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Parent Emeritus
Playing Mind Games with Myself
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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 732908" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>Thanks all for your kind and wise replies. I get the 'crazy' part because that's how I feel when I try to have a rational conversation with my two difficult, irrational adult children. Tired, like you, I don't have contact with my granddaughter because of how toxic it has been to be stuck in the middle between my son and his ex. It breaks my heart because at 3 my granddaughter already had a really hard life, but it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Re, I am on the same path - Tolle, Chodrin, codependency, but you are farther along, and I appreciate having you as a model of someone who is doing the hard work and experiencing true growth and serenity. My 37 year old borderline daughter cut off all contact with me and, therefore, I haven't seen both of my grandchildren for nine months, but however difficult I would not change my decision to take care of myself and set boundaries.</p><p></p><p>Caroly Myss once said the greatest betrayal is when we betray ourselves. For years and years I betrayed myself by allowing my difficult adult children to use me, manipulate me, guilt me, disregard and disrespect me, and yet I kept giving because I thought that's what a good mother does. I gave them money, time, kindness, a home, love, and more. Even though I struggle emotionally still, I am not willing to betray myself anymore. Sometimes I slip up, but I keep making progress, and I am learning to be as fiercely protective of me as I was of my children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 732908, member: 19832"] Thanks all for your kind and wise replies. I get the 'crazy' part because that's how I feel when I try to have a rational conversation with my two difficult, irrational adult children. Tired, like you, I don't have contact with my granddaughter because of how toxic it has been to be stuck in the middle between my son and his ex. It breaks my heart because at 3 my granddaughter already had a really hard life, but it is what it is. Re, I am on the same path - Tolle, Chodrin, codependency, but you are farther along, and I appreciate having you as a model of someone who is doing the hard work and experiencing true growth and serenity. My 37 year old borderline daughter cut off all contact with me and, therefore, I haven't seen both of my grandchildren for nine months, but however difficult I would not change my decision to take care of myself and set boundaries. Caroly Myss once said the greatest betrayal is when we betray ourselves. For years and years I betrayed myself by allowing my difficult adult children to use me, manipulate me, guilt me, disregard and disrespect me, and yet I kept giving because I thought that's what a good mother does. I gave them money, time, kindness, a home, love, and more. Even though I struggle emotionally still, I am not willing to betray myself anymore. Sometimes I slip up, but I keep making progress, and I am learning to be as fiercely protective of me as I was of my children. [/QUOTE]
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