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PLEASE help me with our 12 year old son!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 598971" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Nikiani, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids tend to charm other adults. Ours did. The fact is, having him live away from home is not giving up on him. I personally could not handle the kid we adopted after I found out he had sex with my five year old.And by having sex, I mean he had sex. He didn't just molest her. He killed two dogs and tried to blame others and cried too (probably fake tears). He held a knife to their throats and made them have sex with him and with each other. I am not sure your child hasn't abused your daughter. He is obsessed with sex already and it is not normal to talk about sex to very small kids. This is a kid waiting to become a psychopath and he should not live with you or your girls. You can parent him while he lives away from home...many of us have to do that. A twelve year old boy is tall and strong and hormonal and sexual and, in his case, severely damaged. medications do not change the basic character of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. There isn't really much proven help and it is way, way expensive and controversial.</p><p></p><p>Before this child says you are sexually abusing him, an allegation that CPS *has* to take seriously and could have your other kids taken from both of you as well, and label you a sexual predator (or your husband) get him out of the house. Get him involved in social services and maybe they will pay. If he goes to a boarding school, for example, he is still a danger to the other kids he comes into contact with and you are legally responsible if you adopt him. I would not even consider it. Not if you value your two kids who have a chance at a normal life if this kid does not terrorize them. My kids were so scared of our kid t hat they didn't say anything about the things he did and he made them WATCH him strangle our dog. When a kid is thirteen and your other kids are seven and five, and that older kid is threatening to kill them and Mom and Dad if you dare to tell on him, the younger kids do get afraid to tell on him. </p><p></p><p>If sending him away is giving up on him then that is my advice. In the end, he is probably going to end up a very dangerous man anyway. If he isn't, you can be pleasantly surprised...he will have beaten the odds...but right now he is a dangerous dangerous kid and, if you keep him in your house, you will probably regret it very much. He is trying very hard to get you into serious trouble. Don't be surprised if your dogs are dead one day and, of course, he didn't do it or know what happened and your younger kids are too scared to tell you the truth. And don't be surprised if you find out he has already been messing around with your five year old. I would ask her if he has ever touched her privates or shown her his or made her touch him. I'd be surprised if she said a strong "no." I hope I'm wrong, but I'll bet he has. As for the baby...she is helpless. He can touch her whenever he wants to when you are not looking.</p><p></p><p>I wish you luck. This is a problem with no good solution other than to save the other kids, your own reputation, and the rest of your family. It is too bad you spent so much trying to get custody of him. In the end, he will probably run home to live with bio. mom anyway. Abuse permeated his important first three years. He accepts it and he dishes it out too. He knows other people think it is wrong, so he hides it the best he can, but HE doesn't really think it's wrong. </p><p></p><p>I won't speak here on this anymore, but I hope you take it to heart. I was like you. I thought love could cure him or treatment or a normal family. He is now 22 and out of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) For Young Sexual Predators. He is a registered sex offender who refuses to register and he could be thrown in jail for not registering. He is married with two daughters and I get teary eyed thinking about those two babies because he will abuse them too. Once he was taken away to a sort of juvenile jail, he admitted he'd been messing with kids since as far back as he could remember, but he had no memory of being abused himself, but obviously he had been. He had no insight into why he did the things he did and no remorse. He started trying to perp on kids even in this sort of kid jail where there are cameras running 24/7. His prognosis was said to be "poor."</p><p></p><p>The county charged this thirteen year old with sexual assault of a minor because my two younger kids were six years younger than he is. He was found guilty. We have and want no contact with him ever again. If that sounds cold, so be it. I had to take two little kids to sexual abuse therapy for years and I think if he had been around...if we had kept him in our lives...they would resent us for caring about this person who did such horrible things to them. As it is, thankfully both are doing quite well. I am glad this kid monster is gone. I realize you have more tender feelings for your son, but how would you feel if you found out he was touching your daughters? We loved this boy at one time too. </p><p></p><p>It is playing with fire to live with a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child. I hope you take my advice and get him out of the house ASAP. Another Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kid who was in foster care with a friend of mine burned down her house. While it was burning he asked, "Can we get McDonalds?" This is the reality of full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). </p><p></p><p>(((HugsS))).