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Please help! Advice needed...have you gone through this issue?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 393303" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I"m so sorry it took so long for me to get back to you here. Did you get my PM?</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids are great pretenders. We had one and we thought he loved all of us because he was good at doing and saying what he had to in order to get the reaction/material item he wanted from us. He may not have full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but any child who had a chaotic beginning and was yanked from everyone he knew has GOT to have attachment issues in there. It's just how things work. I always tell people that if they want a strong attachment, adopt a baby from the hospital. We adopted six times. Twice it did not work out...one of the kids was a plain out psycopath and nobody knew it because he acted so "good" to strangers. He even fooled psychiatrists who said he was a "great kid" with surprisingly few problems considering his background. but this great kid sexually abused both of my younger kids and killed two of our dogs. He was SUCH a good kid that we didn't believe HE killed the first dog and my other two kids were too afraid of him to tell on him. After he killed the second dog, the farce blew up and we learned everything. He was shown the door because of what he had done to my babies (also adopted, so it had nothing to do with the adoption...we didn't want a dangerous kid there). He even admitted what he did when CPS came by to take him and said he did not know why he did the things he did. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is ugly and can fool you. Also, it rarely stands alone, and all disorders need to be treated. Also, all that cocaine has certainly caused some damage. It is common for cocaine babies to show behavioral/learning disorders and some autistic tendencies. My son who we adopted (see his description below) was born with crack in his system and he is on the autism spectrum.</p><p></p><p>I think you need to schedule a neuropsychologist evaluation. And when you do, ask if the neuropsychologist has experience with kids who were adopted at older ages because t hey can change the way the neuropsychologist sees the child. Also, he should know how drugs before birth can affect a child. He may also have alcohol affects. If she did not say "no" to cocaine, she did not say "no" to alcohol. Alcohol can cause everything that Cocaine can...and worse. It does not help to be in denial. You adopted a complicated, "different" child and you knew that going in. Do you belong to an adoption group? If not, I recommend joining. You will hear similar stories and can swap parenting methods because NOTHING you read about in any book will prepare you for the child you have. the books are written mostly for attached kids with disorders who did not experience prenatal drug and alcohol exposure. Been there/done that/have the tee-shirt.</p><p></p><p>Your son is not distant on purpose. You can not expect him to act like a child you gave birth to or who has been in your arms since infancy. He has baggage, like the older kids that I adopted. How much, he probably doesn't remember and nobody probably knows. I believe that the very disturbed child we adopted not only has an antisocial personality disorder but had brain damage from things his birthmother did to him, including prenatal drug/alcohol use. His official diagnosis (after he was taken away to a facility) was "Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder." I think that's true, but I think he came by his diagnosis because of a terrible start in life. Still, the things he did made it impossible for us to parent him anymore and my younger kids were terrified of him, of course. </p><p></p><p>Denial doesn't work well with our kids. Take him to a neuropsychologist ASAP. And, hey...I understand. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 393303, member: 1550"] Hi. I"m so sorry it took so long for me to get back to you here. Did you get my PM? Anyway, I think Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids are great pretenders. We had one and we thought he loved all of us because he was good at doing and saying what he had to in order to get the reaction/material item he wanted from us. He may not have full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but any child who had a chaotic beginning and was yanked from everyone he knew has GOT to have attachment issues in there. It's just how things work. I always tell people that if they want a strong attachment, adopt a baby from the hospital. We adopted six times. Twice it did not work out...one of the kids was a plain out psycopath and nobody knew it because he acted so "good" to strangers. He even fooled psychiatrists who said he was a "great kid" with surprisingly few problems considering his background. but this great kid sexually abused both of my younger kids and killed two of our dogs. He was SUCH a good kid that we didn't believe HE killed the first dog and my other two kids were too afraid of him to tell on him. After he killed the second dog, the farce blew up and we learned everything. He was shown the door because of what he had done to my babies (also adopted, so it had nothing to do with the adoption...we didn't want a dangerous kid there). He even admitted what he did when CPS came by to take him and said he did not know why he did the things he did. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is ugly and can fool you. Also, it rarely stands alone, and all disorders need to be treated. Also, all that cocaine has certainly caused some damage. It is common for cocaine babies to show behavioral/learning disorders and some autistic tendencies. My son who we adopted (see his description below) was born with crack in his system and he is on the autism spectrum. I think you need to schedule a neuropsychologist evaluation. And when you do, ask if the neuropsychologist has experience with kids who were adopted at older ages because t hey can change the way the neuropsychologist sees the child. Also, he should know how drugs before birth can affect a child. He may also have alcohol affects. If she did not say "no" to cocaine, she did not say "no" to alcohol. Alcohol can cause everything that Cocaine can...and worse. It does not help to be in denial. You adopted a complicated, "different" child and you knew that going in. Do you belong to an adoption group? If not, I recommend joining. You will hear similar stories and can swap parenting methods because NOTHING you read about in any book will prepare you for the child you have. the books are written mostly for attached kids with disorders who did not experience prenatal drug and alcohol exposure. Been there/done that/have the tee-shirt. Your son is not distant on purpose. You can not expect him to act like a child you gave birth to or who has been in your arms since infancy. He has baggage, like the older kids that I adopted. How much, he probably doesn't remember and nobody probably knows. I believe that the very disturbed child we adopted not only has an antisocial personality disorder but had brain damage from things his birthmother did to him, including prenatal drug/alcohol use. His official diagnosis (after he was taken away to a facility) was "Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder." I think that's true, but I think he came by his diagnosis because of a terrible start in life. Still, the things he did made it impossible for us to parent him anymore and my younger kids were terrified of him, of course. Denial doesn't work well with our kids. Take him to a neuropsychologist ASAP. And, hey...I understand. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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