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Past the shock....
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 255527" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Linda - </p><p> </p><p>Someone told me to look up the 7 stages of grief when we lost Steven. I sorta knew about them and as time goes on even if you do look them up - you forget. I also know that everyone grieves at their own pace and for many different reasons. </p><p> </p><p>I love the last lines in this - because I think the words are true. It says eventually you can forgive them. I never realized I was angry at Steven for leaving. </p><p> </p><p>Hope this helps you see where you are, where you may be going and where you can start to forgive yourself and him. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">7 Stages of Grief...</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #435616">1. SHOCK & DENIAL-</span></span></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong></strong></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #435616">2. PAIN & GUILT-</span></span></strong></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. </span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #435616">3. ANGER & BARGAINING-</span></span></strong></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. </span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #435616">4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-</span></span></strong></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. <span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">7 Stages of Grief...</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #435616">5. THE UPWARD TURN-</span></span></strong></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #435616">6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-</span></span></strong></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #435616">7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-</span></span></strong></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px">During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 255527, member: 4964"] Linda - Someone told me to look up the 7 stages of grief when we lost Steven. I sorta knew about them and as time goes on even if you do look them up - you forget. I also know that everyone grieves at their own pace and for many different reasons. I love the last lines in this - because I think the words are true. It says eventually you can forgive them. I never realized I was angry at Steven for leaving. Hope this helps you see where you are, where you may be going and where you can start to forgive yourself and him. Hugs [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]7 Stages of Grief... [B][SIZE=4][COLOR=#435616]1. SHOCK & DENIAL-[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks. [B] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#435616]2. PAIN & GUILT-[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. [/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. [B][SIZE=4][COLOR=#435616]3. ANGER & BARGAINING-[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. [/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back") [B][SIZE=4][COLOR=#435616]4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair. [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]7 Stages of Grief... [/SIZE][/FONT] [B][SIZE=4][COLOR=#435616]5. THE UPWARD TURN-[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly. [B][SIZE=4][COLOR=#435616]6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her. [B][SIZE=4][COLOR=#435616]7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3]During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward. [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living. [/FONT] [/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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