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PLEASE help me with our 12 year old son!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 599506" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Nik, you know where I am.</p><p></p><p>I do not think most people understand the horrors of living with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). it is not anything like other disorders. These kids are dangerous, not to themselves, but to OTHERS and, if you love animals like me, to them as well. And they sure know how to get stuff out of us. Ex-son never said "I love you" but when he wanted money, I'd get a hug and a big "I love you." This was a while before asking and when I was still feeling all warm and fuzzy about my sweet boy, then he'd ask if he could go to the gas station down the block and have some money. He never mentioned that he stole things while there and he was probably so charming to the workers there that they never suspected all the stuff he took. In the end, he would buy something small and pay for it. </p><p></p><p>We were told ex-son was cognitively delayed. All I can say is (and this is the nice version) ball squat. He was a brilliant kid who was always thinking and planning, although never in the positive. Funnily, he also liked to build things. Maybe both had a little autism in them, but that certainly is not treatable considering the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It's not worth even exploring because the other issues are so much more profound. These Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids are NOT heroes. They whack around much younger children and innocent animals. They don't like the feeling of pain and do not challenge bigger, stronger kids. My ex-son NEVER messed with my teenage daughter, just the little ones. He even held a knife up and threatend to stab them if they didn't perp on him or one another. Did we even think he thought about sex? No. He behaved in a very asexual way, but perping isn't really about sex. It's about power and control and sadism. It is not different than an adult when the child is thirteen and the victim is seven or five. </p><p></p><p>I will never forget when ex-son came in to tell me the dog was dead. He carried on and screamed and cried worse than all the others in the family put together. Yet my youngest told me, again after he left, that he'd strangled him with a rope and had forced her and Sonic to watch him do it. Man, he could turn on the waterworks when it suited him. Just typing about this is giving me a weird feeling all over again.</p><p></p><p>I absolutely feel I have to warn people with dangerous kids that not all children can be saved or helped. If they were destroyed in their first three years and are acting like grown up antisocials already, there is not much you can do for them. He did get good help once he was taken away to a home for young sexual perps, but he perped there too. And he never did learn why he did the things that he did. He had no clue. His social worker had to report to us until the adoption was dissolved and all the reports were that, "He is friendly and engaging and has no idea why he does what he does. The only remorse he has is being caught and arrested. His sadness is for himself, not anyone else."</p><p></p><p>That was the last time we even considered adopting an older child. I tell everyone to only adopt infants. </p><p></p><p>Funny. Foster parent/adoption classes don't cover the horror of full blown attachment disorder, yet it is very common in older adopted kids and your son is just like a child who had been adopted at age four. </p><p></p><p>Another friend I have adopted two little kids...one was two and was was one. She almost lost her mind as both of them were crazy at the beginning, however the little girl really got it together early on. The boy is now in a permanant Residential Treatment Center (RTC) since admitting to her that he is attracted to little girls and they have a younger daughter. He also destroyed their house and the police were there all the time. 150 couples sought to adopt this pair and they got them. </p><p></p><p>Well, they are happy about the girl. The boy can never live at home again due to his attraction to very young girls (like age five). </p><p></p><p>Ok, enough of this. I wish you the best and, like I said, I am here. And you are not the only parent facing this sort of puzzling child who disaster seems to follow around (because he causes the disasters). Hugs!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 599506, member: 1550"] Nik, you know where I am. I do not think most people understand the horrors of living with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). it is not anything like other disorders. These kids are dangerous, not to themselves, but to OTHERS and, if you love animals like me, to them as well. And they sure know how to get stuff out of us. Ex-son never said "I love you" but when he wanted money, I'd get a hug and a big "I love you." This was a while before asking and when I was still feeling all warm and fuzzy about my sweet boy, then he'd ask if he could go to the gas station down the block and have some money. He never mentioned that he stole things while there and he was probably so charming to the workers there that they never suspected all the stuff he took. In the end, he would buy something small and pay for it. We were told ex-son was cognitively delayed. All I can say is (and this is the nice version) ball squat. He was a brilliant kid who was always thinking and planning, although never in the positive. Funnily, he also liked to build things. Maybe both had a little autism in them, but that certainly is not treatable considering the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It's not worth even exploring because the other issues are so much more profound. These Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids are NOT heroes. They whack around much younger children and innocent animals. They don't like the feeling of pain and do not challenge bigger, stronger kids. My ex-son NEVER messed with my teenage daughter, just the little ones. He even held a knife up and threatend to stab them if they didn't perp on him or one another. Did we even think he thought about sex? No. He behaved in a very asexual way, but perping isn't really about sex. It's about power and control and sadism. It is not different than an adult when the child is thirteen and the victim is seven or five. I will never forget when ex-son came in to tell me the dog was dead. He carried on and screamed and cried worse than all the others in the family put together. Yet my youngest told me, again after he left, that he'd strangled him with a rope and had forced her and Sonic to watch him do it. Man, he could turn on the waterworks when it suited him. Just typing about this is giving me a weird feeling all over again. I absolutely feel I have to warn people with dangerous kids that not all children can be saved or helped. If they were destroyed in their first three years and are acting like grown up antisocials already, there is not much you can do for them. He did get good help once he was taken away to a home for young sexual perps, but he perped there too. And he never did learn why he did the things that he did. He had no clue. His social worker had to report to us until the adoption was dissolved and all the reports were that, "He is friendly and engaging and has no idea why he does what he does. The only remorse he has is being caught and arrested. His sadness is for himself, not anyone else." That was the last time we even considered adopting an older child. I tell everyone to only adopt infants. Funny. Foster parent/adoption classes don't cover the horror of full blown attachment disorder, yet it is very common in older adopted kids and your son is just like a child who had been adopted at age four. Another friend I have adopted two little kids...one was two and was was one. She almost lost her mind as both of them were crazy at the beginning, however the little girl really got it together early on. The boy is now in a permanant Residential Treatment Center (RTC) since admitting to her that he is attracted to little girls and they have a younger daughter. He also destroyed their house and the police were there all the time. 150 couples sought to adopt this pair and they got them. Well, they are happy about the girl. The boy can never live at home again due to his attraction to very young girls (like age five). Ok, enough of this. I wish you the best and, like I said, I am here. And you are not the only parent facing this sort of puzzling child who disaster seems to follow around (because he causes the disasters). Hugs!!!! [/QUOTE]
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