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 598971, member: 1550"] Nikiani, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids tend to charm other adults. Ours did. The fact is, having him live away from home is not giving up on him. I personally could not handle the kid we adopted after I found out he had sex with my five year old.And by having sex, I mean he had sex. He didn't just molest her. He killed two dogs and tried to blame others and cried too (probably fake tears). He held a knife to their throats and made them have sex with him and with each other. I am not sure your child hasn't abused your daughter. He is obsessed with sex already and it is not normal to talk about sex to very small kids. This is a kid waiting to become a psychopath and he should not live with you or your girls. You can parent him while he lives away from home...many of us have to do that. A twelve year old boy is tall and strong and hormonal and sexual and, in his case, severely damaged. medications do not change the basic character of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. There isn't really much proven help and it is way, way expensive and controversial. Before this child says you are sexually abusing him, an allegation that CPS *has* to take seriously and could have your other kids taken from both of you as well, and label you a sexual predator (or your husband) get him out of the house. Get him involved in social services and maybe they will pay. If he goes to a boarding school, for example, he is still a danger to the other kids he comes into contact with and you are legally responsible if you adopt him. I would not even consider it. Not if you value your two kids who have a chance at a normal life if this kid does not terrorize them. My kids were so scared of our kid t hat they didn't say anything about the things he did and he made them WATCH him strangle our dog. When a kid is thirteen and your other kids are seven and five, and that older kid is threatening to kill them and Mom and Dad if you dare to tell on him, the younger kids do get afraid to tell on him. If sending him away is giving up on him then that is my advice. In the end, he is probably going to end up a very dangerous man anyway. If he isn't, you can be pleasantly surprised...he will have beaten the odds...but right now he is a dangerous dangerous kid and, if you keep him in your house, you will probably regret it very much. He is trying very hard to get you into serious trouble. Don't be surprised if your dogs are dead one day and, of course, he didn't do it or know what happened and your younger kids are too scared to tell you the truth. And don't be surprised if you find out he has already been messing around with your five year old. I would ask her if he has ever touched her privates or shown her his or made her touch him. I'd be surprised if she said a strong "no." I hope I'm wrong, but I'll bet he has. As for the baby...she is helpless. He can touch her whenever he wants to when you are not looking. I wish you luck. This is a problem with no good solution other than to save the other kids, your own reputation, and the rest of your family. It is too bad you spent so much trying to get custody of him. In the end, he will probably run home to live with bio. mom anyway. Abuse permeated his important first three years. He accepts it and he dishes it out too. He knows other people think it is wrong, so he hides it the best he can, but HE doesn't really think it's wrong. I won't speak here on this anymore, but I hope you take it to heart. I was like you. I thought love could cure him or treatment or a normal family. He is now 22 and out of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) For Young Sexual Predators. He is a registered sex offender who refuses to register and he could be thrown in jail for not registering. He is married with two daughters and I get teary eyed thinking about those two babies because he will abuse them too. Once he was taken away to a sort of juvenile jail, he admitted he'd been messing with kids since as far back as he could remember, but he had no memory of being abused himself, but obviously he had been. He had no insight into why he did the things he did and no remorse. He started trying to perp on kids even in this sort of kid jail where there are cameras running 24/7. His prognosis was said to be "poor." The county charged this thirteen year old with sexual assault of a minor because my two younger kids were six years younger than he is. He was found guilty. We have and want no contact with him ever again. If that sounds cold, so be it. I had to take two little kids to sexual abuse therapy for years and I think if he had been around...if we had kept him in our lives...they would resent us for caring about this person who did such horrible things to them. As it is, thankfully both are doing quite well. I am glad this kid monster is gone. I realize you have more tender feelings for your son, but how would you feel if you found out he was touching your daughters? We loved this boy at one time too. It is playing with fire to live with a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child. I hope you take my advice and get him out of the house ASAP. Another Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kid who was in foster care with a friend of mine burned down her house. While it was burning he asked, "Can we get McDonalds?" This is the reality of full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). (((HugsS))). [/QUOTE]
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