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General Parenting
PLEASE hear me out! my five year olds' behavior!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 549149" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>First few disclaimers: I live in the country there any kind of spanking is illegal, has been around three decades. I don't really believe in spanking with any kids. I just don't see benefits outweighing the negatives. However; we have spanked our difficult child. First when he was young, around four or five. We tried using spanking few months, didn't help, made things worse. We were desperate enough to try again several years later, that was total catastrophe, using spanking quickly escalated to the bad situation, it certainly didn't make difficult child's behaviour any better, it did a lot of damage to his and his dad's relationship (he was doing the spanking) and we still regret it. With our difficult child the severity of the violence that would had been needed to change his behaviour would had simply and totally unacceptable. Severity that husband used in the second period we tried using spankings was already much over the limit and it certainly didn't make any positive difference. </p><p></p><p>With your son: if spanking with the hand doesn't change his behaviour, why would anyone think using a belt would? Child will not see any philosophical difference between hand and a belt. And the force one can use in spanking without it turning truly abusive isn't something you need belt for. If spanking is not working, it will not work any better with the belt. When spanking works, it doesn't usually work because the amount of pain, but because of other factors. If few smacks don't work, the amount of pain needed to make it 'work' (or kid afraid enough to not get caught) is almost guaranteed to be abusive and totally unacceptable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 549149, member: 14557"] First few disclaimers: I live in the country there any kind of spanking is illegal, has been around three decades. I don't really believe in spanking with any kids. I just don't see benefits outweighing the negatives. However; we have spanked our difficult child. First when he was young, around four or five. We tried using spanking few months, didn't help, made things worse. We were desperate enough to try again several years later, that was total catastrophe, using spanking quickly escalated to the bad situation, it certainly didn't make difficult child's behaviour any better, it did a lot of damage to his and his dad's relationship (he was doing the spanking) and we still regret it. With our difficult child the severity of the violence that would had been needed to change his behaviour would had simply and totally unacceptable. Severity that husband used in the second period we tried using spankings was already much over the limit and it certainly didn't make any positive difference. With your son: if spanking with the hand doesn't change his behaviour, why would anyone think using a belt would? Child will not see any philosophical difference between hand and a belt. And the force one can use in spanking without it turning truly abusive isn't something you need belt for. If spanking is not working, it will not work any better with the belt. When spanking works, it doesn't usually work because the amount of pain, but because of other factors. If few smacks don't work, the amount of pain needed to make it 'work' (or kid afraid enough to not get caught) is almost guaranteed to be abusive and totally unacceptable. [/QUOTE]
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PLEASE hear me out! my five year olds' behavior!!!
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