please help desperate

[tonime]

my son has been diagnosed adhd since 4
has had ups and downs through the years
tonight my mind was BLOWN
this year he is 11
first summer no medications -- sent him to school first week and half no medications to see how he would do
not great-- disruptive-- in other kid's personal space etc. etc.
put him back on medications-- foccalin short acting-- 25 mg a day
just put him on xr this week 30 mg
doing better in school
went to soccer practice today
late-- 6 pm-715
i was working husband took him, dropped him off
tonight got a call from a parent
apparently difficult child doing sexually inappropriate things to her son
she was good- parent b/w us and coaches
but she drew the line
apparently this has been going on at school too-even thought they are not in the same class
difficult child also bullying kid not to say anything
I am totally blown away
I a have a counselor lined up --- was doing this to get difficult child to build up self esteem -- maybe one day coping with adhd without medications-- no idea this was going on when I set up appointments
I aM so worried
any advice ?
where do I go from here?
I don't want him to hurt anybody. I can not believe he has been doing these things.

 

[smallworld]

I strongly recommend getting him in to see a child psychiatrist ASAP. It is possible the stimulants are causing a bad reaction. It is also possible he's been misdiagnosed and needs different medications and/or different interventions. Only a competent professional will be able to help you get difficult child the help he needs.

I can only imagine how upsetting this is to you. Hang in there.

 

[katya02]

I agree, a child psychiatrist is needed immediately, the counselor will have to wait. You should be able to have difficult child seen same day for a crisis like this. Don't let a secretary put you off (although most won't, they tend to know an emergency when they hear one).

I'm puzzled about the other parent apparently knowing that sexual inappropriateness and bullying has gone on at school and hasn't contacted you or the school ...? At any rate, the school will have to know so that an appropriate plan can be put in place there. Since tomorrow is Friday, maybe keep difficult child home in the morning, call the school and tell them he has a medical absence and talk privately to the principal. I would think a meeting with any involved staff - administrators, teachers, etc. - will be necessary to get the full story. More information will help everyone involved.

Does your difficult child feel comfortable with your psychiatrist, i.e. do you think he would open up about this behavior? Hopefully an appointment tomorrow will shed more light on things.

I'm so sorry. Try to get some sleep so that your mind is clear tomorrow. Hopefully you'll be able to have someone along to support you. If not, we're here when you can get to the list. {{hugs}} and warm thoughts.

 

[crazymama30]

I agree, child psychiatrist ASAP. Good luck and hugs, this does get old after a while.

 

[Lillyth]

What were the sexually inappropriate things he was doing?

If they are serious enough, you may want to look into someone (I hate to say it) who treats juvenile sex offenders. They are your best bet.

You can try ATSA for a recommendation, or, if you live in California, I can get you a recommendation for a good one. Actually, I can probably find you a referral anyway if you tell me where you live. I used to do some work with the California Coalition on Sexual Offending.

As much as this *****, I think you have to take it seriously, and make sure he doesn't hurt anyone.

You may also want to look into whether someone has ever done this to him. Granted not all of them did, bu most offenders got that way because someone did something to them.

My heart really goes out to you, and if you need someone to talk to, someone who knows a fair amount about sex abuse, I'd be happy to talk to you any time... Let me know if I can help in any way...

 

[tonime]

Yes, I am going to call today to get an appointment with a child psychiatrist
as for the actual abuse
difficult child was saying things doing inappropriate things to his instrument case in front of this kid
he rubbed himself on the kid
and also said inappropriate things
the worst part for me is that he was bullying this kid not to say anything
that is the scary part for me-- I could maybe understand it if it was just an impulse control thing
I can't believe I am typing this-- I am totally blown away that this is happening
I would have never imagined it
husband and I both know how serious this is
I wish I could call in from work-- but I can't because I had to take off for medical reasons last week-husband and I have to take off again for me-- ultrasound--another medical issue
I wish that was all we had to deal with
thank you for giving advice
it will be taken

 

[BusynMember]

Expect CPS to come visiting. They have no choice. Anyone who helps you is a mandated reporter, and they are forced to turn you in. Take advantage of it and get help for this child so that he doesn't become a sexual predator. I read a very encouraging article on how catching sexual predators early can actually stop them from re-offending. However, once adults do it, they rarely stop. Find somebody who can specifically deal with this issue, and also have him evaluated. I prefer NeuroPsychs to Psychiatarists. However, I agree with the others--you need to get help fast before a parent turns you in. It is always better if that doesn't happen! He may have acted out on other kids as well...and you don't want him to do that. (((Hugs)))

 

[Lillyth]

Expect CPS to come visiting. They have no choice. Anyone who helps you is a mandated reporter, and they are forced to turn you in. Take advantage of it and get help for this child so that he doesn't become a sexual predator. I read a very encouraging article on how catching sexual predators early can actually stop them from re-offending. However, once adults do it, they rarely stop. Find somebody who can specifically deal with this issue, and also have him evaluated. I prefer NeuroPsychs to Psychiatarists. However, I agree with the others--you need to get help fast before a parent turns you in. It is always better if that doesn't happen! He may have acted out on other kids as well...and you don't want him to do that. (((Hugs)))

Sex Offenders have the LOWEST recidivism rate of all other criminals. Once a sex offender is caught, they have a 75% chance of never re-offending again. This is according to the Department of Justice.

So think of it this way: Your son has a 3 in 4 chance that he will NEVER do another sexually inappropriate thing. That's not too bad as far as odds go...

Like I said, I would be happy to find you someone who works with Juvenille Offenders.

I agree you need to get help for your son. And now.

But please, be assured that while pressuring the other kid into not telling anyone IS a cause for concern, it is a far cry from what your son did to "sexual predator". Not ALL sex offenders are predators either, so please take a deep breath and do a reality check. While what he did *is* cause for alarm, your son is hardly stalking small children late at night.

I have, by the way, personally known more than one sex offender to stop offending, so please don't think your son is a lost cause or anything, because he is not.

And again, message me if you need anything.

 

[tonime]

thank you for all your advice and support
I actually was able to get an appointment with a child psychiatrist for an evaluation on Monday
It took quite a few phone calls, but I got it
husband and I spoke with difficult child--a good talk--told him we love him-- told him we are going to help him--he seems to have understood--the principal of the school also spoke with him today
which worked out well
He went to school today and there were no issues ( I hope to God)--but the principal called us and it was about another time
I am not sending him to school on Monday--not until I get some answers

The incident that happened at school was on Tuesday--his first day on foccalin XR -- 30 mg -- he was taking foccalin but not extended release-I don't think there should be a difference-- but I am sure the doctor will know

Thank you again