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Substance Abuse
petrified for 23yo son..
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677107" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is exactly my experience with my son.</p><p></p><p>When I first started setting a limit on the phone my son could not bear to talk to me at all. He would either hang up or he would yell and I would say goodbye and hang up.</p><p></p><p>I learned to not speak at all. I said Hi, when he called. I did not call. I could not even ask the automatic how are you...because it would open a can of worms. I really did not want to know. </p><p></p><p>He would call, I said Hi, and goodbye. And maybe 2 more words. Max, if that. </p><p></p><p>There were things I would not listen to, too. Conspiracy theories, for one. I told him, I will not talk about that with you. And if he insisted, I said goodbye and hung up. I was very clear and very consistent. </p><p></p><p>I told him this: I want to talk about things that interest both of us. I do not want to hear your complaints. If you have something in your life you do not like, get treatment from a professional or change it. <em>I do not want to hear about your troubles and sorrows if you choose to not do what you can do to change them.</em></p><p></p><p>I did not call him at all. In almost 5 months I maybe called once or twice. When he wanted to come home and visit I discouraged him. </p><p></p><p>After I set limits he began to call me to chat and to ask my advice. He seemed to accept my rules. He has not been disrespectful for awhile and he is not pushing the limits I have set.</p><p></p><p>Actually he seems to like that I have set limits. I think he feels more control and more hopeful...now that I have taken control for myself. That makes sense to me.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677107, member: 18958"] This is exactly my experience with my son. When I first started setting a limit on the phone my son could not bear to talk to me at all. He would either hang up or he would yell and I would say goodbye and hang up. I learned to not speak at all. I said Hi, when he called. I did not call. I could not even ask the automatic how are you...because it would open a can of worms. I really did not want to know. He would call, I said Hi, and goodbye. And maybe 2 more words. Max, if that. There were things I would not listen to, too. Conspiracy theories, for one. I told him, I will not talk about that with you. And if he insisted, I said goodbye and hung up. I was very clear and very consistent. I told him this: I want to talk about things that interest both of us. I do not want to hear your complaints. If you have something in your life you do not like, get treatment from a professional or change it. [I]I do not want to hear about your troubles and sorrows if you choose to not do what you can do to change them.[/I] I did not call him at all. In almost 5 months I maybe called once or twice. When he wanted to come home and visit I discouraged him. After I set limits he began to call me to chat and to ask my advice. He seemed to accept my rules. He has not been disrespectful for awhile and he is not pushing the limits I have set. Actually he seems to like that I have set limits. I think he feels more control and more hopeful...now that I have taken control for myself. That makes sense to me. COPA [/QUOTE]
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