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Please help me...frustrated and confused
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<blockquote data-quote="Sickntired" data-source="post: 125791" data-attributes="member: 3848"><p>Hi and welcome. You and I are in exactly the same sinking boat. I too have a 14 year old with the exact same diagnosis. And the school system sounds just like ours. Maybe it's me writing your post in an "out of body" experience!!!! </p><p></p><p>I wish I could help you, because to this point, I have found nothing that helps. My difficult child just absolutely refuses to cooperate at all, in any shape or fashion. He actually would have good intentions on the way to school and promise and promise, but once he got there, it just all fell apart. Absolutely refused to do anything. I worked and worked on him, encouraging him, etc. and finally had a promise out of him one day that he would TRY, just try. And guess what. Come to find out he actually did, but I lost what ground I had made because his "teacher" and I use that term lightly, messed it all up. He is only "allowed" to attend for 3 hours until he proves he can do his work. That one day I got him to agree to try, she brought him out to the car and "tattled" on him, saying he had done NOTHING that day, slept. He kept saying he did, she was just trying to get him in trouble. Well, we punished him and had a big melt down and he kept saying just go up there and check. I'm telling the truth. He didn't sleep at all that night, and fell asleep at 6:00 that morning because he was so upset. So we couldn't get him up for school. So I went up there and was going to talk to his teacher, but she was not there that day. I asked her assistant if I could see the work my difficult child did the day before. She said Oh yes, he really did work yesterday. He worked several packets. I said WHAT???? I was told he did nothing. Then the assistant said, oh, after she came back in she FOUND his work. I said how could she not know where it is. There are only 4 kids in this room and is she not helping him??????? So I went by the principals office and told him and he said he would check into it. Then, I had to go home and apologize for not believing him. I went to the school the next morning to confront her. We had a meeting in the principal's office. I demanded she apoligize to me and to him because she had really caused a problem. For the steps we took forward with him, she set him back 100 steps. There was a lot of damage done by that. She ended up the conversation by saying, well, I was going to tell you today that I found the work. I asked her why she didn't call and tell us, lord knows she calls for everything else so I know she knows our number. It would have calmed so many problems. She said I just didn't think it was a big deal. Then she said, well he did do those packets but he could have done more!! I said good grief lady, will he ever please you? From that point forward, my difficult child again would do nothing. Nothing. Nothing. We finally had to pull him out of school for the rest of the year. We are just wasting their time and his. He's not learning, so he can not learn at home. I do what I can with him. I think the school was actually glad he is gone. </p><p></p><p>On his IEP they have behavior intevention plans, and they work to some point, but when he is very oppositional, nothing works. I am at my wits end. I, like you, do not know what to do for this child. He won't let you help him. A friend of mine told me he won't get better until he decides he wants to. That may be the exact truth. Wish I could help you, but I can't even help myself. Blessings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sickntired, post: 125791, member: 3848"] Hi and welcome. You and I are in exactly the same sinking boat. I too have a 14 year old with the exact same diagnosis. And the school system sounds just like ours. Maybe it's me writing your post in an "out of body" experience!!!! I wish I could help you, because to this point, I have found nothing that helps. My difficult child just absolutely refuses to cooperate at all, in any shape or fashion. He actually would have good intentions on the way to school and promise and promise, but once he got there, it just all fell apart. Absolutely refused to do anything. I worked and worked on him, encouraging him, etc. and finally had a promise out of him one day that he would TRY, just try. And guess what. Come to find out he actually did, but I lost what ground I had made because his "teacher" and I use that term lightly, messed it all up. He is only "allowed" to attend for 3 hours until he proves he can do his work. That one day I got him to agree to try, she brought him out to the car and "tattled" on him, saying he had done NOTHING that day, slept. He kept saying he did, she was just trying to get him in trouble. Well, we punished him and had a big melt down and he kept saying just go up there and check. I'm telling the truth. He didn't sleep at all that night, and fell asleep at 6:00 that morning because he was so upset. So we couldn't get him up for school. So I went up there and was going to talk to his teacher, but she was not there that day. I asked her assistant if I could see the work my difficult child did the day before. She said Oh yes, he really did work yesterday. He worked several packets. I said WHAT???? I was told he did nothing. Then the assistant said, oh, after she came back in she FOUND his work. I said how could she not know where it is. There are only 4 kids in this room and is she not helping him??????? So I went by the principals office and told him and he said he would check into it. Then, I had to go home and apologize for not believing him. I went to the school the next morning to confront her. We had a meeting in the principal's office. I demanded she apoligize to me and to him because she had really caused a problem. For the steps we took forward with him, she set him back 100 steps. There was a lot of damage done by that. She ended up the conversation by saying, well, I was going to tell you today that I found the work. I asked her why she didn't call and tell us, lord knows she calls for everything else so I know she knows our number. It would have calmed so many problems. She said I just didn't think it was a big deal. Then she said, well he did do those packets but he could have done more!! I said good grief lady, will he ever please you? From that point forward, my difficult child again would do nothing. Nothing. Nothing. We finally had to pull him out of school for the rest of the year. We are just wasting their time and his. He's not learning, so he can not learn at home. I do what I can with him. I think the school was actually glad he is gone. On his IEP they have behavior intevention plans, and they work to some point, but when he is very oppositional, nothing works. I am at my wits end. I, like you, do not know what to do for this child. He won't let you help him. A friend of mine told me he won't get better until he decides he wants to. That may be the exact truth. Wish I could help you, but I can't even help myself. Blessings. [/QUOTE]
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