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Please Advise-before my son gets home!
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<blockquote data-quote="neednewtechnique" data-source="post: 32130" data-attributes="member: 3527"><p>My opinion may be slightly different than most of the previous responses for several different reasons. For starters, even though our difficult child is already 12, she is not my real "daughter" and I am only 23 years old, so there isn't much of a generation gap between me and most of your difficult child's. Also, I had a period of time in my life where I acted much like most of our difficult child's are acting now. </p><p></p><p>From my point, Eminem turned "big" when I was a teenager and I absolutely loved listening to his music. For starters, when I got into this kind of music, my parents made a deal with me. They agreed that I could choose my own music and movies, but that if it was something they did not agree with, it had to be played/viewed at a level that they could not hear it, and I was not allowed to play/view when I or they had company, and I was not to take it out of the house to someone else's. </p><p></p><p>Now, our therapist has suggested "whether most agree or not, I happen to very much agree" that the "angry" music may actually be HELPFUL to them when they are in one of their moods. I am not sure the reason for this, but they suggest that it may be helpful for them.</p><p></p><p>Also, what happened to everyone here who supports the the "explosive child" methods?? Is this really a basket A issue???</p><p></p><p>Don't get me wrong sweetie, I understand that your hands are pretty much tied when your husband is forbidding this, becuase as many others have said, you CERTAINLY don't want to cause any stress between the two of you over it, that would make things that much more unpleasant. </p><p></p><p>I think that the best thing to do would be to sit and talk to your husband first. If the two of you can reach a compromise, something that you can both agree on, that would be great. Ideally, you would be able to compromise on 2 or 3 different methods of handling the situation, and if that is possible, then you can bring in your difficult child and present the options to him and hopefully one of them will seem reasonable to him.</p><p></p><p>I would DEFINITELY NOT compromise whatsoever on the PORN issue, because that kind of an ADDICTION is unhealthy and brings on a whole set of problems in itself. I would also agree with a previous poster's suggestion that maybe the computer should be located in a family central area, and I would put on a "net nanny" or other program that will keep these types of sites from being viewed on the computer. MOST anti-virus programs now days have this capability. A GREAT one that we use is easy child-cillin. It is a "trend micro" program that protects your computer from viruses and spyware, and also has a pop-up blocker on it, and VERY SPECIFIC parental control options. This way, viewing this type of content online is simply not an option because the computer itself will not allow it. Then you don't have to worry about him sneaking around doing it (at least, not at home....)</p><p></p><p>Best of luck to you, I hope that you and your husband can reach a compromise on this sticky situation that your difficult child will be accepting of.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and I will keep you in my prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="neednewtechnique, post: 32130, member: 3527"] My opinion may be slightly different than most of the previous responses for several different reasons. For starters, even though our difficult child is already 12, she is not my real "daughter" and I am only 23 years old, so there isn't much of a generation gap between me and most of your difficult child's. Also, I had a period of time in my life where I acted much like most of our difficult child's are acting now. From my point, Eminem turned "big" when I was a teenager and I absolutely loved listening to his music. For starters, when I got into this kind of music, my parents made a deal with me. They agreed that I could choose my own music and movies, but that if it was something they did not agree with, it had to be played/viewed at a level that they could not hear it, and I was not allowed to play/view when I or they had company, and I was not to take it out of the house to someone else's. Now, our therapist has suggested "whether most agree or not, I happen to very much agree" that the "angry" music may actually be HELPFUL to them when they are in one of their moods. I am not sure the reason for this, but they suggest that it may be helpful for them. Also, what happened to everyone here who supports the the "explosive child" methods?? Is this really a basket A issue??? Don't get me wrong sweetie, I understand that your hands are pretty much tied when your husband is forbidding this, becuase as many others have said, you CERTAINLY don't want to cause any stress between the two of you over it, that would make things that much more unpleasant. I think that the best thing to do would be to sit and talk to your husband first. If the two of you can reach a compromise, something that you can both agree on, that would be great. Ideally, you would be able to compromise on 2 or 3 different methods of handling the situation, and if that is possible, then you can bring in your difficult child and present the options to him and hopefully one of them will seem reasonable to him. I would DEFINITELY NOT compromise whatsoever on the PORN issue, because that kind of an ADDICTION is unhealthy and brings on a whole set of problems in itself. I would also agree with a previous poster's suggestion that maybe the computer should be located in a family central area, and I would put on a "net nanny" or other program that will keep these types of sites from being viewed on the computer. MOST anti-virus programs now days have this capability. A GREAT one that we use is easy child-cillin. It is a "trend micro" program that protects your computer from viruses and spyware, and also has a pop-up blocker on it, and VERY SPECIFIC parental control options. This way, viewing this type of content online is simply not an option because the computer itself will not allow it. Then you don't have to worry about him sneaking around doing it (at least, not at home....) Best of luck to you, I hope that you and your husband can reach a compromise on this sticky situation that your difficult child will be accepting of. Hugs and I will keep you in my prayers. [/QUOTE]
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