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Please help! Advice needed...have you gone through this issue?
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<blockquote data-quote="Weary for Hope" data-source="post: 392906"><p>I'll try to reply to each of you.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Marg. difficult child - gift from God - that is beautiful and the truth! (even though I don't always want to acknowledge it). I have read the Explosive Child - very good book. (I've read lots of books, but always welcome recs for new ones!- anyone?)</p><p></p><p>Thank you for your words & advice, SFR. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Midwestmom - thanks for responding again to my post. I so appreciate it! It is hard for me to put information up on this board, as it is supposed to be confidential, but I guess we're pretty anonymous, right?</p><p></p><p>He came into our home at 3 (he is now 10) (was in 1 solid foster home from birth until then) and there was heavy cocaine use throughout the pregnancy. I don't know about psychiatric issues in the family, but I think so - it was not a good situation. Birth mother cruelly abused as child. I don't know about his early development as we didn't meet him until he was 2. But from what I hear, it was pretty normal. He is very social - does have friends, but lately sticking with fewer friends and we are concerned that 1 esp. is not a good influence. He definitely struggles with-transitions - he wants to be in charge of everything, usually defiant. He was doing ok in school until this last year - his grades have gone way down and he gives up easily. Getting work done takes him a long time, though he is smart. I don't think he has ADHD, as he can really focus on stuff when he wants to. This year, I've wondered about bipolar, but he doesn't show depression that I can recognize.</p><p></p><p>He has been home for 7 years now, though we have had a ton of moves/transitions in the past few years. We are finally settled - phew! He hasn't had abuse since birth, but being taken away from his foster parents at age 3 must have been a trauma. (plus all the transitions).</p><p></p><p>I always denied he had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) - because I thought we bonded well and he attached to us, but when I read more about it earlier this fall - I was like, wow - this sounds like him.(more than my suspicions of bipolar) One way he distances himself from me is not eating the food I make him (even last week when I made blueberry pancakes). He was even suspicious of some amazing cinnamon buns the other day (geez, louise!) - but did give in. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> It does seem he sabotages the good times we have together. He usually always freaks out later on on a day we have had a special time together. Ambivalent seems right (and he is extremely disorganized and messy). I feel very distant from him and it is because I distance myself because it is so painful (& he makes me so angry, hurts us so much), but I'm working on this, with God's help.</p><p></p><p>We have had issues with health care and so haven't had him evaluated yet, but hopefully, things will come together soon. Where does one start? A psychiatrist? A neuro-something keeps getting brought up. It's overwhelming and hard to know where to start.</p><p></p><p>We have a meeting with a counselor later this morning. She has been very helpful in giving us parenting ideas. Hopefully she can advise us on how to deal with this stealing/lying issue. </p><p></p><p>Grateful for this board. </p><p></p><p>-WFH</p><p>me, 39</p><p>husband, 40</p><p>difficult child 10 (adopted age 3) - he hasn't been evaluated, but our counselor thought ODD and CD (ODD I knew, CD was a bit of suprise), Lots of rage and defiance</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Weary for Hope, post: 392906"] I'll try to reply to each of you. Thank you, Marg. difficult child - gift from God - that is beautiful and the truth! (even though I don't always want to acknowledge it). I have read the Explosive Child - very good book. (I've read lots of books, but always welcome recs for new ones!- anyone?) Thank you for your words & advice, SFR. :) Midwestmom - thanks for responding again to my post. I so appreciate it! It is hard for me to put information up on this board, as it is supposed to be confidential, but I guess we're pretty anonymous, right? He came into our home at 3 (he is now 10) (was in 1 solid foster home from birth until then) and there was heavy cocaine use throughout the pregnancy. I don't know about psychiatric issues in the family, but I think so - it was not a good situation. Birth mother cruelly abused as child. I don't know about his early development as we didn't meet him until he was 2. But from what I hear, it was pretty normal. He is very social - does have friends, but lately sticking with fewer friends and we are concerned that 1 esp. is not a good influence. He definitely struggles with-transitions - he wants to be in charge of everything, usually defiant. He was doing ok in school until this last year - his grades have gone way down and he gives up easily. Getting work done takes him a long time, though he is smart. I don't think he has ADHD, as he can really focus on stuff when he wants to. This year, I've wondered about bipolar, but he doesn't show depression that I can recognize. He has been home for 7 years now, though we have had a ton of moves/transitions in the past few years. We are finally settled - phew! He hasn't had abuse since birth, but being taken away from his foster parents at age 3 must have been a trauma. (plus all the transitions). I always denied he had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) - because I thought we bonded well and he attached to us, but when I read more about it earlier this fall - I was like, wow - this sounds like him.(more than my suspicions of bipolar) One way he distances himself from me is not eating the food I make him (even last week when I made blueberry pancakes). He was even suspicious of some amazing cinnamon buns the other day (geez, louise!) - but did give in. :) It does seem he sabotages the good times we have together. He usually always freaks out later on on a day we have had a special time together. Ambivalent seems right (and he is extremely disorganized and messy). I feel very distant from him and it is because I distance myself because it is so painful (& he makes me so angry, hurts us so much), but I'm working on this, with God's help. We have had issues with health care and so haven't had him evaluated yet, but hopefully, things will come together soon. Where does one start? A psychiatrist? A neuro-something keeps getting brought up. It's overwhelming and hard to know where to start. We have a meeting with a counselor later this morning. She has been very helpful in giving us parenting ideas. Hopefully she can advise us on how to deal with this stealing/lying issue. Grateful for this board. -WFH me, 39 husband, 40 difficult child 10 (adopted age 3) - he hasn't been evaluated, but our counselor thought ODD and CD (ODD I knew, CD was a bit of suprise), Lots of rage and defiance [/QUOTE]
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