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Parents refuse to be around my husband...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 136973" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so thankful you are cancer-free!! This is news to celebrate.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry about your husband. Others have made many good points, esp Star. </p><p> </p><p>Today, now, ASAP, start to go through the paperwork to find what you will NEED to start over. Kids' birth certs, medical records, everyone's SSN cards, insurance cards, etc....</p><p> </p><p>DO NOT let him know you are pulling these. Take them to the bank, get a safe deposit box, and keep them there. Under NO circumstances are you to let him have them. Act confused if he notices they are gone. Don't tell him you have them. Be sure your box is NOT in your regular bank, use a different one.</p><p> </p><p>I watched a friend go through much of this. Her husband agreed to go to counselling separately from her. Surprise!! AFter just 2 sessions the therapist said there was nothing wrong with him, SHE was the one with something wrong. This therapist had never MET her, and I can imagine the stories the therapist was told. </p><p> </p><p>Be prepared for this - it apparently isn't that common.</p><p> </p><p>What do you say when he goes into the "if I had a gun" or "I shouldn't have been born" crap? My husband went through a period of saying this. Jess had just been born, I was working 70 hours or more a week. I still remember looking at husband and telling him if he really felt this way I would go buy a gun, and after the 15 day wait would show him how to shoot so I wasn't left taking care of a vegetable. </p><p> </p><p>He was so appalled, totally NOT the reaction he expected. He was told that I never hear this again - either do it or shut up about it. I also told him to either get his act together and get counselling OR fake like he was OK if the only way he could talk about whatever was wrong was to threaten suicide. </p><p> </p><p>It is time to go to the domestic violence shelter. They have a LOT of resources. Many will help you. Use their help to figure out a safe plan to get away, and to get your children away. Be prepared for the threat of physical violence, or actual physical violence if/when he sees you are leaving.</p><p> </p><p>It is time to get some help. This is no way to teach your children to be - and kids frequently do what they have been shown by their parents.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry.</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 136973, member: 1233"] I am so thankful you are cancer-free!! This is news to celebrate. I am sorry about your husband. Others have made many good points, esp Star. Today, now, ASAP, start to go through the paperwork to find what you will NEED to start over. Kids' birth certs, medical records, everyone's SSN cards, insurance cards, etc.... DO NOT let him know you are pulling these. Take them to the bank, get a safe deposit box, and keep them there. Under NO circumstances are you to let him have them. Act confused if he notices they are gone. Don't tell him you have them. Be sure your box is NOT in your regular bank, use a different one. I watched a friend go through much of this. Her husband agreed to go to counselling separately from her. Surprise!! AFter just 2 sessions the therapist said there was nothing wrong with him, SHE was the one with something wrong. This therapist had never MET her, and I can imagine the stories the therapist was told. Be prepared for this - it apparently isn't that common. What do you say when he goes into the "if I had a gun" or "I shouldn't have been born" crap? My husband went through a period of saying this. Jess had just been born, I was working 70 hours or more a week. I still remember looking at husband and telling him if he really felt this way I would go buy a gun, and after the 15 day wait would show him how to shoot so I wasn't left taking care of a vegetable. He was so appalled, totally NOT the reaction he expected. He was told that I never hear this again - either do it or shut up about it. I also told him to either get his act together and get counselling OR fake like he was OK if the only way he could talk about whatever was wrong was to threaten suicide. It is time to go to the domestic violence shelter. They have a LOT of resources. Many will help you. Use their help to figure out a safe plan to get away, and to get your children away. Be prepared for the threat of physical violence, or actual physical violence if/when he sees you are leaving. It is time to get some help. This is no way to teach your children to be - and kids frequently do what they have been shown by their parents. I am sorry. Susie [/QUOTE]
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