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I know this is against all the parenting rules and that many here will probably disagree with me, BUT what works at my house is that I disapline difficult child 1 until I'm about to lose control then husband takes over.  If husband tries to disapline first he is way to strict.  He was raised very differently then difficult child 1 needs.  Therefore, when he says something he sticks to it (great for consistancy!) but what he says for punishments are more than difficult child 1 can handle.  Sometimes I've questioned him in front of the difficult children (this is where most would disagree with me) to get him to back off.  Since I've started this husband has been more open to picking battles and not making issues of the little stuff.  Something else that has been suggested to husband by (more than one) therapist is one-on-one fun time.  When I can get husband to do it this really improves their relationship. Its taking time, but slowly we're getting on the same page.  I'd have hit the roof if he'd ever said he was giving up on difficult child.  You have more patience than I do.


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