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Pfffftttt....well so much for family therapy
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 315765" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I can guarantee you that the therapist does not have kids older than 7 or so. If any at all.</p><p></p><p>No way can you accept your difficult child back into the house with the authorities telling him that all his problems are because you are too strict.</p><p></p><p>The whole lights out thing would be fine with an older teen, but not with a younger teen.</p><p></p><p>NOTHING you can say will clue these people in. Sadly, you are most likely going to have to make some more hard choices. If you move, you can pray that the PO in HI will be more intelligent. Or you can leave him behind for a while in a group home of some kind. But in no way are any of these experts going to ever back you up.</p><p></p><p>They never have. They probably never will, at least not in your state. Draw up a list of rules that you feel are crucial. Insist that if he is coming home that these must all be agreed upon by the PO, GAL, difficult child, and anyone else. Keep a couple of items in there you will bend on or give up altogether. It makes them feel they "won". </p><p></p><p>Once that is in writing, if everyone agrees, THEN you may have a chance to again have him live with you. If they say you are being controlling or whatever, let them.</p><p></p><p>You are not ever going to get any of these people to think he needs any punishment/therapy/whatever to deal with him threatening you, even with a weapon. That one you have to deal with away from them.</p><p></p><p>If you get the move to HI I think that you could start over. The new people won't be as prejudiced and may even have common sense. Plus, your bro is NOT going to win them over so they fly him back to the mainland. So they will need to work with you more.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry. It just seems like you cannot win. It is pretty much, in my humble opinion, like they totally discount your role as difficult child's VICTIM simply because he is your child. More, though, it is as though they say that his violence toward you was what you should EXPECT. Sadly, this is how they are teaching him to behave. To blame his victim, to get away with all he can, and to then toss it in your face because you truly cannot stop him and the "experts" are actively in your way.</p><p></p><p>I just want to spit nails at them. Or have them each spend a couple of months living with an unstable and violent difficult child with everyone around telling them that the gfgness and violent behavior is THEIR fault because they are the victim and they "asked for it" by putting normal limits in place.</p><p></p><p>You have my admiration. Given all the abuse this "system" has piled on your shoulders, a lesser woman would have cracked or run away.</p><p></p><p>Many many hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 315765, member: 1233"] I can guarantee you that the therapist does not have kids older than 7 or so. If any at all. No way can you accept your difficult child back into the house with the authorities telling him that all his problems are because you are too strict. The whole lights out thing would be fine with an older teen, but not with a younger teen. NOTHING you can say will clue these people in. Sadly, you are most likely going to have to make some more hard choices. If you move, you can pray that the PO in HI will be more intelligent. Or you can leave him behind for a while in a group home of some kind. But in no way are any of these experts going to ever back you up. They never have. They probably never will, at least not in your state. Draw up a list of rules that you feel are crucial. Insist that if he is coming home that these must all be agreed upon by the PO, GAL, difficult child, and anyone else. Keep a couple of items in there you will bend on or give up altogether. It makes them feel they "won". Once that is in writing, if everyone agrees, THEN you may have a chance to again have him live with you. If they say you are being controlling or whatever, let them. You are not ever going to get any of these people to think he needs any punishment/therapy/whatever to deal with him threatening you, even with a weapon. That one you have to deal with away from them. If you get the move to HI I think that you could start over. The new people won't be as prejudiced and may even have common sense. Plus, your bro is NOT going to win them over so they fly him back to the mainland. So they will need to work with you more. I am sorry. It just seems like you cannot win. It is pretty much, in my humble opinion, like they totally discount your role as difficult child's VICTIM simply because he is your child. More, though, it is as though they say that his violence toward you was what you should EXPECT. Sadly, this is how they are teaching him to behave. To blame his victim, to get away with all he can, and to then toss it in your face because you truly cannot stop him and the "experts" are actively in your way. I just want to spit nails at them. Or have them each spend a couple of months living with an unstable and violent difficult child with everyone around telling them that the gfgness and violent behavior is THEIR fault because they are the victim and they "asked for it" by putting normal limits in place. You have my admiration. Given all the abuse this "system" has piled on your shoulders, a lesser woman would have cracked or run away. Many many hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Pfffftttt....well so much for family therapy
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