patch this up. " "If you want to start a life time of "fighting" this will only hurt the kids and is pointless." I'm having a challenging time to figure out exactly what to do right this second - but I have some semblance of a game plan: I ordered the Verbally Abusive Relationship book, I'm getting an appointment for therapy, husband is (hopefully) getting an appointment for therapy. And I'm basically refusing to discuss the whole situation with him as he is turning my parents into the "bad guys" for leaving. It's a little shaky - yesterday he sat next to me with the kids just a few feet away and whispered in my ear, "Do you want me to just pack a bag and LEAVE???". Of course, he knew my knee jerk reaction would be, oh my gosh - don't do that! I don't think that is actually required at this point, but if we can have a time out from discussions until we are both with therapists, that would be good. The best case scenario is that he will use his very high level of intelligence to help himself get better and hopefully salvage our 18 year marriage. The worst case scenario - well, I'd have to leave. But I'd rather not go there unless absolutely necessary. Thanks for listening! [/QUOTE]
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