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Pfffftttt....well so much for family therapy
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<blockquote data-quote="horserider" data-source="post: 316507" data-attributes="member: 8054"><p>klmno</p><p>OMG, after just returning from a visit with my difficult child, who is also in the jjc, I can relate to your current situation. We had a terrible visit, gave his dad a loving gesture, me no hug - just a disgusted look. Why, because I'm the strict mom who lays down the rules, discipline and my husband is not a "united front" with- me most of the time. </p><p> </p><p>My difficult child complained what a terrible mom I had been through the yrs. because I would be on his case to much. The old saying, if you just did things expected of you on your own, mom wouldn't have to say anything. What was I supposed to do when difficult child would not get himself out of bed for school, mornings were terrible or when he would NEVER do homework. So I was the bad, nagging mom. husband was always at work so he did not have to face these issues, so he is my son's hero. Good, live with- your dad I thought, I moved out because of the physical abuse and constant swearing at me. I explained to difficult child when I stopped "nagging", let him take responsiblity for his actions about a yr ago, what happened. He was truant to the point of missing more then 30 days of school, did no homework and failed nearly every class. </p><p> </p><p>I can totally appreciate your apprehension of how things will be when your difficult child comes home. Our difficult child's need structure, rules, etc. but if they do not want to accept the "authority" how are things going to be better when they do transition home? </p><p> </p><p>Inconsistency has also been a huge factor for us. 4-6 months of out Residential Treatment Center (RTC), wonderful child, then back to his old ways. This has gone on for 3 yrs. He blamed me today for never having a full yr in the last 3 living at home.</p><p> </p><p>I almost laughed when his therapist tried to enlighten us that our difficult child has trouble respecting authority. Dah....we lived it. He is in a controlled environment now. Not doing well earning his weeks. One of the workers just said this evening to us, in front of my difficult child how much better he was doing. I'm playing the tough love card because he just got into a fight last week and faced re-entry, losing 3-4 earned weeks. And she made me look like the bad guy.</p><p> </p><p>I am trying to detach and probably will not visit next week as it is just not productive and stresses me out to much. You would think the team that is handling our difficult child's cases would appreciate our rules and how strict we have to be at times. Why don't they take our kids home for a month and see how they handle them? </p><p> </p><p>I refuse to believe that you or I were not justified in our parenting the way we did. We have a right not to be abused, have our things destroyed and lay down the "rules". They cannot run our homes any longer and make our life miserable. And as with your difficult child, I also hear how it is my fault he is in the program he's in right now. </p><p> </p><p>Stay strong, take care of yourself. It's good to know I am not alone in these kind of struggles.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="horserider, post: 316507, member: 8054"] klmno OMG, after just returning from a visit with my difficult child, who is also in the jjc, I can relate to your current situation. We had a terrible visit, gave his dad a loving gesture, me no hug - just a disgusted look. Why, because I'm the strict mom who lays down the rules, discipline and my husband is not a "united front" with- me most of the time. My difficult child complained what a terrible mom I had been through the yrs. because I would be on his case to much. The old saying, if you just did things expected of you on your own, mom wouldn't have to say anything. What was I supposed to do when difficult child would not get himself out of bed for school, mornings were terrible or when he would NEVER do homework. So I was the bad, nagging mom. husband was always at work so he did not have to face these issues, so he is my son's hero. Good, live with- your dad I thought, I moved out because of the physical abuse and constant swearing at me. I explained to difficult child when I stopped "nagging", let him take responsiblity for his actions about a yr ago, what happened. He was truant to the point of missing more then 30 days of school, did no homework and failed nearly every class. I can totally appreciate your apprehension of how things will be when your difficult child comes home. Our difficult child's need structure, rules, etc. but if they do not want to accept the "authority" how are things going to be better when they do transition home? Inconsistency has also been a huge factor for us. 4-6 months of out Residential Treatment Center (RTC), wonderful child, then back to his old ways. This has gone on for 3 yrs. He blamed me today for never having a full yr in the last 3 living at home. I almost laughed when his therapist tried to enlighten us that our difficult child has trouble respecting authority. Dah....we lived it. He is in a controlled environment now. Not doing well earning his weeks. One of the workers just said this evening to us, in front of my difficult child how much better he was doing. I'm playing the tough love card because he just got into a fight last week and faced re-entry, losing 3-4 earned weeks. And she made me look like the bad guy. I am trying to detach and probably will not visit next week as it is just not productive and stresses me out to much. You would think the team that is handling our difficult child's cases would appreciate our rules and how strict we have to be at times. Why don't they take our kids home for a month and see how they handle them? I refuse to believe that you or I were not justified in our parenting the way we did. We have a right not to be abused, have our things destroyed and lay down the "rules". They cannot run our homes any longer and make our life miserable. And as with your difficult child, I also hear how it is my fault he is in the program he's in right now. Stay strong, take care of yourself. It's good to know I am not alone in these kind of struggles. [/QUOTE]
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